Guest Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Hi! I posted this on the jealousy forum, got no answers and clearly this seems to belong here instead! I posted on the site a month or so ago because I was feeling extreme jealousy over my boyfriend's exes. Basically, I'm 20, he's 38, he's obviously had loads of girlfriends esp as he's never been married, but he's my first ever boyfriend. Well, I'm feeling a lot better about the jealousy thing, its still there in the back of my mind sometimes and I still get tense and angry if I hear anything vaguely related to his last 2 exes which are the ones I got jealous about, but I'm coping so much better. The thing is, I'm still feeling like something is wrong. I think its the whole 'missing out' thing. I wondered if that was part of the reason I was getting jealous, because he'd been living his life, meeting people, caring for them and having relationships whereas my whole life I've been very shy and reserved, quite prudish really, and have hangups about sex. Its fine with him, it feels natural, but the thought of it otherwise just seems dirty or wrong. Just the word sex brings bad connotations to my mind. My upbringing really I think-my dad always said 'a proper lady doesnt just open her legs'- and my own moral code. Dont get me wrong, I do love him, we've been together for 1yr 4 months and he's a great bloke and he loves me. The thing is, I know he sees me as long term, he told me he could see us marrying, yesterday he hinted that we might have kids one day. I'd love to stay with him, he's been treated badly in the past and for years he's wanted a family and now he finally thinks he's found the right person. I think he'd make a great dad and would love to be the one to give him a child. I've thought that for ages. But I keep thinking I should have more experience, maybe cos he's had so much I feel I need more so that I cant feel bad about his past anymore. And I am aware I'm really young. I finish uni this year and am thinking of taking a gap year next year just to travel and see the world before I get bogged down in the world of work. But if I went away, pos for a few months, could we stay together? I know its selfish but in a way, I'd want us to break up while I was gone so that I wasnt tied down at all, could do whatever I wanted, and yes, maybe meet someone and have a fling just to see what its like, but then what if I still wanted him afterwards? It wouldnt be fair to expect him to wait for me, be ok that I'd slept with someone else while traveling (I wouldnt want him to sleep with someone else while I was away) and just take me back. Not that the purpose of travelling would be to sleep around! I feel so guilty for feeling like this cos he's so happy with me and deserves to be happy, while I'm just being selfish. I dont want to lose him! I dont want to let him go, I dont want anyone else to have him, but I feel like I need to try other people before I settle down and get married. What should I do?? Please dont rant at me about how selfish and unfair I'm being cos I do know it, I feel really guilty, but I honestly do love and care for him. Please give me some advice! Whatever happened, I'd want to stay friends with him, I want him in my life. I hate the thought of losing him as a friend and not seeing him again because I screwed up.
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