Nomad Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I met a girl online and I'm supposed to meet with her on Tuesday night...we're going to dinner at an Italian restaurant (mid-range pricing). She emailed me, initiating the interaction (meaning she technically asked ME out). Since she asked me out, I'm not sure if I feel obligated to pick up the whole check for dinner, as I would when I ask a girl out. Should we split the check, or should I pay for all of it?
alextop30 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I dont believe could be different but if I was you I would act as a small rock hit me on the head when it comes to paying the bill- dont just let her pay it but act a little wierd and you will see I would have to say if you can get her do devide the bill that would be great - that might be mainly because I dont have a lot of money
Author Nomad Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 I wouldn't actually mind all that much paying for the full bill, I was just wondering what the usual convention here is (as readers can probably guess, almost never does a girl ask ME out, usually it's the other way, so I'm unaccustomed to this situation).
alextop30 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 i really dont believe that there is a difference because she is thinking that you are cute and than she is trying to get some of what she wats. I believe that guys should pay the bill but I have the tendency to act that way when the bill comes to see if she is gonna attempt to pay it - tells me that I was not just one night out.
paris38 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 if you meet her and think she's great and definitely want to see her again, PAY, DUDE!!! Inisist on paying in this case, even if she begins to make the reach to pay. If you are not so into her and really don't care to see her again, then directly suggest splitting the bill. She'll get the hint that you're just not into her. However she is playing this dating game all wrong, she should wait until you ask her out. She's going to end up scaring you off if she continues to do all the asking.
magda Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Technically speaking, as far as "the rules" she should offer to pay.
Thunder973 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I am twenty nine year old and been on more dates than most people times ten haha. I don't think I have ever let a girl pay for anything even if the date was not going as planned or we just didnt jive. Im kinda old fashioned like that. thinking back I think I could of bought a Lexus for all the money I have spent on dates! I guess im just good natured.
paris38 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 It always mystifies me when guys ask who should pay on a date. I agree, a guy should just know and want to pay, even if he has been asked out by her, or even if it's not clicking so well.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 It always mystifies me when guys ask who should pay on a date. I agree, a guy should just know and want to pay, even if he has been asked out by her, or even if it's not clicking so well. WTF? You're totally contradicting your advice above.
paris38 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I said if that the first guy didn't HAVE to pay if he wasn't interested since she asked him out first, but really guys who have the values where they know to pay..well that eliminates all questions.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I said if that the first guy didn't HAVE to pay if he wasn't interested since she asked him out first, but really guys who have the values where they know to pay..well that eliminates all questions. No, that is not what you said. In your first post, you said pay if you like her, and don't pay/ask to split if you don't. In your second post, you said a guy should pay EVEN IF he doesn't like her.
glitzy55 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I am twenty nine year old and been on more dates than most people times ten haha. I don't think I have ever let a girl pay for anything even if the date was not going as planned or we just didnt jive. Im kinda old fashioned like that. thinking back I think I could of bought a Lexus for all the money I have spent on dates! I guess im just good natured. Bravo to you
Pretty Fly Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 She's going to end up scaring you off if she continues to do all the asking. I think this is a general mis-conception women have.
justagirlforever Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 On a first date? For me (as a female) always 50/50. No matter who asked out who.
Krytellan Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 You should in no way expect her to pay anything on the first date. It is your obligation, but one you should embrace.
paris38 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I can't ever think of a time on a first date (or first several dates, actually) where the guy didn't want and expect to pay. He wouldn't let me pay. Doesn't that lead to awkwardness if you do Dutch on a first date? To me, when you do that, you're saying "We're friends only." since just friends go Dutch. You may be giving the totally wrong impression to guys when you do that. pLus you're setting a tone that you're always going to go Dutch if you continue seeing each other, and that would totally suck. You should in no way expect her to pay anything on the first date. It is your obligation, but one you should embrace.
Pretty Fly Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 It is your obligation, but one you should embrace. If I can play Devil's Advocate for a minute... why?
CardPlay3r Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 If I can play Devil's Advocate for a minute... why? Because some women want equality with them being 'more equal'.
justagirlforever Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Doesn't that lead to awkwardness if you do Dutch on a first date? To me, when you do that, you're saying "We're friends only." since just friends go Dutch. You may be giving the totally wrong impression to guys when you do that. pLus you're setting a tone that you're always going to go Dutch if you continue seeing each other, and that would totally suck. In my personal opinion - absolutely not. Why should it always be on a guy to pay for it all? Why should we expect a guy to pay for it all? I think that's just rude and inconsiderate. Fine if he really insists, and I'm not going to put up a fight just to prove a point. And in fact, I almost always go Dutch anyway - even in long term relationships. I have a job. I earn money. Why should I not pay my way?
Pretty Fly Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 If I've suggested the place we go to eat, i tend to just pay as it avoids any awkwardness if perhaps we don't earn the same amount (eg if she's at uni). It's also a lot "smoother" too. However, having said that, what then usually happens is if we go onto somewhere else, the girl I'm with will buy a couple rounds of drinks or pay for movie tickets. If I was seeing somebody and everytime we went out I was expected to pay, it wouldn't get very far, not least because I'd be bankrupt.
Grrlish Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I met a girl online and I'm supposed to meet with her on Tuesday night...we're going to dinner at an Italian restaurant (mid-range pricing). She emailed me, initiating the interaction (meaning she technically asked ME out). Since she asked me out, I'm not sure if I feel obligated to pick up the whole check for dinner, as I would when I ask a girl out. Should we split the check, or should I pay for all of it? You said that she 'technically' asked you out. Just because she initiated the interaction doesn't mean that she asked you out. Who, exactly, said: Let's meet for dinner? That person should expect to pay. If, however, it came about as a mutual thing, then hopefully she will offer to pay for half of the check. I would. I'm not all that up on the online dating/chatting way of hooking up but this seems appropriate to me. If she wants to make a good impression and it was a mutual invitation, she should offer to pay half. But, like someone else said earlier, if you want to make a good impression on her, then offer to pay. I don't care what anyone says, most gals will be flattered if you grab the check and pay. And don't just offer to pay. That puts her on the spot. If you grab the check and she offers to pay half, tell her 'no thank you - my pleasure'. Me, I probably wouldn't ask a guy on a first date. That's just how I am. If I did, it would certainly be my responsibility to pay. If he asked me and then expected me to help pay, that would probably be our last date. Once dating, though, I pay if going out to eat is my idea, and then over time, it all starts to even out. An ex-boyfriend of mine that I dated for a few years paid when we went out about 80 percent of the time. He also made twice as much money as I did at the time. I often bought groceries when we were cooking in at his place. He was comfortable with the arrangement and told me that he felt that I carried my weight when it came to contributing in that respect.
Krytellan Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 If I've suggested the place we go to eat, i tend to just pay as it avoids any awkwardness if perhaps we don't earn the same amount (eg if she's at uni). It's also a lot "smoother" too. However, having said that, what then usually happens is if we go onto somewhere else, the girl I'm with will buy a couple rounds of drinks or pay for movie tickets. If I was seeing somebody and everytime we went out I was expected to pay, it wouldn't get very far, not least because I'd be bankrupt. Well, I agree with you here. The difference is that I was referring to the first date exclusively. I in no way meant that to extend a long way into the relationship, that is up to the man involved. I tend do it for a while, but am learning to pull back a little more and let the women help... it's a healthy approach.
Guest Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I am 23 and I pay for everything out of respect. It has nothing to do with equality, or anything else. I also hold doors open, and other chivalric things like that. You have to give respect to get respect.
Author Nomad Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 Who, exactly, said: Let's meet for dinner? That person should expect to pay. I believe I first suggested meeting up. I've decided I will at least offer to pick up the whole check on Tuesday night, so it's sort of a moot point.
Pretty Fly Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I always make sure we go somewhere within my budget, so that picking up the whole bill then isn't an issue.
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