brokenhart2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I texted him on Monday and asked about going out on Saturday (tomorrow)..he seemed excited and said he will call me. Today is Friday and I'm already expecting him not to call. (this is due being treated badly by guys in the past..I'm trying to get past it and not assume every guy in the world is a jerk)... I would like it if he calls tonight. I would even accept it early tomorrow. But what if he waits until say, tomorrow afternoon? We planned on having dinner. Is there a point where it should be too late for me to accept a call and not answer?
against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Girls do the same thing. It seems as if no one has the common courtesy to inform the other party that something has come up, or they just don't want to go out that particular day. Many people will avoid any type of conflict rather than just calling you and giving it to you straight out. Lack of respect for other people is what I would label it. I wouln't worry too much if this guys calls or not. If I were you, I would go ahead and make other plans for that night. I have had girls that would not call to "verify" the date and I usually just blow them off. I'd rather be single that to accept disrespect.
sb129 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Chill chill chill sister... If he hasn't called by sat morning, you call him. Don't sit by the phone all weekend. And if he doesn't want to do anything sat nite, make other plans, and be prepared for the possibility that he might not be interested. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to RELAX. A desperate, needy paraniod woman isn't attractive.
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Chill chill chill sister... If he hasn't called by sat morning, you call him. Don't sit by the phone all weekend. And if he doesn't want to do anything sat nite, make other plans, and be prepared for the possibility that he might not be interested. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to RELAX. A desperate, needy paraniod woman isn't attractive. If he doesn't call by Saturday morning, how bout I DON"T call him and make other plans? Cuz obviously he's not as interested as he's been acting if he doesn't call by tomorrow morning...so why would I call him? To verify he's not interested? I'll just give it until the morning and if nothing I'll give him the old Write Off.
against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Yeah, if you call him and he wasn't planning to go through with it, all you will do is stroke his ego. If he does call, even if it's almost too late, I would listen to what he has to say and go from there. by the way, when was the last time you talked and who initiated it?
sb129 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 If he doesn't call by Saturday morning, how bout I DON"T call him and make other plans? Cuz obviously he's not as interested as he's been acting if he doesn't call by tomorrow morning...so why would I call him? To verify he's not interested? I'll just give it until the morning and if nothing I'll give him the old Write Off. Thats the spirit! Totally agree. Thought from the sound of your OP that you might be sitting by phone, and one way to get over that is to call them to get it out of the way. But you are right. Don't call, and make other plans. If he doesn't call that is.
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Yeah, if you call him and he wasn't planning to go through with it, all you will do is stroke his ego. If he does call, even if it's almost too late, I would listen to what he has to say and go from there. by the way, when was the last time you talked and who initiated it? Yes actually if he calls tomorrow afternoon I will still answer, but if no contact by "dinner" time, I will have other plans made for sure. I texted him Monday night, and said to call me if he'd like to go out Sat. night. He responded quickly and said that sounds good, I will call you. Then he went on to make small chat and even flirted with me; at the end of the conversation he said again that he will call me. But it's Friday and still nothing, this is when I start to wonder if I'll be disappointed yet again. I was surprised at how enthused he seemed about hearing from me, and even about the flirting cuz we haven't even kissed yet. I get the impression he's at least a little into me, but I'm so used to being let down by men (unfortunately) that I try to prepare for the worst. But since I was the initiator, no call from him tomorrow means no more calls from me either!!
konfuzd Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 If you're worried, why not give him a call, and suggest a restaurant, or say, "I was thinking maybe Italian tomorrow night, what do you think?" Or maybe something like, "I have some errands to run before we go out, just wanted to see what time you're thinking for dinner, so I can be sure I'm ready in time" Don't assume he's going to bail because of your previous experiences. Don't put a negative spin on it, don't let him know you're worried that he's going to bail, rather let him know that you've been thinking about it, and aren't putting all the owness on him. You've already stepped up to the plate in initiating the plans, so I think you should continue with that, and keep the ball rolling. Good luck
Art_Critic Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Next time don't text message.. Actually pick up the phone and speak to him.. if you had you would already know if you were going out on saturday. Texting is for people that already know each other and is really an informal way to communicate Resist the urge to text him and call him in the morning
paris38 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 the next time you have only one or two dates with someone, let the guy initiate the dates with you. That way you know that he really wants to go out with you. I know it is instinct to feel that he asked me out, now it's my turn. It doesn't work that way early on in dating. There has to be a little bit of 'chase.' Since you asked him out so early on, that is gone, he already knows you're dying to see him again. I know it's old fashioned....but...it does work to keep them interested. I am currently dating someone and called a few times and noticed that when I did, he wouldn't call or would write a really brief email the next day. I stopped returning calls and emails this week, and this week he has emailed and called a LOT. It got his attention when I stopped showing attention. He asked me out for Friday, even blowing off his nephew's basketball game to see me. Maybe it is not too late with this guy if he does call, but now you know for future reference when you have a new guy on the line.
guin_girl Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Is there a point where it should be too late for me to accept a call and not answer? Well I'm still waiting for my call to confirm our plans for the Super Bowl... ummm that was LAST week... Anyway, I had already made alternate plans because I can't wait around for him to make up his mind. Thank goodness I did, because I still haven't heard from him. If I were you, even if he did finally call, I would tell him that since I hadn't heard back from him that I already made other plans. You do not want to be in a position that he believes that it is acceptable to wait til the last minute. Make him know that you are your own person and that other people want to spend time with you and that he better get you "reserved" ahead of time or he will lose out!!
paris38 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 because then it's like you're teaching the little boy a lesson about calling too late and you'll come off as bitter and kind of anal. Could be he's assuming that you ARE going out tomorrow night and feels it's OK to call on Sat. afternoon. I actually would still leave the evening open, just rent a bunch of DVDs you want and get some good munchies to spend the time alone in case he doesn't call. It actually is kind of fun sometimes to spend a weekend night alone and do what you want. If he does call, go out with him, see how it goes, but definitely do not ask him out again, let him do the pursuing.
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Well in response to what Art critic said, my text message said to call me if he wants to go out; in others words a hint that I want to go out with him, but if he wants the same, than he needs to show it and CALL. I told him to call, and he said he would call, so if he does, I will act as though we have officially switched roles here; leaving him as the pursuer from now on. Maybe my plan won't work, but least I can say I tried! Paris I'm very well aware that guys give attention while they are not getting it...but that's sord of part of my plan here...I gave him attention by asking him out, then we'll go out, then I'll take it all away!!! If he doesn't respond to my sudden absence, well then bye bye!
guin_girl Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 because then it's like you're teaching the little boy a lesson about calling too late and you'll come off as bitter and kind of anal. Could be he's assuming that you ARE going out tomorrow night and feels it's OK to call on Sat. afternoon. I actually would still leave the evening open, just rent a bunch of DVDs you want and get some good munchies to spend the time alone in case he doesn't call. It actually is kind of fun sometimes to spend a weekend night alone and do what you want. If he does call, go out with him, see how it goes, but definitely do not ask him out again, let him do the pursuing. I disagree. She is giving him permission to disrespect her. It is NOT acceptable to wait until the day of. And now you are telling her to stay home by the phone, bad idea.
paris38 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Paris I'm very well aware that guys give attention while they are not getting it...but that's sord of part of my plan here...I gave him attention by asking him out, then we'll go out, then I'll take it all away!!! If he doesn't respond to my sudden absence, well then bye bye! Hate to tell you this, but asking a guy for a 2nd date is not a good plan and possibly you already scared him off, but maybe not. Let's see.
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 because then it's like you're teaching the little boy a lesson about calling too late and you'll come off as bitter and kind of anal. Could be he's assuming that you ARE going out tomorrow night and feels it's OK to call on Sat. afternoon. I actually would still leave the evening open, just rent a bunch of DVDs you want and get some good munchies to spend the time alone in case he doesn't call. It actually is kind of fun sometimes to spend a weekend night alone and do what you want. If he does call, go out with him, see how it goes, but definitely do not ask him out again, let him do the pursuing. I agree Paris; I don't wanna be dumping rules on him when we barely know each other yet; and like you said, if the dinner plans are definite in his mind, he will call for sure weather it's at the last minute or not...if we decide to hang out more, courtsey issues will likely develop later...
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Paris I'm very well aware that guys give attention while they are not getting it...but that's sord of part of my plan here...I gave him attention by asking him out, then we'll go out, then I'll take it all away!!! If he doesn't respond to my sudden absence, well then bye bye! Hate to tell you this, but asking a guy for a 2nd date is not a good plan and possibly you already scared him off, but maybe not. Let's see. Well he certainly didn't act "scared" in fact he acted the opposite of that, and it prompted him to start flirting with me, which I don't think he'd do if he was scared off. He was the one who kept the conversation going longer than I even anticipated. your right we'll see.
paris38 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I disagree. She is giving him permission to disrespect her. It is NOT acceptable to wait until the day of. And now you are telling her to stay home by the phone, bad idea. No, I wasn't telling her to stay by the phone, just something fun to do in case he doesn't come through. It could be that he has been looking forward to tomorrow night allweek, just assuming he is going out with her and to call tomorrow. I think it would be a bit harsh when he calls, enthusiastic about going to dinner with her, and she says "Sorry, you didn't call early enough, I made other plans."
Author brokenhart2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 No, I wasn't telling her to stay by the phone, just something fun to do in case he doesn't come through. It could be that he has been looking forward to tomorrow night allweek, just assuming he is going out with her and to call tomorrow. I think it would be a bit harsh when he calls, enthusiastic about going to dinner with her, and she says "Sorry, you didn't call early enough, I made other plans." Yea, I wouldn't call it "disrespectful" if he waits until tomorrow...if he didn't call at all, then maybe that would be... I wouldn't have a problem staying home cuz I already do a lot of times anyway, so it wouldn't be like waiting by the phone..besides, we all have cell phones now a days, so even if I went out and did something else, techincally I could still be "waiting" for a call!
guin_girl Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 It's not to teach him "a lesson"... but to let him know that she should be treated with respect and consideration. I just don't want her to set a trend of waiting every weekend til the last minute until he calls. It's not fair and to me, it's not respectful. I didn't think I was going to get bashed for wanting her to show that she's worth it. Way too many women roll over just because a man calls... and that's why they think it's ok to not call or wait around until the last minute making us their backup plan. You show people how to treat you and there is nothing wrong with setting those parameters from the beginning. Way too hard to change after the fact.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Well in response to what Art critic said, my text message said to call me if he wants to go out; in others words a hint that I want to go out with him, but if he wants the same, than he needs to show it and CALL. I told him to call, and he said he would call, so if he does, I will act as though we have officially switched roles here; leaving him as the pursuer from now on. Maybe my plan won't work, but least I can say I tried! So basically all you did was tell him you're interested. This is no different than flirting with someone who already has your number. If he wanted to see you, he'd call. He doesn't need you to say "call me if you want to go out" - if he has any amount of common sense, he already knows that. His response was polite, that he'd call you - this directly implies that he will call you IF he wants to go out on Saturday. He didn't call. Interpretation: he either didn't want to go out with you tonight or had already made plans. I don't let anyone other than purely platonic friends ask me out the day of...period. Now, there isn't an update yet re: whether he called. But if he did wait until Saturday, or even Friday, to call for a Saturday night date WHEN YOU HAD TOLD HIM ON MONDAY - FAR IN ADVANCE - TO CALL IF HE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING - to say yes to such a date invitation does nothing more than say, "I waited all week for you to call and saved my Saturday night just for you, either because I'm totally desperate for your attention or because I had nothing better to do." Is that the impression you want to give? NO. If you accept last minute, he'll think it's okay to ASK last minute. He'll assume he doesn't need to put any effort whatsoever into "dating" you because you jump at the chance to see him.
sb129 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Hate to tell you this, but asking a guy for a 2nd date is not a good plan and possibly you already scared him off, but maybe not. Let's see. Why not? I am not into this game playing shall i call/ wait for him to call whatever bollox. If I want a second date, I will ask for one. And if they are scared off- boo hoo to them, they wouldn't be able to handle me. I am a scary woman. (read: strong NOT desparate) Maybe its forward, but thats me. May as well let my real personality come out early. I didn't think I was going to get bashed for wanting her to show that she's worth it. Way too many women roll over just because a man calls... and that's why they think it's ok to not call or wait around until the last minute making us their backup plan. You show people how to treat you and there is nothing wrong with setting those parameters from the beginning. Way too hard to change after the fact. Too right. So basically all you did was tell him you're interested. This is no different than flirting with someone who already has your number. If he wanted to see you, he'd call. He doesn't need you to say "call me if you want to go out" - if he has any amount of common sense, he already knows that. His response was polite, that he'd call you - this directly implies that he will call you IF he wants to go out on Saturday. He didn't call. Interpretation: he either didn't want to go out with you tonight or had already made plans. I don't let anyone other than purely platonic friends ask me out the day of...period. Now, there isn't an update yet re: whether he called. But if he did wait until Saturday, or even Friday, to call for a Saturday night date WHEN YOU HAD TOLD HIM ON MONDAY - FAR IN ADVANCE - TO CALL IF HE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING - to say yes to such a date invitation does nothing more than say, "I waited all week for you to call and saved my Saturday night just for you, either because I'm totally desperate for your attention or because I had nothing better to do." Is that the impression you want to give? NO. If you accept last minute, he'll think it's okay to ASK last minute. He'll assume he doesn't need to put any effort whatsoever into "dating" you because you jump at the chance to see him. Again, I agree. SG- wise words. So- the question is... DID HE CALL??
glitzy55 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 and just call one another these days? Maybe I'm old fashion but when I first meet a guy or am trying to get to know him I would expect he call me directly. Like someone said texting is soo evasive..I mean I only text people when I don't want to talk but need to ask them something, or tell them to call me watever or friends who I already know. Even email..unless you know someone is always gonna check their mail daily you don't know when that person is gonna read the email. IMO I wouldn't initiate plans with a guy in the beginning..if he's interested trust me he will ask you to hang out. Also to just makes plans and then hear nothing the rest of the week? Like not even a call to chat..I dunno.
the_total_package Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 when a guy goes out with you once and he totally likes you and wants to see you again, you know because he is probably asking you out by the end of the first date. yes, it does sound old-fashioned but it's true. Also a guy who is interested does call just because he likes you and wants to talk to you. I agree, a guy who is interested calls....he may ALSO email and text a cute little 'how are you, cutie' or a 'good morning' email but he calls regularly. it is really effortless for the woman if a guy is interested in her, she doesn't even need to call him pretty much. She certainly doesn't need to ask him out because he is calling her to ask her out. and just call one another these days? Maybe I'm old fashion but when I first meet a guy or am trying to get to know him I would expect he call me directly. Like someone said texting is soo evasive..I mean I only text people when I don't want to talk but need to ask them something, or tell them to call me watever or friends who I already know. Even email..unless you know someone is always gonna check their mail daily you don't know when that person is gonna read the email. IMO I wouldn't initiate plans with a guy in the beginning..if he's interested trust me he will ask you to hang out. Also to just makes plans and then hear nothing the rest of the week? Like not even a call to chat..I dunno.
sb129 Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 when a guy goes out with you once and he totally likes you and wants to see you again, you know because he is probably asking you out by the end of the first date. yes, it does sound old-fashioned but it's true. Also a guy who is interested does call just because he likes you and wants to talk to you. I agree, a guy who is interested calls....he may ALSO email and text a cute little 'how are you, cutie' or a 'good morning' email but he calls regularly. it is really effortless for the woman if a guy is interested in her, she doesn't even need to call him pretty much. She certainly doesn't need to ask him out because he is calling her to ask her out. IMO, this is usually true. And because of that, I have always felt confident enough to call them too. The question remains unanswered.... I guess he didn't call.
Recommended Posts