silktricks Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Yes, I think people CAN be faithful for 40-50 years, but it also depends on what you mean as faithful. I think that what are referred to on LS as EA's happen quite frequently. I think looking at other women/men lustfully happens all the time. Same with watching porn. Some people call all of those actions being unfaithful. Some people call only sex with someone else as being unfaithful. What I don't think is just because people have been married 40-50 years and are happy together is indicative of whether or not either have been unfaithful at some time during those years. An affair does not have to be a deal breaker.
mopar crazy Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Yep, I believe they can. My parents are celebrating their 50th soon and both of them have been faithful. My parents are very religious and are totally against it. Besides, they love each other very much
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 An affair does not have to be a deal breaker. It would be in my marriage. That and abuse are the two deal-breakers my wife and I both agree on. Consequently, the chance of either one ever being an issue is slim-to-none. BTDT with infidelity in a former marriage. Never again! Wouldn't tolerate it even once.
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I find it sad that you believe that way. What an unfortunate outlook. Of course, you could be speaking only of yourself and your "plans" to not remain faithful in a marriage but if you believe that in general, that's really unfortunate.
silktricks Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I find it sad that you believe that way. What an unfortunate outlook. Of course, you could be speaking only of yourself and your "plans" to not remain faithful in a marriage but if you believe that in general, that's really unfortunate. Are you talking to me? If so, you have a mistaken impression. I was a BS who chose to forgive my WS. It wasn't a deal-breaker for me (Now if it happened again? Then it would be.)
LaughMachine Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Yeah it can happen. We have a big enough population for atleast one cuple to have remained faithful through out 40 years of marriage Hurray for them! and cheers!
Curmudgeon Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Are you talking to me? If so, you have a mistaken impression. I was a BS who chose to forgive my WS. It wasn't a deal-breaker for me (Now if it happened again? Then it would be.) No I'm not. That was meant for Pink Amulet. I should have quoted her for those who read in the flat mode. I'm a former BH who chose to forgive the WW the first time. The second time I divorced her. I've since married again and infidelity is a deal-breaker for both my wife and me.
Pink Amulet Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I find it sad that you believe that way. What an unfortunate outlook. Of course, you could be speaking only of yourself and your "plans" to not remain faithful in a marriage but if you believe that in general, that's really unfortunate. How dare you!!??? I find that very offensive and I would like you to apologise and withdraw such hurtful and unfounded words. I put my cynical outlook about marriage down to the fact my grandmother was cheated on by my grandfather many times during their sixty year marriage, my mum in her thirty year marriage, my aunty in her twenty year marriage and my other aunty in her ten year marriage. So in my experience, all evidence to the contrary regarding marriages lasting forty years + Not only that but I was cheated on multiple times by my partner. I have never cheated nor would ever cheat. Maybe women in my family are just hard to live with. They all ended it immediately. They were all models at some stage. Maybe that has something to do with it
Galaxy Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 How dare you!!??? I find that very offensive and I would like you to apologise and withdraw such hurtful and unfounded words. I put my cynical outlook about marriage down to the fact my grandmother was cheated on by my grandfather many times during their sixty year marriage, my mum in her thirty year marriage, my aunty in her twenty year marriage and my other aunty in her ten year marriage. So in my experience, all evidence to the contrary regarding marriages lasting forty years + Not only that but I was cheated on multiple times by my partner. I have never cheated nor would ever cheat. Maybe women in my family are just hard to live with. They all ended it immediately. They were all models at some stage. Maybe that has something to do with it I agree. It sounds like Curmudgeon took great offense because she/he is afraid to get their unrealistic fantasy squashed.. but life is not a fairytale.. get used to it. Cur, you should know better than anyone. You've been cheated on already. If you choose to believe those people are out there with perfect marriages, I'd love to meet one of them one day!
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 My parents never cheated, my g/parents never cheated, my sibs have never cheated and neither have I, so yes, it is possible.
Galaxy Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Your parents and grandparents never cheated? I'm sure you either were with them 24/7 or have video surveillance covering their entire married life to prove such a claim. Otherwise, it's not fact but mere opinion. I think one person might be able to remain faithful in the marriage... like my grandma I would guess cause she was usually home and watching the kids. As for my gramps, i have no clue. I remember he said one time, "if i wasn't catholic, do you think id stay with her?" I mean yeah they didn't divorce, but they weren't particularly happy either! Divorce is always painted so negatively, but I wouldn't want to suffer through a loveless and unfulfilling marriage. I'm sure some people have remained faithful to their death, but unhappily so. I'd rather see someone die happy than die married 65+ years in a sham of a marriage that they felt they needed to stick out. I dont know about you, but I believe a person only lives once. At least that's all that we know of at this point. There's no real proof of anything else, so you better make the best of it.
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Since we have a very open family style and have discussed it a number of times with all three generations present, I can only believe what my family have said. They are people with a strong sense of integrity. I know them, you don't. Simple as that.
Pink Amulet Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Women in previous generations didn't tend to talk about it. They would find out, or just know, and keep it to themselves, and take it to their graves. It was thought of as a shameful family secret and felt it unnecessary to speak of. We only found out about my grandmothers from her diaries and letters to her best friend.
silktricks Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I'm sure some people have remained faithful to their death, but unhappily so. I'd rather see someone die happy than die married 65+ years in a sham of a marriage that they felt they needed to stick out. Are you saying that if people remain faithful they are automatically unhappy? I sure hope not. What a miserable outlook on life.
justagirlforever Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I can never say never. Because one just never knows. But is it possible to stay faithful? Yes, I believe so. And in my heart and soul and entire being & essence - I believe that I would NEVER contemplate cheating & being unfaithful. I'd rather die. I believe that cheating & being unfaithful is a conscience action. And at that second before you take that action, you have a choice.
Galaxy Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Since we have a very open family style and have discussed it a number of times with all three generations present, I can only believe what my family have said. They are people with a strong sense of integrity. I know them, you don't. Simple as that. Thanks for your OPINION in regards to your family's fidelity.
Galaxy Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Are you saying that if people remain faithful they are automatically unhappy? I sure hope not. What a miserable outlook on life. First off, you are taking what I said out of context. Mostly YES the couples that stick together for 50 or so years generally are unhappy, so divorce would be the best option. I did not mean to suggest that one needs to be unfaithful to be happy.. uh, not at all what I was trying to get across. First get a divorce! It's called a REALISTIC outlook. I don't live in a soap opera- which seems to be what most women are living in now-of-days with their unfeasible expectations regarding their spouses and marriage as a whole. And the best part is that they think they could let themselves go, refrain from sex, ignore their spouses, etc and their husband will still remain in love and loyal to them. What I find MISERABLE is living in a fantasy where you are continually disappointed and not prepared for life. If HARD WORK is not utilized by both parties, don't expect a miracle! And usually it's just one person that is picking up the pieces and trying to adhere the marriage and string it out longer when it's just dead. Whatever.. basically it's your life and all I read on these boards are women whining about the constant abuse they receive from their husbands mentally. Constant cheating or treating them like crap... well it's your life to suffer through I guess. Same thing with push-over men who just take all the crap that is dished to them. It's almost comical after a while. Marriage is a complete joke so who cares about people that were married for 40-50 years when they most likely suffered for decades just because they didn't believe in divorce or stuck it out for the kids!
silktricks Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 First off, you are taking what I said out of context. Mostly YES the couples that stick together for 50 or so years generally are unhappy, so divorce would be the best option. On what are you basing this idea? Do you have any statistics to back it up, or is this just your feelings based on what you think? It's called a REALISTIC outlook. I don't live in a soap opera- which seems to be what most women are living in now-of-days with their unfeasible expectations regarding their spouses and marriage as a whole. No, it's not called a REALISTIC outlook. It's called a depressing outlook. It sounds to me like you ARE living in a soap-opera, with the idea that everyone who is together for a long period of time is automatically unhappy. That is exactly what a soap-opera portrays. Are you a little unhappy? Well, then get a divorce, that'll fix everything right up. And the best part is that they think they could let themselves go, refrain from sex, ignore their spouses, etc and their husband will still remain in love and loyal to them.Where on earth did you ever get this idea from? And where does it say that because you've been married a long time you "let yourself go, refrain from sex and ignore your spouse? What I find MISERABLE is living in a fantasy where you are continually disappointed and not prepared for life. This is the only thing you've said that I agree with. Living in a fantasy is no way to have a life. I have no idea what your story is, but you sound really really unhappy. I hope things improve for you.
Curmudgeon Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I agree. It sounds like Curmudgeon took great offense because she/he is afraid to get their unrealistic fantasy squashed.. but life is not a fairytale.. get used to it. Cur, you should know better than anyone. You've been cheated on already. If you choose to believe those people are out there with perfect marriages, I'd love to meet one of them one day! Nope! Not at all afraid. Yes, the ex cheated. No, I don't impute what she (I'm a he by the way) did to all other marriages. Perfect marriages? It all depends on individual needs and perceptions. Good marriages? Absolutely? I didn't take offense at all. I just don't have so cynical an outlook on marriage as many here despite my prior experience. I'm currently in a marriage that's as near perfect for me as I think any could be so I'm content and have nothing but a positive outlook and a lot of confidence that things will remain as pleasant as they are and have been for a decade.
Curmudgeon Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 How dare you!!??? I find that very offensive and I would like you to apologise and withdraw such hurtful and unfounded words. It was not my intention to offend you. Actually, I was giving you an out for what I considered to be a broad and unfortunate generalization. The original question was: "Do you believe that people can remain faithful for forty-fifty years?" to which you responded No and that is why marriages don't stay together for forty or fifty years. implying that in every long-term marriage someone's going to cheat. One could surmise that you included yourself in the latter statement. Your family history is "colorful" to say the least. My family experience, as I know it, is primarily the opposite but for one grandfather who cheated upon, left and divorced my grandmother and married his OW.
Trialbyfire Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Thanks for your OPINION in regards to your family's fidelity. No problems, any time, since I do have an educated opinion and face-to-face discussions with the participants in question. Your comments are pure speculation pulled from...I won't say where. We are discussing my family, not yours or any others.
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 How dare you!!??? I find that very offensive and I would like you to apologise and withdraw such hurtful and unfounded words. What is with you DEMANDING that people withdraw their opinions and comments? Jeeez. I didn't take offense to C's post at all...
Galaxy Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 This is too funny... how delusional all you chumps are. HAHA I thought denial was supposed to make people HAPPIER, not more miserable! I guess I was wrong!
Galaxy Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Trial, believe it or not, most people who cheat will not admit it. "I can only believe what my family have said"... that's called blind TRUST, not an "educated opinion".
erika2610 Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 This is too funny... how delusional all you chumps are. HAHA I thought denial was supposed to make people HAPPIER, not more miserable! I guess I was wrong! What is wrong with you? Do you know people's families better than they do? I guess you won't be happy unless we were to all say "Yes, our families are made up of cheaters. All of em."
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