greystone08 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 What's up loveshack. Need some advice. I'm 26 years old and my gf is 22. We've been going together for 4 years. We've been living together for 4 months. There's a lot of times when my girlfriend wants sex more than i do. When we had our own places, we did it every other day. Now that we're living together, i just haven't had the desire as much as she has lately. She's still in College and is at home ALL the time. I go to work for 9 hours a day and most nights when i come home, i want to unwind and watch a little TV. Some of you might find this weird but i've found that in the winter months, i'm not quite as aroused. Partly because i don't see her in the summer gear like the shorts and stuff that turns me on. Is this normal? I mean don't get me wrong, we have sex at least once or twice a week but its not enough for her. It seems like like she wants it everyday. HAs any other men on this forum felt like this? I don't have ED or nothing but there's times i want it more than others. Sometimes we even do it twice a day, it just really depends on the mood. I love her alot and am still very much attracted to her, but she's kind of a nympho. I just don't want my temporary lack of desire to lead to her possibly cheating or leaving. She does spice things up every so often and will surprise me when i get home with some lingerie and high heels. That always works. She doesn't do that everytime (And i don't expect her to), but it still feels like she wants it everday. She always watches porn and I feel like i'm not not pleasing her. It bothers me and i've told her that it has nothing to do with her. I just can't turn my self on and off like a machine whenever she demands it. She seems to take it awfully personal and lately has been carrying this attitude around that feels like a grudge. I don't know what to do and really need some advice. I feel like this is causing my relationship to slowly fade. I'm not sure if it has something to do with us living together but i feel like i'm not living up to her standards. Please... need advice from both men and women on this?
Rooster_DAR Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Any advice? Im am in the same boat as you my friend, however I'm 42 and my G/F is 21. She is possibly the horniest female I've ever been with, I just touch her and she goes nuts. The only advice I can give is don't put her off too much, if you're not in the mood just let her know. When I'm not in the mood, I still manage to take care of her orally as much as I can, to satisfy her if just a little. Also, talk to her about buying a "womans toy" if you know what I mean, that way she has something to play with when you need a break. I am trying to get my girl to buy one, and we have talked about this already. Good luck!
CardPlay3r Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 lol rooster you're still going strong with that 21 yo, do u feel like bill clinton already? grey I second that vibrator thing, maybe spice things up like some BDSM play and such
Audero Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but if the two people involved don't have a similar sex drive, it can become a huge deal. I'm going to make some generalizations here which may or may not "fit". In general, women want sex because they see it as the ultimate bonding with the person they love. Sometimes, it isn't so much about the act itself, as it is simply wanting to show the other person how much they love them. Maybe she is a very loving person who likes to show it. Maybe she needs the reassurance that you love her. It could be any number of things. Being tired after work, not feeling well, or simply not being in the mood are all understandable reasons to not want sex. I hope she sees this, and doesn't hold it against you when you say "no". Some women have a high sex drive. Some men don't. If this continues to be an issue, you are going to have to ask yourself if this relationship is right for either of you. Better to find out and admit it now, rather than 10 years down the road.
Rooster_DAR Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Just by her a sybian and a poster of Brad Pitt, that will keep her under control.
jasmine32 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Hi, Does your girlfriend have enough orgasms when you have sex? Work on her good the first time and she won't need another time. Jasmine
KittenMoon Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Just to interject: A woman with a high sex drive is not a sexaholic. If a 20-something guy wants it every single day, nobody blinks twice, but when a girl does.....
Teacher's Pet Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 My ex was a nympho. We had sex, usually 5-6 nights a week, sometimes 2-3 times a night... She usually "instigated" things... dirty text messages at work, playful conversation, etc.... She would call me at midnight to come over for some "fun"...... I rarely every got into PJ's at home, because I knew that phone would be a-ringin'..... Sadly, over time, I got to really KNOW her.....and I was too blinded by the "fun" we had to realize how AWFUL a person she was. Finding a partner with a strong sex drive is GREAT, but even the attraction of that wears off unless there's more there to it..... Well, at least I have fond memories of her bed..... -tp .....and the bathroom, the kitchen, the couch.......... *sighs*
Rooster_DAR Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Just to interject: A woman with a high sex drive is not a sexaholic. If a 20-something guy wants it every single day, nobody blinks twice, but when a girl does..... Exactly, I have tried to make this point time and time again. Woman still live with a social stigma.
IpAncA Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but if the two people involved don't have a similar sex drive, it can become a huge deal. I'm going to make some generalizations here which may or may not "fit". Being tired after work, not feeling well, or simply not being in the mood are all understandable reasons to not want sex. I hope she sees this, and doesn't hold it against you when you say "no". Some women have a high sex drive. Some men don't. If this continues to be an issue, you are going to have to ask yourself if this relationship is right for either of you. Better to find out and admit it now, rather than 10 years down the road. Yep I agree with this. Do you two base your relationship on sex or do you do anything else?
Lauriebell82 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 i can indentify from ur gfs point of u. my bf doesnt want to have sex as much as he used to. he is either too tired, or too drunk, or just is too stressed out to be in the mood. sometimes i feel like he just doenst want to have sex with me because he isnt attracted to me or doesnt love me as much a i thought. these are probably thoughts that are entering ur gfs head. when i do have sex with my bf the sex is fantastic, so of course i would look forward to being with him a lot. this is probably how she feels too. i guess i can see why guys want to have sex constantly when they first get in a relationship, but why does it have to die down? anyway i think the next time ur gf tries to initiate sex and ur "not in the mood" tell her that u love her and still have the hots for her but ur just so tired. then the next time u have sex, make it totally FANTASTICLY MINDBLOWING that she will erase every doubt in her mind that she ever had. thats what my boyfriend does for me. i think it is just a little confusing because when ur bf goes from wanting to have sex constantly to saying he's too tired or he isnt in the mood, it can be a little confusing and jaring. just keep reminding her that u love her and still desire her, but u work hard u cant always get urself in the mood like she can.
karlesa Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Tell her how you feel dude. Work with her and things will work out.
CaliGuy Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Any advice? Send her to me? HAHA! Just kidding. Why not simply tell her that you'd like her to dress up, change the mood, wear sexy clothes, role play, whatever. If your sex life has become mundane, why not take the lead and help spice it up?
Author greystone08 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 thanks for all the advice guys/gals. I'm going to try to spice things up. We used to do it about 5 or 6 nights a week but latley my desire has just kind of slown down shortly after we started living together. I'm going to take all your guy's advice. To answer tour question, no our relationship is not just based on sex. We do alot together, but the sex is a huge part of it. I still am attracted to her though. Caliguy, that was funny! Lauriebell82, do you and your boyfriend live together?
Lauriebell82 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 no we dont live together, greystone, but we stay together every weekend. i go to college hour 1/2 away, but we see each other every weekend (either he comes to visit me and stays at my apartment, or i go home and visit him and stay at his). so its "like" we are living together on the weekend. (not quite though i know). maybe u can offer some insight for me on the this. when we first got together we had sex like 8-10 times over the course of the weekend. we were like rabbits! now its like 2 times MAYBE 3. i dont know what happened. i've tried to wear lingerie and get him excited but he's either too tired or drunk or something else that "disable" him from having sex with me. maybe he's bored cause its sex with the same person all the time. i feel unloved and unwanted. the weird thing is, when we do have sex he is all over me. he practically jumps me!!! and he certainly enjoys himself! but its so much less frequent. i have no clue what to do, and i'm sure thats how ur gf is feeling. any advice for me, from a guy's perspective?
howyoudoin Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 What's up loveshack. Need some advice. I'm 26 years old and my gf is 22. We've been going together for 4 years. We've been living together for 4 months. There's a lot of times when my girlfriend wants sex more than i do. When we had our own places, we did it every other day. Now that we're living together, i just haven't had the desire as much as she has lately. She's still in College and is at home ALL the time. I go to work for 9 hours a day and most nights when i come home, i want to unwind and watch a little TV. Some of you might find this weird but i've found that in the winter months, i'm not quite as aroused. Partly because i don't see her in the summer gear like the shorts and stuff that turns me on. Is this normal? I mean don't get me wrong, we have sex at least once or twice a week but its not enough for her. It seems like like she wants it everyday. HAs any other men on this forum felt like this? I don't have ED or nothing but there's times i want it more than others. Sometimes we even do it twice a day, it just really depends on the mood. I love her alot and am still very much attracted to her, but she's kind of a nympho. I just don't want my temporary lack of desire to lead to her possibly cheating or leaving. She does spice things up every so often and will surprise me when i get home with some lingerie and high heels. That always works. She doesn't do that everytime (And i don't expect her to), but it still feels like she wants it everday. She always watches porn and I feel like i'm not not pleasing her. It bothers me and i've told her that it has nothing to do with her. I just can't turn my self on and off like a machine whenever she demands it. She seems to take it awfully personal and lately has been carrying this attitude around that feels like a grudge. I don't know what to do and really need some advice. I feel like this is causing my relationship to slowly fade. I'm not sure if it has something to do with us living together but i feel like i'm not living up to her standards. Please... need advice from both men and women on this? like watch something that will turn u on before u se her and hn maybe it wont b so hard
Salicious Crumb Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I love her alot and am still very much attracted to her, but she's kind of a nympho. I just don't want my temporary lack of desire to lead to her possibly cheating or leaving. If she is a keeper, she won't cheat on you just because there is a certain time of year things calm down between you two. I'm in the office...but once in a while I have to go out in a blizzard and work...and when I get home, I am dog tired....so I understand where you are coming from. But if she cheats because she is all about "me me me" during a short downtime....then you'll know she isn't a keeper and you can move on to someone decent.
mental_traveller Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Watch some porn together? Or make your own. Just be careful not to end up on youtube like Paris Hilton Seriously, just communicate with her, tell her the same thing. If she is open back, then it's cool, you will come to a solution. But if she just picks a fight or won't talk, then that would be a bad sign. If a couple can't iron out differences through open discussion together, usually the relationship will not last. So, proceed openly, make an effort to address the problem and reach a compromise, experiment a bit, and see how things go.
Jeffrey Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Most ppl at 22 like to go at it like stoned test bunnies. Dude, once or twice a week is just not enough, it's ridiculous to call her a SEXAHOLIC because she wants to have sex once a day.
princesspeaches Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 She always watches porn and I feel like i'm not not pleasing her. Watching porn and being satisfied have nothing to do with eachother, at least to me. I watch porn and its never ever been because I wasn't pleased in a relationship. I certainly wouldn't feel offended if I had a b/f who watched it, or that I wasn't pleasing him. But I'd suggest watching some together if he wanted to. She seems to take it awfully personal and lately has been carrying this attitude around that feels like a grudge. Honestly, if I wanted to and he didn't and he told me nicely that he wasn't in the mood for whatever reason, I wouldn't be to upset. However if I was just noticing a decline in his sexual appetite, and he didn't say to much of anything about it I'd be taking it pretty personally and I'd be pretty upset. thanks for all the advice guys/gals. I'm going to try to spice things up. We used to do it about 5 or 6 nights a week but latley my desire has just kind of slown down shortly after we started living together. This was a problem my first live together relationship had, he no longer felt like he had to try so hard to get it because he knew he could have it anytime he wanted, and I have a pretty high sex drive myself and found myself wishing we had more sex, but not once did I want to cheat or look elsewhere. But he was honest and told me, there was more than that going on, but we discussed it and I stopped trying to get it started everyday. I changed my whole routine and surprised him. My question, was is it just that you're tired or that you don't want to because you know you can? I certainly don't think it makes her a sexaholic, however if I had my way I'd be going everyday sometimes more than once, but I still don't think it makes her a sexaholic.
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