Davis Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Some people have no maturity or courage to do the "right thing" and they take the easy way out of lining up a new relationship to jump into when the old one fails, leaving people like us to deal with EVEN MORE hurt. I think that's been my major frustration all along with this thing is the DISRESPECT involved in the breakup, rather than the breakup itself. Hey Cossette. I agree with you. I am mostly angry at the way she didn't handle the situation. I didn't even know or think our relationship was "failing" but she went and jumped into another one without having enough character to tell me. I have a favorite saying that I have heard and YES I KNOW IT IS NOT TRUE OF ALL WOMEN OR MEN, but it makes a lot of sense if you think about it!!! Here it is: "Women never let go of one branch until they have hold of another"
Author guin_girl Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Hey Cossette. I agree with you. I am mostly angry at the way she didn't handle the situation. I didn't even know or think our relationship was "failing" but she went and jumped into another one without having enough character to tell me. I have a favorite saying that I have heard and YES I KNOW IT IS NOT TRUE OF ALL WOMEN OR MEN, but it makes a lot of sense if you think about it!!! Here it is: "Women never let go of one branch until they have hold of another" Well at least you knew you broke up... I didn't even get that information... some people just do not know how to be alone... that's why they "fade" from one relationship to another... My "branch" always seems to be out of reach...
Davis Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Well at least you knew you broke up... I didn't even get that information... some people just do not know how to be alone... that's why they "fade" from one relationship to another... Hey Guin. Actually I thought everything was fine and I didn't know we broke up. I got into her email, found out she was cheating and never talked to her again. Like you, I was "side-swiped" without any warning. I agree. I know a lot of women that cannot be alone (as I'm sure it's true with men), obviously including my ex. I guess she figured she would just use me until she found someone else so she didn't have to be alone. I think that shows poor character. It must, because they are obviously cheaters too. In her case I've said to my friends "she would not let go of one banana until she had hold of another".
suchislife Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 What I've found is some people don't give closure because they don't want it to be over, just in case, or think the way they feel will fade and then they won't have to deal with anything. Or, they are insecure and want to either pretend it was the other person's imagination regarding a relationship, or they don't want to run the risk of being a stand up kind of person. What they lose when they don't come out with it, is tremendous. I can't really think of the words that describe this kind of person. Coward is close, but doesn't quite cover it. If you can't be a stand up kind of person, it will come back to bite you. It always does. People are messed up when they do this. You don't want them.
Cossette4 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I totally agree--some people CANNOT be alone and my ex is one of them!! I am an only child and I f*cking LOVE having time to myself to just relax and unwind and think about things. My ex was the total opposite--he ALWAYS needed to be hanging around me 24/7, clinging to his guy friends when I was out of town, and now he needs the loving comfort of the bisexual skank once he realized we were drifting apart (it's no coincidence he did the breakup and moved in with another girl while I was away on business for 3 months). Sometimes I feel so down on myself for being "lonely" and "alone" but we are so strong to be able to do so. It's nice to "HAVE" someone but it's downright sad to "NEED" someone no matter what.
Davis Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Hey Such. Thanks. All good points by you: just in case, it's not thier fault, they don't want to deal with it. She has done this with her other relationships too. She was still giving stuff back to her other ex three months after we were together and I was having to deal with that. Maybe the term is "lowlife" or "loser" or "derelict" or "piece of sh**t". Not just one word covers them, they are just weak, pathetic people. Even an "attempt" to do the right thing or be a standup person would have been nice. Sometimes I feel so down on myself for being "lonely" and "alone" but we are so strong to be able to do so. It's nice to "HAVE" someone but it's downright sad to "NEED" someone no matter what. You shouldn't feel down on yourself, but I know what you mean. It's hard to feel lonely. I don't feel like I "have to" have someone, but it's always way better when you have someone around than being alone.
BUTAFLY Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 So I'm feeling pretty low... trying to figure out what it is about me that makes guys cheat on me. I seem to be the only common denominator... But when I break down his pros/cons list of this guy, it's not me that was the problem... although it's a problem that I allowed some of these things to happen to me. OMG:eek: ! I know where your coming from. I went through the same thing...but get this. MY ex was not only seeing someone else, he got engaged to her while we were dating. The jerk couldn't even brake it off with me ...just disappeared. Oh.......I work with him too. If thats not bad enough...His anniversery is this week(Valentines day) and he and his WIFE are in the carribean, celebrating their love by frolicking on some sunny beach. I loath the day when he returns to work all tan( lookn good) and passing around pictures of his trip. God, i'm gonna be sick. ps. I'm currently in therapy for what you said above which I bolded. I too have been Shyted on by guys but this man finally broke me.
Author guin_girl Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 but get this. MY ex was not only seeing someone else, he got engaged to her while we were dating. The jerk couldn't even brake it off with me ...just disappeared. Got ya beat... my ex that I'm still getting over (not this one in this thread) was in a long term relationship for 8 years, bought a house and truck with her during the last 2.5 years of their relationship, which was when he started dating me, staying with me 4-5 nights a week... I HAD NO CLUE I WAS THE OTHER WOMAN. who would think it with all the time he spent with me... 2.5 years, she shows up on my doorstep to "claim" him. my whole world just fell out from underneath me!! But back to this "disappearing act".... I'm on 24 days NC, but it still bothers me... last night I was watching something, and I know he was too, cause I know his pattern, and I so badly wanted to call him and talk about it... I miss his friendship.... ARGH!!!
Davis Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 You made 24 days of NC! And you made it through VD! I mean Valentine's Day! Glad you didn't call him! Hang in there Guin!
Author guin_girl Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 You made 24 days of NC! And you made it through VD! I mean Valentine's Day! Glad you didn't call him! Hang in there Guin! Thank you, I appreciate it... I think I'm over the hump actually.
BUTAFLY Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Got ya beat... my ex that I'm still getting over (not this one in this thread) was in a long term relationship for 8 years, bought a house and truck with her during the last 2.5 years of their relationship, which was when he started dating me, staying with me 4-5 nights a week... I HAD NO CLUE I WAS THE OTHER WOMAN. who would think it with all the time he spent with me... 2.5 years, she shows up on my doorstep to "claim" him. my whole world just fell out from underneath me!! But back to this "disappearing act".... I'm on 24 days NC, but it still bothers me... last night I was watching something, and I know he was too, cause I know his pattern, and I so badly wanted to call him and talk about it... I miss his friendship.... ARGH!!! Wow thats awful!! isn't amazing how far a person will go to lie and deceive, and for what? thats what I want to know.? but anywhy. How I do NC is make it a game of will. If your stubburn like me you might want to try this. I bet myself I can go X many days with out contacting...(eye contact, calling, text, email, driving by the house or neighbohood, old hangouts ect). if i can do that then I buy myself something nice or simply give myself a pat on the back and then try to extend the time to X+2 more days and so on. It sound like you have a strong will and knows whats best. Hang in there I know its hard not to listen to yourself and follow your heart...just know your heart is lying! good luck/stay strong.
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