Lost

[Guest]

Hi, I'm 19 years old, and have been with my boyfriend who's 21 for nearly 2 years, and for the last 6-7 months we have lived together in rented accomodation.

We spend alot of time together, we live together, work together (although in different departments), and we come home together at the end of the day.

The past 3-4 months things have become very difficult. It's come to a point that even though we are constantly together, we never spend any quality time together. Six out of seven days of the week his friends are over, from the time we get home from work, to the time we go to bed, (and at least one stays the night aswell). They sit for hours playing on their Xbox and getting drunk, and things are getting a bit tiresome for me. I spend my evenings cleaning up after them and constantly being on my "damage limitation" mission.

He goes to bed too drunk, or too late, and on average, we have started having sex once or twice a fortnight. His sex drive isnt entirely low, but its become boring and routine for us, plus there is always someone constantly in the next room, which doesnt leave much opportunity for impulsive actions.

I have tried talking to him about this, but he simply makes a fuss about the fact that im stopping him having his friends over.

The past month I have felt a lot worse, I'm beginning to get resentful of everything, and I cannot talk to him about this, no matter how much I try, as he just dismisses it and tells me I'm behaving "like a psycho". Now, whenever he tries to hug, or kiss me, I just go cold, and I know I'm beginning to hurt him aswell, I don't feel keen any longer to want to spend time alone with him, and It's even got to a point where I'm staying up later than him just so I know he'll be asleep when I go to bed, so I can even avoid the whole issue of sex.

I can't help my behaviour at the moment, the frustration has built up for so long, and even though i do love him, there isn't any passion, communication, or trust left. Our relationship has become routine for me, but I'm not sure how he feels. I know he loves me, and he doesnt want to break up, but nothing I say or do can make him take our relationship more seriously, I don't think he'll realise that we have problems until everything crashes down around him.

I'm at a loss with what to do, Im scared about leaving him, as I dont want to regret it, and I care so much about him. But that hasn't stopped me from seriously considering it. The implications will be hard, but I know that at the end of the day, I'm only 19, and surely it doesnt have to be like this?

Any help would be very much appreciated.

[Adrenaline]

Look he has taken you for granted. You need to have a serious talk with him about it or you will end up spending the rest of your time in misery and eventually have to break it off from him causing even more pain. Tell him what needs to be told. Don't allow him to use the "bitch" or "psycho" comeback at you. You deserve respect, show him that. If he can't handle it then he is not deserving enough to have you.

 

Don't let him have full control over you! In fact this can lead to him cheating on you. I have never cheated in any of my past relationships, but I have had fantasies of having sex with other girls because I was too conferrable and took the one I loved for granted. It is after the breakup that I felt regret for thinking such thoughts and realized what I lost. This dose not have to happen to you.

 

If he wants to spend time with his friends, then he can have a guys night out. We need our freedom. It's good to take breaks from one another. But don't allow him to do what ever he pleases. Make a schedule, make room in it for you guys to spend time alone with each other. Have him set his priorities straight.

 

As for sex, try something new!! They key to having good sex is keeping it fresh. Tease him, don't allow him to go at it when ever he feels like it. Just be careful and not confuse it with rejection, because that can really upset him. Don't be embarrassed to dress up or buy toys. Make it fun! It's ok to have few good laughs. Remember you are keeping it fresh, like it's your first time.

 

If you guys really lost the sex drive or the relationship drive for the matter of fact. Try being away from each other. It should give him a wake up call.