JupiterFem Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 My husband always liked thin girls. He dumped me at least three times in our first year b/c I wasn't skinny enough - and always came back. That was seven years ago. Four years ago we split for 5 months b/c of his OCD. Last August we married. Few days ago he presented me with divorce papers - I gained about 7 lbs since we married. I always gain in the winter. He says it's an excuse. I put up with much (ocd, etc.). He will not put up with me being fat: 134 lbs at 5'8". It hurts so much. I am so afraid of being alone. Any advice? Should I go on a crazy diet for the rest of my life to give him what he wants or should I be 'tough'? Am 28 years old. Thanks for any input.
PWSX3 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 You should NEVER have to be someone you don't want to be for someone else. If you want to lose the weight then that is your choice but don't do it for him. So you go on a crazy diet and as you get older you will have trouble keeping it off then what???? If this is something that is that important to him then you might need to set down and have a good talk with him.
ilmw Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 You should NEVER have to be someone you don't want to be for someone else. If you want to lose the weight then that is your choice but don't do it for him. So you go on a crazy diet and as you get older you will have trouble keeping it off then what???? If this is something that is that important to him then you might need to set down and have a good talk with him. I agree with PW 100% Also I am sorry for your pain......BUT!?? .OMG are you *ucking kidding me... He is divorcing you because you put on a few pounds... !! Seriously.... what would he have done if you got pregnant and put on lets says... 40-60 lbs???? If he is that superficial... maybe you are lucky this is happening now... and not when you are in fact pregnant.... then this would even be worse situation. I am not one for separation.... I don't condone divorce... but geeesssh lady... where did you find this arse!! I know you are going to here from some of the others.. on here.... I also won't be surprised... if they don't say something unlike what I have.. You knew he was like this before you married him.... did you think this attitude would change? Did he say he had changed?? How could you.... yourself... live with this kind of 'condition' in your relationship.... where you had to live up to such an unreasonable... expectation? It baffles me... Does it not you? ilmw
Gunny376 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Over the course of the eons of history, when women become pregno, it automatically kicked the woman's body into its primary function ~ become pregno and having children. Back then you didn't know when or where you next meal was coming from ~ and so women once they became pregno ~ begin storing excess fat for those times of faminie. Enter the 20th Centuary and some asshat in New York City, or Hollyweird decided that "thin is in" And, so now we've got millions if not billions of women out here beating themselves because they're "fat" BS! You deserve better than this BS, and misery. And he's OCD to boot? I don't see your having anything but heartheach and misery with this guy. Case in point: My last LTR GF was 5'9" and weigh in at 160 pounds. She was always going on about being fat, and trying to lose weight. Maybe she was in someone else eyes. I kept telling her that she was height~ weight proportionate (one of the keys). I don't know what her BFI (Body Fat Index) was, but for a woman that exercises (do it for your overall health not weight) is should be about 20%, (someone correct me if I'm wrong ~ I just remember it from my Marine Corps days, and they're very strict about being overweight, and body fat percentage ~ it could cost you job and carrer, in part because they're concerend about physical appercance, (about 10% of it) but they're really more concerend about physcial fitness) I wasn't with "D" because of her body, I was with her, because of her persepective, attitude, intellegence, her laugh, her creatitness, her eyes, her smile ~ her femininity ~ (grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I like my ladies very fem), and because the sex was grrrrrrrrrreeaaaatttt! (Think Tony the Tiger) I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I can match Majic Johnsnon's number of the number of women that I've been with ~ but I've have had my fair share. I've always gone for quality over quantity, and I'm very selective of who I get with. The number one quality they all shared? Personality! They were there own person ~ and they made no apolgies about it. They all tended to be quick to smile, and laugh ~ and generally knew how to have a good time. With or without me. Weight? Hell, I don't think it ever crossed my mind ~ I was having too good of a time interacting with them. I say dump this asshat, and go and find yourself someone that appreciates you for who and what you are, as you are. He's out there. There are guys that won't date women unless they're really hugh women. Our minds are pre-wired as to who we're attracted to. I for some reason don't have a specfic body type? Intially, its the smile, the eyes that attract me, and then the attitude, and perspective. I've been with thin women (My XW was 5'4 and weighed in at 110 lbs, she use to be "big" before I meet her, and the way she kept the weight off was by eating a box or two of laxatives a week ~ a never ending argument between the two of us) When all is said and done? The gal that I'm attracted to the most? Is the gal that's attracted to me? That's into me? 134 lbs at 5'8"? WTF, ~ Over? A gal like you can put your shoes under my bed anytime! :love:
Gunny376 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 BTW?! When my XW or one of my GF's would be getting down on themselves, what I would do is grab their hand, lead them into the bathroom, make them look in the mirror, eye to eye, and wrap my arms around them, give them a hug, from behind and make them say five times over and over, "Worse than some, but more beautiful than most!" Then I would wirl them around, embrace them, hold their face in my hands, run my hands through their hair, massage thier neck and tell them ~ to me you're my Hellen of Troy ~ the most beautiful woman in all the world. For you, I would launch a thousand ships, and lay seige to a city for years upon years!! And then give them a long passionate kiss!
LakesideDream Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 JupiterFem, Your guy has serious mental problems. There is nothing you can do to change his OCD. You are not "fat", or overweight. Take this as an oppertunity to move on to someone a bit more stable.
Gunny376 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 :mad: JupiterFem, Your guy has serious mental problems. There is nothing you can do to change his OCD. You are not "fat", or overweight. Take this as an oppertunity to move on to someone a bit more stable. Amen!
CardPlay3r Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 OMG that is so effed up! This guy is a total creep, be glad he's out of your life and move on to find real men that like you for YOU. Hell I don't even want to imagine the kind of control he'll have on you if you stay with him
Audero Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Jupiter, if the man places more value on your weight than on your heart/soul/spirit......it really wasn't much of a marriage to begin with. Hate to burst his bubble, but as women get older, we gain a little weight generally. As do men. If his concern is how good you look, and not how good of a person you are, he doesn't deserve you. Your spouse/partner is supposed to love you and support you, not destroy your self esteem. My two cents? Get the divorce, and find someone whose "priorities" aren't so screwed up.
Ladyjane14 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 This is soooo messed up. Just bear in mind dear, that even if you opt to lose the five pounds... your husband will STILL be the emotional equivalent of the village idiot. There's just no way this guy is in his right mind. There's got to be some underlying mental issues. And my guess is that these issues are serious enough that you'd probably be better off without him.
bab Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 5'8 and 135 sounds pretty healthy to me! Not just healty, but skinny!! Your H is crazy. I'd say your best bet would be to sign the divorce papers. Yikes!!
CardPlay3r Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 This sounds like an extreme case of manipulation and emotional abuse...see the OP is doubting herself too even asking "should I go on a crazy diet for him?" If you ask something like that then he's damaged you on some level already..
Pyro Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 My husband always liked thin girls. He dumped me at least three times in our first year b/c I wasn't skinny enough - and always came back. That was seven years ago. Four years ago we split for 5 months b/c of his OCD. Last August we married. Few days ago he presented me with divorce papers - I gained about 7 lbs since we married. I always gain in the winter. He says it's an excuse. I put up with much (ocd, etc.). He will not put up with me being fat: 134 lbs at 5'8". It hurts so much. I am so afraid of being alone. Any advice? Should I go on a crazy diet for the rest of my life to give him what he wants or should I be 'tough'? Am 28 years old. Thanks for any input. This guy sounds completely mental. Besides him, Nicole Ritchie would be the only other person on this planet that would consider you overweight. I would much rather be alone than be with someone who is on that low of a level and is a complete nutcase. This is the best thing that could happen to you.
Impudent Oyster Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Honey, you are in fabulous shape, don't let this guy crush your self-esteem. I hope you don't have children so that dumping him and finding a real man will be so much easier. You don't need someone messing with your head like this. Rather than you losing 5 pounds, lose about 185 pounds when you tell him to take a hike.
Gunny376 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Rather than you losing 5 pounds, lose about 185 pounds when you tell him to take a hike. :laugh: :laugh:
anna13 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 get out and meet other people .. other guys .. you are never alone , get rid of this loser.
Gunny376 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 get out and meet other people .. other guys .. you are never alone , get rid of this loser. LOL! A couple of months ago, when you came to LS, Anna you came across as this shy, loving, caring, giving, sharing, meek and mild mannered type? Now you're starting to show some spit in your eye and fire in your posts! Thatagirl! You ROCK!!!! I bequeth you with no less than five bunnies! :bunny: :bunny:
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Rather than you losing 5 pounds, lose about 185 pounds when you tell him to take a hike. EXACTLY!!!!!!! Not only are you in fabulous shape, but you ARE fabulous. Don't let this guy bring you down!!! I cannot believe the nerve of that guy!!
hopeto Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 You need to kick his a double s to the crub!!!!! go and some of my post. it will never change!!!!!!! and guess what? it is not you!! after 18 years of marriage to my husband I find he has a porn addictiond. to women and little kids(between 9-14 if that old.) he has degraded me thru all the 18 years about how fat and nasty I am and that I am so big well you know what I am big compared to an 9 year old child!!!!! you need to get rid of the loser you have and be by yourself. I know how you feel. I am only 33 years old and pratical lived my life with my husband and I will not tell you that I dont have days where I cant breath or eat or sleep but it will get better and you will servive. your ability to take care of yourself will kick in and you WILL DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!!!! I have a 6 year old child that I have caught up in the middle of al this. I bet it is not you at all it is him. and my point is you might want to surf around unbenos to him and see what you can find. I bet his nose is no where near clean!!!!!!!! like I said kick him to the curb and DON'T take him back!!!!!!!!!!
Lor Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Ah jeez... :lmao: I've missed this place. JF, you are perfect for your size. Take it from me ~ 5'-6" now 121 lbs ~ can I have some bunnies for gaining 5 lbs?? :bunny: .....and what I'd give to have another 5 on me. You don't need to lose one ounce, let alone 5 lbs. You're a knockout so he's trying to knock you down. Tell that boy to bounce.
sb129 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I am exactly the same dimensions as you and I am not fat! I am one hot honey. Your husband is doing you a favour by asking for a divorce. He is setting you free to find a real man. What a loser. Get rid.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Has no one else thought that this is just an excuse because he's got someone on the side?
dilly Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Could be but she did say: He dumped me at least three times in our first year b/c I wasn't skinny enough - and always came back. I have a friend that did the same thing. GF gained a few pounds and he didn't like the way she looked. Yes he WAS that shallow! There may be an ulterior motive besides the weight...
redfathom Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Tell your husband that women ARE NOT supposed to look like 10 year old boys. I think your height and wight seems perfect for any women!
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