empty906 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 My friend's wife keeps on me to have A with her. She has even gotten to the point of getting all emotional about it and saying, "Is it me? Do you not like me?" Obviously I am not her first try. She was way to casual about it and upfront about how good the sex would be. So. Do I be an ass and screw up my friend's marriage by telling him or do I be an ass and not say anything and let him find out on his own? He is head over heels for her and they have only been married a couple or three years. I really don't want to get in the middle of this, really. He is not a best friend and he is not a very close friend. I just know him pretty well. What would you say to your friend?
puddleofmud Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 You poor thing! Well, since this is NOT your best buddy and merely more of an "aquaintance" then best to say nothing and to cut ties with both he and she. Should he have been a best friend then one would be more apt to be obligated to be truthful. In this case you've no obligation other than to be repulsed and to protect yourself. Otherwise, don't talk about it within your "circle" either so no gossip ensues. Should your not a particular friend hear about it; the blame would be more likely placed upon you and not her. You're the good guy here so don't worry too much about it!
Author empty906 Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 I won't mention it to our other friends, no problems there. I just didn't know the proper protocol on getting involved. Kinda uncomfortable now is all.
frannie Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Hello empty, I've seen you over on Separation and Divorce. I don't know what you should do about your friend's wife. It's the eternal question, isn't it... should you tell people how their spouse is behaving..? I had a similar situation years ago when a couple my boyfriend and I were really good friends with were on the run-up to their marriage... and HE kept hitting on me. He even ran his fingers up my back on their wedding day. I didn't say anything to her. I wouldn't have known HOW to tell her. They were all lovey-dovey and having special loving inscriptions on their wedding rings and he was doing that?? To be honest I almost thought I was imagining it. I told him he was being a complete fool and I don't think I ever spoke directly to him again. Later on we drifted apart for other reasons (my boyfriend and I split up and we were no longer a foursome). I still wonder whether I should have told her or not. Anyway, a few years ago I ran into them at a country fair. They had three children, and seemed really really happy. So... I don't know... Maybe he's had a string of affairs, maybe who knows he calmed down. All I can say is I chose not to get involved in telling anyone anything.
CardPlay3r Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I would incline towards telling him, I don't think it's fair to him to be a fool like this...and since she does it alot he'll probably find out eventually or she's going to leave him when she finds someone she likes more so better for him to get out now then after more years of bs If you do tell him you might do a little recording as evidence so he won't be blinded by love and believe her denials Just think of it this way.... if it was you instead of him, would you want someone to open your eyes about it? then apply your answer to him..
lindya Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 This situation sounds potentially poisonous. This woman must know there's a good chance that you'll tell her husband about her behaviour - yet she's still persisting in it. Tell her husband, and you might find that she's got some "no no darling - he was chasing me..." story up her sleeve. If you've got her email address, send her an email outlining the situation very clearly. Just as an example.... "You have made your sexual interest in me more than clear. It's not reciprocated and in any event I don't get involved with married women. Take this as a warning - but if you persist in making a nuisance of yourself I will be letting your unfortunate husband know who and what you are." That way, you'll have a record of what you told her - and when.
Blue Phoenix Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I would tell him think of it this way you dont know what she may be sleeping around with.And from the sounds of it shes in heat and will do anthing thats willing. So would you rather tell him now and know you did the right thing by him. Or maybe who knowes end up telling him after he finds out he had aids!!
mopar crazy Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I had a similar situation years ago when a couple my boyfriend and I were really good friends with were on the run-up to their marriage... and HE kept hitting on me. He even ran his fingers up my back on their wedding day. I didn't say anything to her. I wouldn't have known HOW to tell her. They were all lovey-dovey and having special loving inscriptions on their wedding rings and he was doing that?? To be honest I almost thought I was imagining it. Had the samething happen to me...the groom was hitting on me at the reception! I was the maid of honor for my BF wedding. At the reception I was set next to him. During our meal he kept asking me out. I told him he just got M to MY BF! I wanted to puke! I couldn't tell her, I just couldn't, it would of torn her apart. Their M didn't last very long, about a year if that. Guess she found out what a looser he was. empty, I'm sorry you are dealing w/ this but I would tell this woman friend of yours that you are flattered but she is M to your friend and you just can't have an A w/ her.
Woggle Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 f you stab your friend in the back like this you will be lower than scum. I would see if I can find a way to record her advcances without her knowing it like turning on a cell phones recorder on your pocket while preyending to get your keys and then playing it for him. Your friend deserves to know before it is too late.
norajane Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I think you should tell your friend. It's early in their marriage, and if she is doing this now, she's not likely to stop. Better for him to find out now rather than after they have children (which might not end up even being his!).
Author empty906 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 Thanks for the ideas, guys, but I still don't know if I should (or how I should) approach him about this. It wasn't a one time flirt I am talking about. She has been very persistent for the past month. Very! She has asked me to have sex with her about 60 times. No joke. She doesn't want to take no for the answer. And I have always said no. Especially since she is my friend's wife. I haven't ever given her an indicator that I would have sex with her either, I flirt alot but not with my friend's wives. So I don't see how she could have read me wrong on anything. She texts me all day. So annoying... She also texts me when she knows I am with my W. I guess trying to cause problems?!? Stupid! And is graphic in her words. She hasn't contacted me in the past couple of days so maybe she has moved on. I just don't want my friend to find out I know what she is doing and didn't think highly enough of our friendship to help the guy out. BUT!!! I also don't want to play a part in some kind of game his W is fabricating either (like Lindya said). She is very open and graphic about what she wants to do. She will be willing to say anything to protect herself. And Blue Phoenix, your concern is also mine. If she was after me she was after whoever else would play along. What is she bringing home to Daddy?!? You know? I appreciate the help, really, and I'll keep thinking about what my role should be in this.
norajane Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Sounds like you've got a phone full of texts propositioning you. If he doesn't believe you, you have plenty of proof.
Author empty906 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 Sounds like you've got a phone full of texts propositioning you. If he doesn't believe you, you have plenty of proof. No, I deleted them all. I tried emailing them to one of my email addresses but it never would work right. I wanted to keep a record of them JUST IN CASE but I also knew my W wouldn't understand at all. My W has checked my phone before and I learned to always have it ready for her inspection. Another friend knows about the texts but not who she is. He has been with me several times when they appeared. He suggested taking a picture of the screen the next time she starts up. I'll do that if I get anymore. The last time she was on a roll I was at home with the family. My phone kept going off and I had to shove it under some stuff in my office so it wouldn't attract attention. I should have photographed them then but when I went into my office later I quickly cleared the messages, just in case my W wanted to check on me.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Definately tell YOUR wife what she is doing. The more you hide it, it could back fire on you...I mean, what if she turns it around saying YOu were chasing her, texting her? So, yeah, tell your wife about this problem.. And, DELETE/block her text messages. She's screwing with ya and trying to get you (and her) into trouble.
Author empty906 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 I see what your saying about telling my W. I guess I was trying so to hide what I was doing that I bundled everything together. Atleast all my responses to her were evasive and nothing incriminating. If it starts again I will consider telling my W what is going on. I am just apprehensive about doing that. I don't know how she would respond. My W doesn't know the friend's W.
Author empty906 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 Hello empty, I've seen you over on Separation and Divorce. I don't know what you should do about your friend's wife. It's the eternal question, isn't it... should you tell people how their spouse is behaving..? ..... Anyway, a few years ago I ran into them at a country fair. They had three children, and seemed really really happy. So... I don't know... Maybe he's had a string of affairs, maybe who knows he calmed down. All I can say is I chose not to get involved in telling anyone anything. It seems different looking at the situation from the outside, doesn't it Frannie? I would die if a friend took it upon himself to free his conscious and tell my wife what I was doing behind her back. And that friend and I would have a long talk. It would get ugly. So. Do I do what I never would want a friend to do to me? I would want to know if my W was messing around but not her knowing that I was doing the messing. Totally unfair, I know. If a friend did come and tell me that my W was messing with him, I would really have trust that friend, you know? There would have to be a strong trust there between him and I. That trust certainly doesn't exist between me and this friend whose W is trying to cheat on him. I never wanted to become that good of friends with him. Maybe I should just go about my own business and leave her playing to that household and hope she slips up somewhere down the line. None of my business.
CardPlay3r Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Ok dude seems you need to grow a backbone (and some balls). It's like everyone is pushing you around, your wife is INSPECTING your phone? LOL Then this woman keeps proposing sex to you, well no wonder she keeps on doing it looks like you're a big push over. I don't mean this as an attack but you have to wake up and realize these things...why do I get the feeling your wife is ordering you around too
frannie Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Have you told this woman to stop or else? How about telling her if she doesn't stop you WILL tell her husband? See how that goes down. How does she have your cellphone number anyway..? Can you put her number on blocked..? Having read something about your marriage on the other forum I can understand something of why you haven't told your wife about it. But ordinarily, this would be the first thing I would think someone would do. However... I didn't tell my boyfriend (in that situation I was in)... and the reason was, our relationship was on the rocks (hence our later splitting up). Have you had any other thoughts about what you're going to do about it? Send her a warning. Record the texts (but she may claim you were sending similar ones in return). Tell your wife (?!) Actually, the most worrying thing (to me) about all this is how your marriage is not strong enough to deal with something like this... rather than the state of their marriage. But then I'm probably over-thinking something here.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 What would you say to your friend? If it was a good friend, I'd definitely tell him. Friends don't let friends stay with wh0res. If it was someone I just knew, but not well...then I might feel the same way as you...however, I was hit on at a birthday party at a bar for a friend(not by the friend's wife) by someone I just knew, but wasn't friends with. It was a pretty ballsy move on her part seeing as how my wife wasn't far away...I just told her, "why don't you act like a f#ckin' wife?" and walked off. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but thats what I said.....I hate cheaters.
frannie Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 If it was a good friend, I'd definitely tell him. Friends don't let friends stay with wh0res. lol. Good luck with telling a 'friend' that his wife is a wh0re as you put it. This is someone he's married to...
Salicious Crumb Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 lol. Good luck with telling a 'friend' that his wife is a wh0re as you put it. This is someone he's married to... Already did....and he didn't take it well....then he thanked me after he got his own proof and they divorced. Funny thing is..in a small town like ours, his wife was too stupid to think nobody would find out.
Recommended Posts