bluebomber Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 My Girlfriend and i have been going out for 2 months now. She never told me who her ex was. I did some detective work and found out who he was. They have been broken up for over a year and the p-w's to some things on the computer are still HIS NAME! She still had pics of him hanging up when we started dating. I then found out that she went to his house for fall break from college. This was about a month before we started dating. Even after we have been dating he still calls her. Now this guy lives about 90miles from where my girlfriend lives, Its not a close group of friends. She still visited him a few times and spent the night since they broke up. Should I be worried something is still going on there???
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I'm sorry but if I'm in a relationship with someone, it is unacceptable to me if they still have regular contact with their ex. I know if that is still going on, that they are not really fully into the relationship with me. I know it's tough, but your girlfriend is not over her ex, and he is still a part of her life. This is unacceptable. I would break up and move on, hard as it is to say.
Author bluebomber Posted February 11, 2007 Author Posted February 11, 2007 When we started dating she said she was over him since she met me. The pictures are now gone but the passwords are the same. He has not called for a few weeks now, and she has not called him. We have been spending a lot of quality time together. It still seems to bother me though. Even tho they only dated about 8 months.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 maybe she just hasn't gotten around to changing the passwords, just hasn't thought about it. I wouldn't worry too much yet if all the things with her ex happened before she met you. If you have no reason to believe that there's anything going on with them now, then trust her unless you do see signs there's something going on is how I would handle it.
Author bluebomber Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 Thanks for the help, a little while after this was posted she suprised me with an early v-day card, and she said she thought something was bothering me, and re-assured me not to worry
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Hey Blue - Has she explained to you why they broke up? Reason I ask is because if they came to a mutual understanding that it just wasn't going to work, the spark had died, something similar, then I don't think you have anything to worry about. Many people are able to maintain platonic friendships under such circumstances. However, if there was drama involved, if there hasn't been closure... then I'd be worried. As a side note, I had pictures of my ex up for almost a year without realizing it because they were in those collage-like frames. Now, if the picture was on her nightstand or something, then I'd think that was weird.
Topper Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Now if she has nude pics of her ex on the night stand that has the drawer that hides the sex toy, I would worry. But thats just me
Author bluebomber Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 See she never told me how they broke up, I found out who he was on my own, she never talks about him much but apparently she was devisated when they broke up. But almost a year later why would you go spend a weekend with him if he dumped you?
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 .... apparently she was devisated when they broke up. But almost a year later why would you go spend a weekend with him if he dumped you? Because she's hoping to get back together. This doesn't sound good, Blue.
Author bluebomber Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 well she told me today that she very seldomly talkes to her ex since she met me now. And that i have nothing to worry about. But should i trust her?
Depth of Insight Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 You got every reason to be worried, less so about the "passwords" or the pictures, but for your girlfriend keeping in touch with him. However, there is a lot about her situation with him that you don't know, and that could be causing some issues. I've learned over the years to trust my gut when it comes to my girlfriend and their exes. If something about the situation gets my stomach into knots, it's usually dead-on. I've dated women where "the exes" weren't a problem, even if they still happened to keep in touch. It's generally the sixth sense that lets me know. But you really need to get all the facts here, and not through "detective work" (which, by the why, isn't really a healthy component of a relationship anyway) but through talking to her. That way you can get a sense of her body language and, after that, check your gut and listen to what it tells you. It's dangerous ground -- good luck!
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 well she told me today that she very seldomly talkes to her ex since she met me now. And that i have nothing to worry about. But should i trust her? Perhaps. But I'd still be concerned about being a rebound/replacement for the guy she's clearly been pining after...
Author bluebomber Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 well you think I could be a re-bound guy after a year of being broken up? It seem she gave up on her ex after a while. Like did not talk to him all of last summer, and just said a simple Merry Christmas on christmas,Besides the whole fall break thing. And can I really be upset about the fall break thing because we were not dating at the time?
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 How many guys has she dated between her ex and you?
Krytellan Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 How many guys has she dated between her ex and you? THAT is the important question. Also, She spent this fall break with him only a month before you met... perhaps the time the feelings started returning. Oh, these situations can be so ugly if it bothers you. The problem is you have no control over your situation (just how you react to it) because all of your feelings revolve around her and someone else. If they seldom talk, take that as a positive. If I were you however, I would make ot very clear that trips to see him are absolutely not acceptable, no matter how she frames it. I would be careful about accepting the "just friends" argument if she wants to go see him. If visits don't come, there may be nothing to worry about here. Bottom line, do you have any reason not to trust her? Always expect the best from people until there's a reason not to.
Author bluebomber Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 She almost dated one but it went nowhere, Then I met her and it went somewhere. She stated the "just friends" status right after they broke up. I am going to make sure that she does not take a trip to see him to be more than "just friends".
the_total_package Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 from what I am reading there is very little contact going on between her and her ex currently, just very brief and not very often. Also I don't think the OP is the "rebound," besides I have met someone a week after I broke up with someone else having been with them for a long time, and fell totally in love with the new guy and thoughts of the old guy were gone - sometimes timing just happens like that, it wasn't a rebound at all. So I don't think that is an issue, the next person you date after a breakup is not always a rebound, I mean SOMEONE has to be the next person you date after you break up with someone. From what he is posted,his gf is very sincere and there doesn't seem to be any need to worry of a weekend which occurred before she met him. If further signs lead to something suspicious going on with her ex, Ok, then maybe a problem but from what he has posted he has a gf who wants HIM, not her ex. It doesn't sound like his gf is planning another weekend trip to visit her ex. So don't worry the poor guy anymore!
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