alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I called my ex this morning to apologise for last night, when I'd sent him a text saying he needed to grow a spine, get some responsibility and realise the world doesn't revolve around him (because he doesn't seem to want to be involved with the baby). I mentioned that I want him to be involved with the baby. Said I want him to go to a scan and be at the birth but he wouldn't do that - and he said he will if I want him to. He said he wants to go to a scan to see how the baby is, and asked me to tell him when my next one is. So we'll see. He also said he'd take the baby to the park when it's older, and see it regularly every fortnight or so. When I asked him if he'd do that and said I didn't think he'd really do it, he said "I'm not that heartless, you really think badly of me don't you?" He seemed genuine, which is a good sign. Now about me; I had to bring up 'us' again. He'd sent a text last night in reply to the 'nasty' one I'd sent, saying "realise you're not part of me anymore. Get over it. If you think about it you'll know I'm right". I asked why he sent that and he said that I'd sent him a nasty text and that was hurtful. I asked if he still thought I wanted to get back with him and he said "you love me". I said I didn't, he wouldn't believe me...then he said something about moving on and asked if I was going out with Steve (another ex) tonight. I said I was (and next Saturday) and he said "you're moving on then". I tried asking when he lost his feelings because to me, it matters. If the feelings went so quickly then he must have not had any for a while -did he not have any on Xmas Day when he was still saying he wanted kids with me, or in Oct-November when we started talking about having children...I said that's why I keep asking, because if he didn't have feelings back then or they were lessening, he shouldn't have even considered having a baby with me. He started saying I shouldn't be talking about this, because it bores him to death and he likes to keep his cards close to his chest, then I can't remember why, but he suddenly said "I just didn't know how to finish with you" and that he made the wrong decision not choosing Wendy! In case you don't know, Wendy is a lady that for 2 months at the start of the relationship, he was running around after, basically being her taxi service and dropping being with me for helping her out. She's his age, and he said there was nothing but friendship going on. Eventually he 'chose' me over her and stopped contacting her. That comment really hurt and I kept asking if he meant it but all he'd say is "I did choose wrong". I asked why and he said that he had more in common with Wendy, they could talk about stuff - but he never bothered talking to me! I tried. Then he said he didn't actually talk to Wendy much - and sometimes she bored him to death too. At one point he also said I'm too young for him - which annoys me, bceause his last ex was 20 years yoounger than him, and they were together for 3 years! What he's basically saying is I'm too immature for him, I think. That was pretty much the extent of the conversation, I gave up talking after he said that about Wendy. It really hurt. I texted after I'd hung up, saying if he'd have given things a chance they would have worked out I think. He said "you can't change, it's gone too far for you. I've got to live my life too and if it's with someone else, so be it". I said I have changed he just didn't give me a chance to prove it, and I don't think he would have changed - he replied, saying "you haven't changed and no, I don't think I would". I texted "How havent I changed? You havent given me a chance to prove it. If we were getting on as mates or back together we wouldnt argue, i couold guarantee that. Half the time I caused arguments cos I thought you hated me anyway. Knew you ddiont love me" He just said "Ok, my last text. Enjoy your night out, I really mean that", to which I replied "thanks. You enjoy Wendy" His reply was "I will, if she's there". So then I phoned him!Asked why he said that last text and he said "well you're seeing Steve tonight aren't you?" I said yes and what does that matter; he said "you're moving on and so am I". I said I'm not actually seeing anyone though, but he seems quick to start mentioning Wendy and he just kept saying "so?". Didn't get much more out of him, apart from when I think I said I can't believe he regrets the relationship and was wishing he'd chosen wendy (to which he just said "so?" again) and that he doesn't miss anything about it. He said "I do miss you in bits". What the hell?! Was he just saying that to make me feel better, do you think? Everytime I say about him not having feelings, he brings up the fact that I don't have feelings or that I'm seeing Steve. I don't think he's bothered about it, I think it's just his way of getting out of answering my question - deflect the attention onto me. So...your thoughts? :-)
RocketMan2 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Alasia.... Why do you persist in contacting him? He sounds like a horrible person. Why do you want him? Look how he's behaved with you and his exs, as boyfriends and fathers. Your child will be better off without him. What kind of role model is he? Stop contacting him! He doesn't want or deserve you. Rocket
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 Well I've offically had it with him now. Called him again to give him the scan date (my midwife just phoned to arrange it) and he was at his mum's, so suddenly all he'd say was "I keep telling you not to phone me, kaz!". He puts on a completely different tone in from of his mum, which annoys me. She was there shouting in the background, saying something about "months ago" (didn't catch the rest) and that I'd trapped him into having a baby! Couldn't get much ouot of him and he refused to tell his mum what he'd said to me earlier, or that we'd planned the baby and had been meeting up all this time, so Iphoned his mum's home phone and spoke to her. She said that she and Phil weren't interested in me or the baby, and that I should get rid of it, then hung up. So as far as I'm concerned, Phil can forget ever having anything to do with the baby. It was only an hour ago (when he wasn't around his mum) that he was saying he wanted to go with me to a scan, be at the birth...he seemed really into it. So he's either lying to me, or his mum - either way he's not the sort of person I want around my baby. This is it - lol how many times have I said that! Truly mean it this time though.
RocketMan2 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Alasia... I hope you do mean it. Dont take offence to this, but honestly your situation sounds like a really over dramatic soap opera. Just get out of it! This man is a child, plain and simple. Im sure youve said this somewhere in one of your posts but I cant find it now, how old are both of you? You deserve someone who will see your true self, and together you will compliment each others' values and strengths/weaknesses. All this guy does is put you down under instruction from his mum. Just cut him off completely and dont respond do him! He will try and contact you, just ignore him! Rocket
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 I'm 23, he's 44. I know he's no good for me or the baby. I don't want him back- no way - the only thing that was stopping me never contacting him again was the fact I'm having his baby, and I really don't believe it's fair for a baby to never know who it's father is. He just texted saying he'll still come to a scan if I want him to, but to not tell his mum. I can't really stop him coming; atm I don't feel like I want him to but I'd feel guilty if I stopped him from being involved - if he really wants to be. Oh and by the way I know it sounds like a soap opera; my life was nice and normal 5 months ago!
polywog Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Hi Alasia, I have been following your threads since the beginning, but I think this is the first time I've posted. My heart goes out to you. What it looks like is that you keep leaving the ball in his court, giving him too much power despite your break-up, and painful as that is, you need to take care of yourself and move on, take the step of NC for real. I can only begin to imagine how hard this is because you're carrying his baby & I have never been in your position. I was struck in your post by his mother's ugly reaction, who needs that baggage, too? Not you or your baby! So I hope you will be kind to yourself, and have the strength to cut him off so you will really heal. You certainly deserve better, and you know it.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 Thanks. At least his mother's reaction made me realise I'm better off well away from that family. I care for them because I got to knows them over the past 5-6 months, but if they change their tune so quickly then they're obviously not the type of people I thought they were. My ex even had the gall to text and say "my mum's been taken ill because of you!" I sat there for 30 minutes worrying that she'd had a heart attack through stress or something, then I finally got through to him on the phone and found out she'd slipped a disc in the wash room (she lives in sheltered accomodation and must have slipped or something) - nothing to do with me! Then he said the bit in my prevous poists about still coming to my scan, but I had to leave his mum out of the loop.
polywog Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Thanks. At least his mother's reaction made me realise I'm better off well away from that family. I care for them because I got to knows them over the past 5-6 months, but if they change their tune so quickly then they're obviously not the type of people I thought they were. My ex even had the gall to text and say "my mum's been taken ill because of you!" I sat there for 30 minutes worrying that she'd had a heart attack through stress or something, then I finally got through to him on the phone and found out she'd slipped a disc in the wash room (she lives in sheltered accomodation and must have slipped or something) - nothing to do with me! Then he said the bit in my prevous poists about still coming to my scan, but I had to leave his mum out of the loop. "MY MUM'S BEEN TAKEN ILL BECAUSE OF YOU":eek: ???? OMG, run far, far away.... That's so manipulative, mean, blaming, and unecessary, and sick. Stay away from them and let them have their heart attacks and slipped disks..... Could you really see yourself being tethered to a MIL like that? Ick.
Author alasia Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 I know...I have no idea why I'm so gutted that he'll find someone else - I think it's just that I'd like him to have some feelings for me because thinking that he's moving on without giving me a second though has dented my pride a bit. I don't think I have any real feelings for him, or if they are then they're a lot less than the ones I had a few weeks ago.
lorr Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Jesus!I'm starting to have more sympathy for Phil! That is what you get when you continually harrass your ex and his family. For god sakes LEAVE HIM AND HIS FAMILY ALONE. If he is interested in contacting you about the baby then he will, but stop contacting him every frigging minute.
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