confusedandempty Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Hey there - We are three best friends and we all grew up together. We are all 24 years old and only one of us has a girlfriend. The post is not about jellousy issues or anything, just giving you details. His girlfriend is 4 months pregnant and she got pregnant only few weeks into the relationship. She doesn't have many friends in the town so she hangs with him all the time, but doesn't wanna hang around us, the other friends. In fact, in 5 months she hasn't made a single attempt in trying to get to know us, her boyfriends best friends of 24 years. They sit around at home and watch movies and sitcoms every night. I know that he isn't completely happy with this. I know he often would like to go out and have a few beers with the guys, but he's afraid to piss of his pregnant girlfriend. I do understand his situation very well ... but it isn't normal to watch movies every night and loose all contact with your best friends. The reason why I'm writing the post is that the other two of us are going on a little trip in two weeks. We are going to Germany for 3 nights (takes 2 hours to get there from where we live). We booked our tickets three weeks ago and asked the other friend if he'd like to come. He said yes that I want's to ... but he can't because of money issues...babies are expensive. Last night we offered to pay the whole trip for him, fares and hotel. We know that we would enjoy the trip better if he would come with us... He said that he really wants to go but now he can't because of his girlfriend. I spoke to her last night, trying to soften her a little bit up. But the answer I got from her was simply: "He can't go". It just really pisses me off that she forbids him to go. Of course I didn't tell her - but it's annoying. Especially because I know that this is going to be her working weekend (she works shifts) and she will be working 3x12 hours shift. So the only time they will be able to see each other will be before 10 in the morning and after 10 in the evening. I just had to get this out of my system. It just bothers me like hell that we can't go all three of us - because she is telling him to stay ... and of course he's not gonna fight about it with his pregnant girlfriend. Do you have any advice for us for the future or just something that we could do. We would enjoy everything a lot better if he'd come with us...
Woggle Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 What is she his mother? He has every right to go and it is none of her business. tell him to grow some balls.
Guest Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Wow, that's jut insanity. I can understand if she just didn't want him to go for one reason or another and therefore chose to bring up the subject with your friend (maybe ASKING him not to go for her own reasons). That, IMO, is not outlandish. However telling him, and you, that he can't go! That's not right. Pregnant and hormonal or not, she should not be able to TELL him what to do. If her wishes happen to influence his decisions, then fine, but it is not her place to tell him what he can or can not do. Sounds like maybe she has some trust issues, and that's why she never lets him leave her sight. I guess going to Germany for 3 nights probably makes her a bit self-conscious and worried (left-out maybe?). Even so, she still has no right to tell him what he can and can not do. Never mind the fact that she gave the same response to you, which would be rather embarrassing for him if he found out, I would think. She sounds like his mother, and you the neighbor boy asking if he's allowed to 'come out and play'. Does your buddy not see a problem with this? has his relationship always been this way?
Author confusedandempty Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 I know where you're going and usually ... he would just dump a chick like this, as would all of my friends. But he likes her and she is carrying his baby and you don't just tell your gf to shut up while pregnant. That's just not how it works, so you need to find the smooth way out...
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 She needs to loosen the leash abit. There's no reason why he can't hang out with you all. But, with that being said, it seems he's scared to talk to her! All I can say is, they better LEARN how to communicate, compromise and be supportive, and understanding of eachother if their relationship is going to work, let alone BOTH of them being parents to a child. Sounds like they both need a couples therapy session or two.
bones Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 That is a difficult situation in deed. I imagine he is feeling fairly responsible for the situation, but let's face it -- it takes two to tango. I think anyone who sits on the couch watching movies and sitcoms every night has other issues. It sounds to me like she is depressed. She lacks a life of her own and therefore wants to limit his. I give him tons of credit for keeping his cool. Therapy can be hard to come by and expensive, but there are many great books out there on relationships and communication. He needs to go to Germany and she needs to let go. Holding on too tight is never the answer to insecurity.
glitzy55 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I don't know maybe I'm missing something here but the girl is how many months pregnant..and this is her bf..what are they supposed to be doing going out clubbing every night? Most people in relationships do enjoy spending time together, wether it be sitting at home wathching movies...which I know is just oh soo wierd lol or going out places together. I do agree that she shouldn't be ordering him around and telling him what he can't and can do but at the same time them being with each other all the time..well that's what some people do when they're in a relationship..
CardPlay3r Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Wow, what a controlling b*tch. She's using the pregnancy to order him around lol Tell him to grow a backbone or she'll control him all his life.
ProudPinoyGal01 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Agree w/ the other posters who say the lady isn't your pal's mommy even if she's the mom of his child. She can't forbid him from seeing his friends. And it sounds like going to Germany for a few days would be a great little vacation -- it's not like he'll be able to do too many of those after their kid is born. But you can't change her mind, you can only influence your friend to stick up for himself and assert his right to see his old friends like any other adult. She doesn't realize it now but once the baby is born, she's going to want as many people on their side to help them out as she can have. Maybe that's a good argument that you can "give" your friend to use w/ her in support of going to Germany.
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