WilliR Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 My boss is a divorced trial lawyer in Phoenix and we've been flirting with each other for a while since I first started working at his firm. I thought Monday is his birtday and mailed him a handwritten birthday card and a present while I have been out of town deposing a client so it will arrive at his home monday or tuesday. When I got back from the post office I double checked my calendar and realized that his birthday is in August Oh GAWD - I won't be back into the office until next week I am already dreading it. How bad do you think this is?? Honest please anyone help what should I say if he calls?? I am so humiliated I don't know how I can deal or what he is going to think... anyone?? Should I call him before it arrives or just pretend I didn't know? I think I'm going to barf.
che_jesse Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Well at least he knows you care. Thats good right? It always makes us happy when people care. Think of it that way But I guess you could send him an email laughing it off, or you could make something up like "I got your birthday confused with my cousins because both of your name is Jim and the calender said "Jims birthday", Hehe silly me, but keep the present anyway!"
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I wouldn't worry about the birthday card, please don't flirt with your boss anymore. It's really unprofessional and can totally backfire for you. If he wants to pursue a relationship, he will have to be responsible for doing this in a tactful way, but no casual flirting with the boss, and definitely no making out, no sleeping with him, etc. unless you begin a real relationship and I would definitely explore company policy on developing romantic relationships with your superiors. A handwritten card and present mailed to his home? Totally inappropriate, he is your BOSS. Keep it at a professional relationship, please. A tasteful card given to him at work is fine, but NO gifts, nothing like that. I'm just trying to help you out professionally here. Yes, he's single, so are you, but still HE IS YOUR BOSS. Think about it. It's just not something to be cute and laughing about. When your coworkers pick up on this at the office, there's going to be gossip and all kinds of messiness going down if they think you guys are messing around. Just forget about the fact it was not his birthday, that is the least of your worries right now. Currently, you need to worry about him seeing you in a strictly professional light. Don't worry about the card thing, infact the card was the last time you will EVER flirt with your boss, and don't respond to his flirting either.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 As someone who once dated a partner at my previous firm, I'd advise you stop flirting with him IMMEDIATELY. You have no idea how badly this can backfire. As for fixing this immediate problem, I agree with che_jesse.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Just be honest and tell him you thought his birthday was Monday. The bigger deal you make of it, the worse the situation will be. Just laugh it off. I need ask, are you two close? Besides the fun and flirting, are there feelings involved? It's fun to have a boss that is laid back, and can joke around, but if you two are sexually flirting, and crosses lines that shouldn't be crossed, you better think of backing off abit. Also, is he married?
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 My mistake. OOPS. I'm abit tired seeing as it's nearly 12:30am but thanks for pointing it out to me.
Author WilliR Posted February 11, 2007 Author Posted February 11, 2007 Thanks so much everyone for your posts. This is the most awful thing I've ever done I think if I farted in front of him it wouldn't have been nearly as bad. I don't know what he will say if he thinks I'm dumb or ditzy or my head in outer space. I feel so much better already I don't know how you laugh off something like that I am so humiliated and dreading him calling me right now I can't sleep Thanks for your concerns about inter-office romance but at this point that's the last thing on my mind I'm nearly having a heart attack not knowing what to say about his present LOL blonde moment? Maybe I'm making too big of a deal about it
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Can I ask why it matters so much? How he is going to react? I"m sure he's just going to say Thanks, and hey my bday isn't until the summer....Or something along those lines. It really isn't a big deal. (Your fart comment made me laugh.)
magichands Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Tell him you mailed it early to make sure it got there in time. USPS sucks.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 there shouldn't be flirtacious behavior going on between you and your boss. I don't think you get the seriousness of it. Why did you send him a gift and card to his home if romance was the last thing on your mind? The fact that it wasn't his birthday can be totally laughed off, the fact that you send a card and gift to his home I would classify as showing interest in him beyond the office. I can't stress more to be professional at the office. When I was starting out in my career at 23 I was naive like you and enjoyed getting attention from men, and the first year I was known as the office flirt and no one took me seriously, even though a lot of male coworkers initiated the flirting, I learned not to flirt back. It took the next year for me to get my act together in that way and realize that looking cute and being attractive to male coworkers wasn't important, I was there to do a job and luckily I restored my professional reputation after that. I don't think you get the importance of having your boss see you in a professional light. Thanks so much everyone for your posts. This is the most awful thing I've ever done I think if I farted in front of him it wouldn't have been nearly as bad. I don't know what he will say if he thinks I'm dumb or ditzy or my head in outer space. I feel so much better already I don't know how you laugh off something like that I am so humiliated and dreading him calling me right now I can't sleep Thanks for your concerns about inter-office romance but at this point that's the last thing on my mind I'm nearly having a heart attack not knowing what to say about his present LOL blonde moment? Maybe I'm making too big of a deal about it
Author WilliR Posted February 11, 2007 Author Posted February 11, 2007 Office professionalism is one thing. Being considered a freaking retard who can't even get people's birthday information right by someone who I consider slightly more than a friend is driving me nuts. I guess I was raised with these standards that I am supposed to meet and when I do something so unexplainable and strange that it boggles my own mind, that I can't even explain it I just want to run and hide in my closet or crawl under the bed where no one can ever find me again I care because he's fun to hang out with and a pal and well, come to think of it he's done some embarrassing things in front of me like he's always knocking over glasses of water and spilling them everywhere. He's dropped a glass of water he was holding while talking to me and he's reached across the desk and knocked a glass of water onto a stack of digital photo prints that made the printer ink smear everywhere LOL Maybe won't care. I guess I'm just afraid now he'll never consider me normal and think to himself, oh look here comes retard girl. I was about to send him an email but then I didn't know if it would just make things worse since he hasn't gotten it yet he will have no idea what I am talkign about and I just want to cry. Seriously.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 You should have been raised with standards which told you to be smart enough not to be so unprofessional at work. I don't think a lawyer is going to think 'retard girl.' Trust me. (You probably don't understand why, but never mind.) Right now he's probably freaked out that some office chick sent him a present and card to his home, not about that it wasn't his birthday. Let me take a guess....you're not a lawyer yourself, are you? 'Cause you aren't getting basic logic. Office professionalism is one thing. Being considered a freaking retard who can't even get people's birthday information right by someone who I consider slightly more than a friend is driving me nuts. I guess I was raised with these standards that I am supposed to meet and when I do something so unexplainable and strange that it boggles my own mind, that I can't even explain it I just want to run and hide in my closet or crawl under the bed where no one can ever find me again I care because he's fun to hang out with and a pal and well, come to think of it he's done some embarrassing things in front of me like he's always knocking over glasses of water and spilling them everywhere. He's dropped a glass of water he was holding while talking to me and he's reached across the desk and knocked a glass of water onto a stack of digital photo prints that made the printer ink smear everywhere LOL Maybe won't care. I guess I'm just afraid now he'll never consider me normal and think to himself, oh look here comes retard girl. I was about to send him an email but then I didn't know if it would just make things worse since he hasn't gotten it yet he will have no idea what I am talkign about and I just want to cry. Seriously.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Office professionalism is one thing. Being considered a freaking retard who can't even get people's birthday information right by someone who I consider slightly more than a friend is driving me nuts. You seem really upset about this, and that sucks. However, I think you're missing something here. I'm not trying to make you feel worse here, but are you not at all concerned that your lack of judgment and attention to detail might be frowned upon by your boss? I mean, yes, you were sending it to him as something other than a work-related gesture, but you really, really need to realize that anything and everything you do outside of work (including erroneously sending him a gift) is taken into consideration - however subconsciously - by this man when he's dealing with you on a professional level. Be careful in how you craft your response to this boo boo, and focus on repairing your professional image with him first.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 You should have been raised with standards which told you to be smart enough not to be so unprofessional at work. I don't think a lawyer is going to think 'retard girl.' Trust me. (You probably don't understand why, but never mind.) Right now he's probably freaked out that some office chick sent him a present and card to his home, not about that it wasn't his birthday. Let me take a guess....you're not a lawyer yourself, are you? 'Cause you aren't getting basic logic. You are so rude, and living in a glass house. 1. You admitted you were previously flirty at work. Does that mean YOU weren't raised with standards? 2. Lawyers DO think "retard girl." I'm an attorney, and that's what I think when I read your posts. 3. She is a lawyer as well. She's been out of town at a deposition with a client.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 that anyone who is an attorney would use the word 'retarded,' but maybe I am overestimating lawyers. I have a couple close friends who are lawyers, and they are classy people and they certainly wouldn't, but they obviously have higher standards than yourself. As to 1. She specifically stated her standards of remembering someone's birthday, which really isn't a big deal. Being professional at work is. Somewhere my point went past you. Obviously I was stressing the point of office professionalism. It still floors me that someone with a law degree would think to use the word 'retarded' in conversation. But again, this is a reflection on you, not me. I certainly wouldn't hire a lawyer who used the word 'retarded' in everyday conversation. Thus, yes, it is pretty surprising to learn that she is actually an attorney. You are so rude, and living in a glass house. 1. You admitted you were previously flirty at work. Does that mean YOU weren't raised with standards? 2. Lawyers DO think "retard girl." I'm an attorney, and that's what I think when I read your posts. 3. She is a lawyer as well. She's been out of town at a deposition with a client.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 You should have been raised with standards which told you to be smart enough not to be so unprofessional at work. Let me repeat: Are you being a hypocrite AGAIN?
tinktronik Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 that anyone who is an attorney would use the word 'retarded,' but maybe I am overestimating lawyers. I have a couple close friends who are lawyers, and they are classy people and they certainly wouldn't, but they obviously have higher standards than yourself. As to 1. She specifically stated her standards of remembering someone's birthday, which really isn't a big deal. Being professional at work is. Somewhere my point went past you. Obviously I was stressing the point of office professionalism. It still floors me that someone with a law degree would think to use the word 'retarded' in conversation. But again, this is a reflection on you, not me. I certainly wouldn't hire a lawyer who used the word 'retarded' in everyday conversation. Thus, yes, it is pretty surprising to learn that she is actually an attorney. Have you actually ever been in an attorney's office ? I pretty much grew up inone with a parent who worked there. Most of the time the lawyers were flirting , or having affairs or goofing off... and every now and then they got some work done.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 and working in the same firm, pulling in $400,000 a year a piece and they aren't behaving like this. They are highly respected, though, and obviously very good lawyers. They simply don't have time for fun and games like that at the office, but they definitely reap what they sow. Have you actually ever been in an attorney's office ? I pretty much grew up inone with a parent who worked there. Most of the time the lawyers were flirting , or having affairs or goofing off... and every now and then they got some work done.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 and working in the same firm, pulling in $400,000 a year a piece and they aren't behaving like this. They are highly respected, though, and obviously very good lawyers. They simply don't have time for fun and games like that at the office, but they definitely reap what they sow. Even millionaires and billionaires have affairs and goof off at the office on occasion.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 being flirty at work is not advantageous, so I was giving advice from experience. That is not being hypocrital, that is giving advice from experience, which many people do on here when giving advice. Do I need to explain this further or do you get it now? Let me repeat: Are you being a hypocrite AGAIN?
tinktronik Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 and working in the same firm, pulling in $400,000 a year a piece and they aren't behaving like this. They are highly respected, though, and obviously very good lawyers. They simply don't have time for fun and games like that at the office, but they definitely reap what they sow. mmmm...mkay' if you say so.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 than the ongoing flirtacious behavior the OP referred to. That seems really odd to me. And no, my friends don't have affairs, there is a reason they make that much money. They are at work doing work and are highly sought out for it. Even millionaires and billionaires have affairs and goof off at the office on occasion.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 being flirty at work is not advantageous, so I was giving advice from experience. That is not being hypocrital, that is giving advice from experience, which many people do on here when giving advice. Do I need to explain this further or do you get it now? YOU seem to be the one who doesn't understand logic. YOU said that you had been flirty at work. Paris = flirty at work. YOU then said that she must not have been raised with standards to be flirty at work. Flirty at work = not raised with standards. So then I asked you whether or not you were also admitting that YOU weren't raised with standards. Paris = not raised with standards. LOGIC, chickie. Do you understand, or am I talking too fast for you? Maybe you should get one of those $400k legal masterminds to help ya out. The reason I asked was because I was surprised - it's not often that people flatly admit to not having any standards like that, but apparently you did just that. I guess that explains the resulting DESPERATION.
tinktronik Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 than the ongoing flirtacious behavior the OP referred to. That seems really odd to me. And no, my friends don't have affairs, there is a reason they make that much money. They are at work doing work and are highly sought out for it. If they really make that much money , they have people that do a great portion of the work for them . They work incredibly hard; briefly and then relax and enjoy till its time to ork incredibly hard again.
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