friend issues driving me crazy

[layercakegal]

im so sorry this is so long, but i hope it makes sense

 

ok i live away at uni. my best friend who i happen to like quite a lot more than a friend lives in my hometown. i come home every 4/5 weeks or so, and see him each time. this weekend i saw him for the first time since the start of january. we fight nearly everyday over silly little things but over msn, as thats how we keep in contact.

 

anyway i stayed at his, and we had a great time, then the morning after, his girlfriend came over for a couple of hours. before she came i got upset because i thought he was annoyed with me, but calmed down before she got there as i didnt want her to know i had been upset.

 

so basically he spends all of the time she is there completely ignoring both of us and watching tv, but was still being close with her, i.e. putting his arm round her and holding hands. to me this was like 'hang on im not going to see u for another 5 weeks at least and ur ignoring me?' so i felt rele down. plus he knows i like him as more than a friend, and id said i was worried about being left out, and i dont know whether hes purposely trying to hurt me because he ignored me and was totally close with his gf when i was there.

 

when i went to say goodbye i felt bad because all i cud think was that i wasnt going to see him for a long time, and my feelings are so strong for him that i didnt want to say goodbye and leave.

 

now i talked to him last night on msn and found out that after i had left, he and his gf had a fight about me being upset, because she was angry at him for making me upset (but i calmed down when she got there so i guess it was unconscious signals i was sending out that i wasnt ok or something)

 

so there we are, last night talking on msn, when he stops replying. i was pushing him about coming to visit me at uni, and then for about half an hour or so, i go 'helloooo' 'are you there?' etc every few minutes but nothing, so i send him a message saying 'if u dont want me to talk to u just say and i will stop trying', but still no reply. so i go to bed.

 

now im totally worried/stressed because we are still fighting, and have been for a long time and i cant make everything ok again. i havent talked to him since last night so for all i know he hates me and doesnt want to talk to me.

i said last night he shud just say if he didnt want to be my friend, i was giving him the chance to get rid of me, but he said 'haha take that chance n stick it where the sun dont shine!' - i guess that meant he wanted to stay friends.

 

i dont know whats going on in my head, im angry that we hadnt seen each other in 5 weeks and we still cudnt have a good time without something making me upset/starting an argument.

whats worrying me is why he didnt reply last night, and that he posted a comment on his gf's myspace profile about 2 hours after i had gone saying how much he loves her etc etc - therefore was at his computer after i had gone, so was he just ignoring me when i was trying to talk to him?

 

another thing - i leave messages on his myspace profile but he never replies, but he does to everybody else. it feels like he wants to give the impression to people that he doesnt like me. i try to convince myself that its because hes usually talking to me on msn when he gets the comment ive left so he doesnt really need to send me a reply, but he still leaves replies to his girlfriend when hes talking to her on msn!!!

 

im going totally crazy. why didnt he reply? how does he feel about our friendship? is he annoyed? whats left of a relationship when 2 people fight nearly everyday and cant even get on when theyre together after 5 weeks?

 

i love him so much and it makes everything so much harder. fighting nearly every day is taking so much out of me that im emotionally drained.

 

does anyone have any advice? how do i fix this friendship?

 

(again sorry about it being so long but its a complicated situation and there are a lot of details.)

 

oh my god, just help me....please....im going toally crazy

[CardPlay3r]

lol...what are you doing to yourself? He has a gf, clearly he doesn't want to be with you.

 

This isn't healthy at all, friendships can never work if you like your friend more than platonically...

 

Sounds like he's playing games with you as well...you need to cut him off from your life at least temporarily, only way you'll get to heal

[layercakegal]

yeah i totally agree about the playing games thing. i dont want to believe that he would be playing games with me though, as someone who is truely your best friend shouldnt be doing that.

 

I mean for example - we plan for me to stay at his for 1 night, then a few days before im supposed to be coming, he texts saying his other best friend is staying too. When i ask why, he says he wants to be able to spend time with both me, his girlfriend and his other best friend at the same time, not seperately.

 

This would be fine if i saw him more often - but once every 5 weeks, and he invites someone else? Its not even that i dont like his other best friend, i guess i just felt like i would be left out if it was the 3 of us.

 

I dont want to believe that he might not want to be my friend, so I keep trying to convince myself that 'oh hes not replying because hes wandered off from his computer' or 'oh he's not coming to see me because he has no money'.

 

I guess I just wanted an outside, unbiased opinion - is this guy really my friend? or is he just keeping me around and playing games with me because he enjoys it?

 

Also, i have tried cutting him off and stopping being friends with him before but I just got in a total mess and basically broke down for the few days we werent friends, until we talked and started being friends again.

 

What do I do?

 

I feel so lost, like i shouldnt need help with my problems and should just get on with life - but some comments and advice on my situation really would be appreciated.

[layercakegal]

GRRR! right he says he has no money to come and visit me, then describes to me how he's just spent about £80 on his girlfriend for valentines day! He says he borrowed it from his other best friend, but come on! I thought he was broke! It costs about half that to come and visit me. Now im REALLY pissed off.

 

i hate valentines day.

[Guest]

I know how you feel. I am going through the same thing with a friend of mine at the moment. She has a family and I just moved here from out of state and feel like I need someone to lean on. She feels that I am emotionally draining her and taking time away from her family - when all I really want is someone to take notice of me. I don't have a boyfriend or partner so I am lonely a lot of the time. Quite often I spend the weekend inside my apartment just by myself never venturing outside.

 

I have had a few things go wrong for me in the past month and I feel that as a friend, she should be there for me and at least drop by and have a glass of wine every now and then. But even for her to do that I have to ask.

 

I would hate not to have her in my life but I always feel like I am the side of the friendship that lets it down. I am the one who doesn't do anything right and causes her to become upset with me. If I see she is worried about something or things are not going right - I send her a little card or even flowers sometimes, just to say - hey, I am here for you. I just don't feel like I get the same.

 

There are often times that I just think that life right now is never as I intended it - but she told me a few harsh things this afternoon (funnily enough over MSN Messenger) some I agree with - some I don't. But in order to mend this friendship it is going to have to be me that changes. Is that correct - not entirely as she is the type of person who is emotionally removed from most situations.

 

She doesn't show the emotion that I do. So when I react as upset I am emotional - when she reacts (often I might add) to small things, as being really angry and mad - that is just how she is.

 

Things don't seem balanced. I often see this friend during the week - so it is difficult not to feel like we see to much of each other. We most probably do, but then again I also feel like I need the support. I don't know what to do next in fact.