Just 'nother MM Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 How long do you think that will last and he is he just cooling me down like all the other times. Not very, and yes. I am trying to think of things to tell if and when he does come back. I was thinking of saying I gave you your time and now I am working on my H , my marriage and my family. Sorry your time has run out. If I was told something like that, I would have to respect it no matter how I felt. I think it would be incredible if you could do that. Good luck!
Author forbidden fruit Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 today is day five of NC. Now I have feelings of anger for being so played. I guess his true colors have come out and he never cared. He is hiding out like a scared puppy. Well I hope he is happy because not only did he lose out on a relationship with me, but also with my family. I wonder if he even thinks he has lost anything. I guess telling him that I would tell his wife if he came near me did the trick. I guess this is the end. If I know this is for the best why do I feel so bad?
SetMeFree Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 NC really stinks doesn't it??!! Even though my MM and I mutually made the decision of NC, it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like a rubber band that someone is shooting across the room...my emotions are just all over the place! I come here and read posts because I find LS to be a great source of comfort and it's a good distraction. I would try to stop yourself from thinking of things to say to him if and when he comes back...I know, I know...easier said than done! I'm trying to stop doing it too because it's not healthy, and it means that you're not letting go. Maybe at some point we'll both get there...to the point where we can just let it go and make peace with the fact that we will never get answers to any of these questions.
bonehead Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 today is day five of NC. Now I have feelings of anger for being so played. I guess his true colors have come out and he never cared. He is hiding out like a scared puppy. Well I hope he is happy because not only did he lose out on a relationship with me, but also with my family. I wonder if he even thinks he has lost anything. I guess telling him that I would tell his wife if he came near me did the trick. I guess this is the end. If I know this is for the best why do I feel so bad? You feel bad for multiple reasons. One of the biggest reasons NC fails for alot of people is they are not prepared for what they are going to go through. You are going through two very strong emotional responses at the same time. 1) Mourning. You are losing someone that in one way or another has been very important to you. Its almost the same as a death of a close friend. You became close to this person and now that person is out of your life forever. Its very hard to face when it is an actual death, but when its something like this where you see the dead person walking talking but ignoring you it makes it even harder. 2) You are breaking an addiction. The chemicals in the brain are very powerful. The release of endorphins cause a very strong emotional and mental response. You are breaking your endorphin addiction. What causes the biggest problem is is that breaking NC will stop the feelings of withdraw and mourning. So its common to feel an overpowering urge to break NC to releaive the negitive feelings of mourning and withdraw.
addicted2love Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Day four of Nc and would love some words of encouragment. Today is good because I am speding the day with my H. I know mm will stay because I told him if he comes near me I will tell his W. How long do you think that will last and he is he just cooling me down like all the other times. I am trying to think of things to tell if and when he does come back. I was thinking of saying I gave you your time and now I am working on my H , my marriage and my family. Sorry your time has run out. Any thoughts? I'm right there with you FF. This is day 7 of NC for me. You feel so bad because you can't help but remember the good things. The promises that were made, the words that were said. My xMM was a whole lot of words and no action too. Then the flip side of the coin is you go from being sad over those broken promises to being angry...feeling played, used, manipulated and lied to. I'm trying to stay angry it makes it easier to keep the NC going. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my faith in love. The two men in my life that I've ever loved or cared about (my H and my MM) have both disappointed me, let me down, lied to me, broke promises/vows, and hurt me more than I ever thought I could hurt and they both claimed to "love" me. If that's love then I don't need it! Sorry didn't mean to jack your thread just wondering if you've had the same thoughts and feelings.
Author forbidden fruit Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Oh thank god you are back!! It is so good to hear your sound advice. I finally did it and told him I would tell his wife if he came near me. Well that did it and now he is nowhere to be found. He is not stalking me or trying at all. I wish I would of known then what I know now. I am day 6 of NC and he is working 24hrs so today is a piece of cake, and actually so should all the days because I was always so worried of not being strong enough when he came back . Now I see he is not coming back so it is really over!!! I guess the realationship was all in my mind. I am not sure what I feel now except probably regret. Wow and of course it is Valentine's Day. Thanks BH I really needed your words and you came along at just the right time. Happy Valentine's Day!!
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