Guest Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 About two years ago I had an EA with an ex and my husband found out. At this point my husband and I talked about if we wanted to continue in our marriage and both decided that we did if changes were going to happen. It has been a year and a half since he found out and I thought things were getting better. There is still occassional tension, escpecially since I want to be intimate more than him. Today he slipped into a conversation that our relationship was on the edge. I asked him what he meant by that as I thought we had made a lot of progress. He said that he has a hard time being intimate with me because every time we are the thought of the infidelity runs through the back of his mind. I asked him if he wanted to seek counselling and he declined. He said that he just needed to find someone that had succeded in the same situation that could help him resolve his feelings. I also asked him if there was anything else that I need to be doing to help the situation. He said no...that I had been open about the affair, and I am where I am when I say I am going to be there, there is nothing "shady" regarding my where abouts. My question is if there is anything else that I could possibly do to help with the situation? I understand that there is the likelihood that he may never get over the infidelity and we will need to figure out what to do if that is the case. I would like to save my marriage. I am just looking for some input about anything I could do to help with the healing process if that is possible.
Sup Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 You two DO need to go to Marriage Counseling. Unfortunately, he will ALWAYS remember the affair, as far as his problems being involved with you, that's not his fault. I say that because, he wonders how, and what you did sexually with OM, even to the extent of the pleasures that you had with OM, I'm not trying to bash you, but, YOU know what you have done to your husband. I hate to say it, but, you may have to let him go. Do you have Children? If not, I would say don't have any, until, or unless this can be overcome. It's ALWAYS harder when there's children involved.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 You need to be an open book to save your marriage but not be defensive about it, although some people may not want to know the initimate details because it is a double edged sword. He may never get over it, that is the chance that you took when you went to have the affair. Him and you may end up paying with this for the rest of your lives if you guys do not work it out thru MC. good luck
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