Guest Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I'm recently separated, and in a "structured" separation where we are still going to counseling, and, supposidly still working on the marriage. We haven't made a specific plan on dating others (we've talked about it, but my spouse seems to wavering back and forth depending on their mood at the time). However, my spouse is not wearing their ring (I still wear mine). It seems to me that the only reason not to wear the ring is to be able to date, probably even fool around. While all the talk is now about not dating. Am I just being fooled into not dating while my spouse does? I think that is what they would like. (purposely left this gender neutral because I think that would greatly effect how people respond).
Gunny376 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 As stated, if it was me in this situation? I'd be "letting my fingers do the walking" through the Yellow Pages, until I came across an A T T O R N Y!
MoonGirl Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Not wearing a ring is a bad sign. I agree with Gunny. Time to call a lawyer.
PWSX3 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 There are many different ways of looking at this and I'll just give you my .2 cents worth. Even if you are separated as myself you are still married so if you are wanting to date isn't that a way to say; lets just see whats out there and if we can't find anything better then I'll come back and see if we can make things work? As someone has said here before, if you start dating that will cloud your mind & if you are going to counsoling that to me means you still want to work on the relationship so you don't want to complicate the situation with another person and those emotions. If you are wanting to work on the relationship then put 100% into it. If you are dating that to me isn't putting 100% into working on your marriage and the counsoling I feel is a waste. My buddy told me when my wife moved out; have you done everything you can do to make your marriage work? After looking at it I saw there were things I needed to change and there were things I could do to better what I have control over. Then your spouse has to do the same and only then I feel you can say; O.K. we did everything we could and we just weren't meant to be and then worry about dating. Like I said there are many different ways of looking at it, but I feel if you are going to counseling then you both want to work things out. If you need something to do, I would suggest picking up some books & do some reading that helped me VERY MUCH!!! As Gunny say's you can never get enough information about the subject of marriage. I wish you the best & hopefully you and your spouse will be able to work through this bump in the road of life.
outofdarkness Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I'm recently separated, and in a "structured" separation where we are still going to counseling, and, supposidly still working on the marriage. We haven't made a specific plan on dating others (we've talked about it, but my spouse seems to wavering back and forth depending on their mood at the time). However, my spouse is not wearing their ring (I still wear mine). It seems to me that the only reason not to wear the ring is to be able to date, probably even fool around. While all the talk is now about not dating. Am I just being fooled into not dating while my spouse does? I think that is what they would like. (purposely left this gender neutral because I think that would greatly effect how people respond). When my H and I were separated the first time, I promptly took off my rings right after I found out he had been having multiple A's. I kept it off until we got back together...The second time, I had mine back on but HE took his off...Neither separation was legal and we were in MC the entire time. I was really upset when I realized he was not wearing his, but I did not feel that he had the "right" to be upset about me not wearing mine after what he had done. As far as it being an indication of cheating. That was NOT on my mind. I just wanted to make a statement that I was very angry and felt very "cheated" b/c of 10 years worth of A's. In HIS case, I am certain that it was just a cheater taking advantage of a rare opportunity...Hope this helps. P.S. We did eventually reconcile, and I have not noticed his ring off since, but who knows what goes on when I'm not around...He travels constantly.
hopeto Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 that is not always the case. you may read all my other posts and see what is going on in my marriage or should I say ex marriage. I am the woman and I took off the ring before he did. Do you want to know why? well even if you dont I'm gonna tell ya. hahaha. I took it off not because I wanted to make it look like I was free or even fool around. hell that was the farthest thing from my mind. I loved my husband and still do but you cant make someone love you. I took my off because everytime I looked at it or scraped it across the wall or hit the sink or remove it to put lotion on it hurt. it hurt so deep that I no longer could bare it. it was a reminder that I married and loved someone for 18 years that never really loved me.
outofdarkness Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 that is not always the case. you may read all my other posts and see what is going on in my marriage or should I say ex marriage. I am the woman and I took off the ring before he did. Do you want to know why? well even if you dont I'm gonna tell ya. hahaha. I took it off not because I wanted to make it look like I was free or even fool around. hell that was the farthest thing from my mind. I loved my husband and still do but you cant make someone love you. I took my off because everytime I looked at it or scraped it across the wall or hit the sink or remove it to put lotion on it hurt. it hurt so deep that I no longer could bare it. it was a reminder that I married and loved someone for 18 years that never really loved me. this is sort of an odd post
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