alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Well...my ex just phoned me and started ranting He said I was an ugly cow that he never loved, I was just a big pair of t**s that were convenient at the time, he said he's seeing someone and is taking them to a pub tomorrow for a meal (in this tiny little village about 10 miles away - he never takes anyone for meals, especially not on a sunday!), I'd open my legs for anyone and I'm a kniving cow that apparently planned all this! He told me to get rid of the baby and when I said I wouldn't, he said if I try to get child support "you know what I'll do, I'll just stop working". He said he can always get work on the side (to which I said I'd report him for fraud) I just can't believe he said all that...there's one thing wanting someone out of your life and being nasty to them to get them to leave you alone, but I don't think he would have said all that if he didn't mean it, would he? Not nice. He even refused to change his shift next friday and saturday, and said he'll tell his boss that he's banning me from his bus.
miss snoopy Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 What happened to NC? I hope you now FINALLY get the message - he is NOT remotely interested. So from now on, hang up when he calls. DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Bury the relationship this night and let him think you've dropped off the face of the earth.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 I will...there was no need for him to say all that though
alphamale Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 hmm this sounds like a messed up situation...
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 He called you, why didn't you hang up on him? NEXT time he does that, slam down the phone. You don't need to hear him spew out his crap - YOU have control here by HANGING UP ON HIM.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 Understatement of the century alphamale...I swear he has multiple personalities or something...this morning he was asking me to let him know when my scan was so he could come, then tonight he's telling me to get rid of the baby, and saying if I try to get child support he'll just stop working!
lorr Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 And by tomorrow you will either phone or text him to rant, rave and moan some more about the relationship and the baby, then dear Phil will put you down even more and so the wonderful vicious circle continues....
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 He called you, why didn't you hang up on him? NEXT time he does that, slam down the phone. You don't need to hear him spew out his crap - YOU have control here by HANGING UP ON HIM. I know. Well he won't call again, I think it was his closure or soemthing. Either that or it's because he'd been drinking earlier. He was slurring his words a bit, but that may have been tiredness. I should think he'd have been out of the pub for a couple of hours by the time he called, so he wouldn't have still been drunk. I listened and took it, because in a way I needed to hear it. Made me realise how callous and cruel he actually is. And that I'm a kniving little bitch that planned the whole pregnancy and everything (forced him to not use protection, did I?!) is what his mum said to me earlier...
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 Lorr, earlier on he asked me to tell him when my scan was so he could come. He said he wanted to be at the birth and everything, and why wouldn't I believe him? We were on good terms. HE called ME tonight, I picked up because I didn't think he'd start telling me to get an abortion and saying all the other crap he came out with. I have no need to contact him again.
luvtoto Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Well...my ex just phoned me and started ranting He said I was an ugly cow that he never loved, I was just a big pair of t**s that were convenient at the time, he said he's seeing someone and is taking them to a pub tomorrow for a meal (in this tiny little village about 10 miles away - he never takes anyone for meals, especially not on a sunday!), I'd open my legs for anyone and I'm a kniving cow that apparently planned all this! He told me to get rid of the baby and when I said I wouldn't, he said if I try to get child support "you know what I'll do, I'll just stop working". He said he can always get work on the side (to which I said I'd report him for fraud) I just can't believe he said all that...there's one thing wanting someone out of your life and being nasty to them to get them to leave you alone, but I don't think he would have said all that if he didn't mean it, would he? Not nice. He even refused to change his shift next friday and saturday, and said he'll tell his boss that he's banning me from his bus. This loser has absolutely no consideration for your feelings right now. One question though..why would you care what he thinks of you? Whatever he would say would be wrong anyways. Please, alasia, muster up some self-respect and move on. For your own benefit. He was wrong about the "I'll stop working" statement he made. If there is indeed a court order for him to pay, and he quits his job as an avoidance tactic, he will get thrown in jail. He will be constantly harassed by the state. It would be much harder on him by NOT paying. Also, if he works some...quits...works some...then all his income tax refunds will go straight to you.
alphamale Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 He was wrong about the "I'll stop working" statement he made. If there is indeed a court order for him to pay, and he quits his job as an avoidance tactic, he will get thrown in jail. He will be constantly harassed by the state. It would be much harder on him by NOT paying. Also, if he works some...quits...works some...then all his income tax refunds will go straight to you. i don't know when you got this from but its totally inaccurate. the govt cannot force one to hold any job...
luvtoto Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 i don't know when you got this from but its totally inaccurate. the govt cannot force one to hold any job... Did I say that? He can choose to not work. Duh. But, if he doesn't work, then he will be harassed by the state to pay...pay...pay!!!!
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 No, he could claim benefits if he stops working (I'm in the UK) and only have to pay £5 a week Child Support. But he says he'd get cash-in-hand work that the benefits office won't know about; the only way they'd find out is if someone reported him. Which I would if I found out that's what he was doing. One question though..why would you care what he thinks of you? Whatever he would say would be wrong anyways. He said he didn't have feelings for me anymore and that was fine. It's when he started saying I was ugly, and just a pair of t**s and that's all he was interested in me for...he never loved me etc., that's when it started hurting. I know I shouldn't care, but I loved him and to think that he didn't feel the same way (I'm sure he wouldn't lie) isn't a nice feeling, that's all.
lorr Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 No offense Alasia, but regardless of who contacted who first,you always keep saying that you won't contact him again and then you end up doing so. I can almost guarantee that either you or Phil will call/text again and the same played out drama will continue...
alphamale Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 But, if he doesn't work, then he will be harassed by the state to pay...pay...pay!!!! there is such a backlog of deadbeat dads that it would take them years to get to his case. and then the govt usually only goes after the most high profile cases where a lot of money is owed. this guy is small potatoes and probably nothing will happen to him. and he can always move too.
magda Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I think he's just trying really hard to make you get an abortion.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 Could be Magda, but even earlier today he said he wanted a little girl he could dote on and said he wanted to go to scans and stuff. It's only after his mum started saying I'd trapped him into it that he started being horrible to me. Lorr - I understand your point of view, but this really was the last straw. In the past, he's been saying he doesn't have feelings but then still says he wants to stay in touch as friends. Then when I call, he's seemed fine and started chatting like normal. Now he's said what he has and seemed so into me getting an abortion, I can't have anything more to do with me. He won't call again, and I swear I'm not going to. The only time I'll have to really try and stop myself from contacting him is when I have a scan date - he wanted to know earlier but now he doesn't, so I won't tell him.
luvtoto Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 No, he could claim benefits if he stops working (I'm in the UK) and only have to pay £5 a week Child Support. Well, when the court sets the payment amount.. he can do whatever he wants. Just cause he's only paying you a very small portion of his payment amount, it will still accumulate. If and when he ever does get a good job then his payments are gonna be alot more...to make up for his late payments. If he ever inherits money in his life, what he owes will go to your child. It's in his best interest to stay current with it. but I loved him and to think that he didn't feel the same way (I'm sure he wouldn't lie) isn't a nice feeling, that's all. The only way to deal with this kind of immaturity is to let him see that it doesn't bother you. He is in no position to be calling anyone names at this point.
alphamale Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 well personally i think he should have some say in whether he becomes a father or not....especially if he's gonna have to pay for the kid partially.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 The only way to deal with this kind of immaturity is to let him see that it doesn't bother you. He is in no position to be calling anyone names at this point. Yeah, he doesn't seem to get that. And his family aren't helping, with his mother (falsely) accusing me of trapping him into the whole pregnancy thing. Like I forced him to not use protection! To be honest, I don't think he'll quit work all for the sake of paying £30 per week; although why he sees claiming child support as a bad thing is anyone's guess. And if he does quit and get a job on the side, I'll report him for fraud. He'll be worse off in the end. I'd rather do it amicably but he doeesn't seem to want to do that. I'm hoping he'll calm down by the time the baby's born - after 6 months of NC but I'm not sure he will.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 well personally i think he should have some say in whether he becomes a father or not....especially if he's gonna have to pay for the kid partially. I see your point but he had a say - we talked about having kids and both agreed to it, I didnt talk him into it or anything like that; he said he wanted it as much as I did. He even said he wanted it on Christmas Day, a week before we broke up! We weren't using protection and everytime my period was late he went around telling everyone I was pregnant, so it's not like it came as a huge surprise. Why should I get rid of the baby - an innocent in all this - just because it's no longer convenient for him?
alphamale Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Why should I get rid of the baby - an innocent in all this - just because it's no longer convenient for him? if thats the way you're thinking then I must agree with his mother. a baby should only be brought into the world with two willing, and preferrable married, parents...
luvtoto Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 well personally i think he should have some say in whether he becomes a father or not. If a man wants sex then he better take up responsiblity for the consequences of having it.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 Now I'm confused...you see a few months ago before this baby was conceived, we both wanted it (as far as I knew). He was talking about being involved up until 2 weeks ago, when I got a bit over zealous (to put it mildly!) with trying to contact him to talk things through. And until I became useless to him (as in, he stopped wanting me for sex). Now he's decided I'm out of his life, and I should abort the baby. I can see your point; I think you're saying why should he pay for the baby when he doesn't want it, but by the same token why should life be that disposable that you make a baby, and when you're bored you get rid!? I'm almost 3 months pregnant; it's not like it's just a bunch of cells anymore.
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