ratingsguy Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Hi everyone, It's been a week since I met with my recently separated MW and told her how I felt about everything (mainly in a letter I handed to her). Since that time, I haven't had communication with her in any way. When I was with her last Saturday, I said we couldn't be friends right now and asked for at least 3 months of NC. I haven't contacted her and so far, she's holding her end of the bargain, too. There's been a very very slight temptation to send an e-mail asking questions and saying things that I thought of later, but I had a clear enough head to not do it. The best way to describe this is that there have been a lot of ups and downs this past week... more downs than ups obviously. But I was able to go an entire day without getting emotional (day 2)... although I still break down at least once a day. It may sound strange, but it does help to know that she's out of town in Florida visiting her parents. That means she's likely not out with anyone else, and there's no chance I'll bump into her anywhere. I've been reading a lot of stuff about people who are recently separated like my MW. Even though the 22 year marriage ended in her mind a long time ago, this would still be a very emotional time for anyone in that situation. I can understand why she wouldn't want to jump into a relationship right away... she admitted that she didn't want to feel trapped again (but was quick to point out how wonderful I was)... but I can appreciate her wanting to take it slow. Better to take time to yourself and not have the regrets and not resent me later in life. Her feelings for me are real... there's no doubting that. But she does need time to herself. Her therapist is the one who pushed this, and she sees the importance of it, too. But since her feelings are real, this will give her an opportunity to miss me... even though she knows that letting me go is for the best. So, I'm trying my best to forget about her, but the feelings are still there. I don't know what I'll do or be feeling in May when this NC is up... if we will meet up, if I won't care and will make the NC permanent, extend the NC until the end of the year, if I'll have a GF... who knows. I'm doing my best to get out there as she had asked... and it really does take my mind off of things. I had plans last night and have plans again tonight to go out for drinks with friends. She has said on more than one occassion "I wish it were a year from now"... so maybe after she has had some time to herself she will want to get back together again. As nice as that would be, I'm not banking on it, and preparing myself for the worst. If this were to work down the road, I think we both made the right decision to walk away for a while. As good as she was to me (better than any woman in my life), I'm trying to focus on the fact that she did cheat on her H... even though I can understand why... of course it doesn't make it right. Trust is the foundation for any relationship, and from jump because of the nature of what we had... it was breached... on both sides really. I'm also focusing on the small red flags I noticed while we spent time together. I know what most of you are thinking... and that is to stop thinking about her! Well, it's funny, because until you've experienced heartache, you never realize how many insignificant things will lead your mind in that person's direction. Anything (and I mean ANYTHING) that has to do with the 70s, takes me back to the stories she's told me about growing up... and just makes me think about her. And that's just one example out of literally thousands. It may sound weird, but when I think of an event in history... my first thought (because I think of her all the time) is usually how old my MW was and in what stage of life was she in (married, single, childhood, etc.). It's tough to train your brain to do otherwise, but I'm doing my best. I'll keep you guys updated. Thanks for all the support.
Jinxx Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 The best way to describe this is that there have been a lot of ups and downs this past week... more downs than ups obviously. But I was able to go an entire day without getting emotional (day 2)... although I still break down at least once a day. You will have good days and bad days. Doesn't make it any easier though does it?! As being NC too with MM, the worst part is not being able to share my day with him. I always looked forward to our phone conversations. Just keep focusing on yourself. And it is ok to get emotional and have that occasional meltdown while going through this.
Baileykeg Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Hey RG. So glad to hear that you are keeping up NC. I'm on day 10, so I'm only a few days ahead of you. You sound like you have a really level-headed approach to the reasons for NC. I will be thinking about you and hoping that you can stay strong. I know it isn't easy. The ups and downs are terribly painful. If you need to talk I'm here for you.
Audero Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Good to hear you are sticking with NC. It is hard, I know. Each day you wake up, not knowing what emotions you will have to deal with. Some days are better than others. Hang in there. Until this woman makes some choices in her own life, she will not be able to be there for you 100%. At the end of the timeline, you may find you have moved on, and no longer feel this strongly about her. You might have found someone else by then, who you can have a healthy relationship with. As someone who walked away from a MM, my thoughts and best wishes are with you.
Guest Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 RG, I know that you are hurting right now and it is a very difficult time for you. You have been in NC for week I think, but you are already wondering what is going to happen in May, and if not then, what might happen at the end of the year. You are not allowing yourself to move on, because you have given these check points along the way. The woman dumped you (there is no polite way to say this), and offered to be your friend which you decined. So you declined the friendship for the time being, but she has declined a relationship with you, and that is something you are skirting around. You may think I am harsh but I am just giving you a reality check. Stop wondering what she is up to in Florida and get on with your life as if she is never coming back to you, because the signs do not look great. I hope I am wrong, she knows you are desperately in love with her because you displayed great neediness (writing a letter and meeting her), so she probably knows you will stick around. Well prove her wrong and start really enjoying your life, because obsessing about her isn't doing you any good.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 You're doing great RG...we're here for you!
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