Author against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 re: I suggest the same advice to you, as I gave before: start working on *you*. Once you get enough of that figured out -you are more likely to find that the availability-of-women issue will be much less of a problem. -Rio I have to call BS again! I have worked on improving my life since my late teen's. According to your theory, I should have them lined up and maybe I do, but just not any that I want.
riobikini Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 re: ATW: " Going to a bar makes sense at times. WTF does this have to do with my thread anyway?" Because, in your beginning post, you seemed to be ready and expectant to receive "various answers", when you stated: "I think there are various awnsers to this. " -Rio
IWalkAlone Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 re: The world is chock full of people -not *all* of them "taken", IWA. You are limiting your choices, limiting your resources, and surpressing all your potential, all your possibilities into this tiny corral called "My Poor Self Image". I suggest the same advice to you, as I gave before: start working on *you*. Once you get enough of that figured out -you are more likely to find that the availability-of-women issue will be much less of a problem. -Rio I don't see how I'm limiting my choices. And I don't understand the "working on you" suggestion.
Author against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 I have a good idea what kind of lady I'd like to meet, just as I have a good idea what kind of shoes I like to wear. But unlike with shoes, there is no "girlfriend store" where I can tell the sales clerk what I'm looking for and have one brought out. And when I do find shoes that I like (it usually takes less than 10 minutes), the shoes never say "let's just be friends." Yep, there is no "woman" store... but there is a meat market! But I see what you are saying, there are just so many factors involved in dating. I am a computer programmer (amongst other roles) and I couldn't image developing an algorythm to take into account all of the variables in dating.
Author against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 And I don't understand the "working on you" suggestion. It's a cliche commonly used to console the ingorant. There is a place to use it; however, for someone like me that has a successful career, hobbies and a decent body it does not apply. Of course there is always room for improvement regardless.
riobikini Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I'm feeling a bit like the "Briar Rabbit", here. A little of "RossK" comes to mind. (Smile) I'll say this and be done: if someone goes to a bar, signs up to a dating site, or even sits down at a bingo game -you should be well-informed of what to expect, and ready -and willing- to deal with both the "good" and the "bad" aspects of the kind of environment you've stepped into. Furthermore, you should be well-aware of what you're are made of: what you can handle, what you can't, what you want to walk away with. If you find that the same program you've been using time after time isn't working -and you refuse to look at *why* you just keep getting the same, disappointing results- and continue to run it, anyway -no one feels sad for you, once they understand it's the result of your own choice. If you still are unable to comprehend what I have tried to so clearly state, you will likely remain mired up in the frustration, misery, and foolishness of your present dilema -or is it just a question or complaint seeking no real answer? If you are OK with it, as it is -then the time others have spent posting to you may have been wasted. If you give it more thought, though -it *could* be a significant, pivotal time of change for you. In an attempt to clarify even more, I offer this: there's a *reason* for your complaint -or you wouldn't have posted -you've been given lots of feedback to start looking for the reasons for your unhappiness, or disappointment, or frustration -or whatever it was that inspired you to post. That said... Take care. -Rio
Mythical Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Just moved to Myrtle Beach, a big change from where I used to live in Pennsylvania. Dating still sucks as much though hmm where is Mertle Beach?? Im sorry, I hope thigns shape up for you! How old are you again? You should chnage your profile so you can have private messagaging. I just odn't like to talk a hole lot about myself in threads
Author against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 I'm feeling a bit like the "Briar Rabbit", here. A little of "RossK" comes to mind. (Smile) I'll say this and be done: if someone goes to a bar, signs up to a dating site, or even sits down at a bingo game -you should be well-informed of what to expect, and ready -and willing- to deal with both the "good" and the "bad" aspects of the kind of environment you've stepped into. Furthermore, you should be well-aware of what you're are made of: what you can handle, what you can't, what you want to walk away with. If you find that the same program you've been using time after time isn't working -and you refuse to look at *why* you just keep getting the same, disappointing results- and continue to run it, anyway -no one feels sad for you, once they understand it's the result of your own choice. If you still are unable to comprehend what I have tried to so clearly state, you will likely remain mired up in the frustration, misery, and foolishness of your present dilema -or is it just a question or complaint seeking no real answer? If you are OK with it, as it is -then the time others have spent posting to you may have been wasted. If you give it more thought, though -it *could* be a significant, pivotal time of change for you. In an attempt to clarify even more, I offer this: there's a *reason* for your complaint -or you wouldn't have posted -you've been given lots of feedback to start looking for the reasons for your unhappiness, or disappointment, or frustration -or whatever it was that inspired you to post. That said... Take care. -Rio All I wanted was the opinion of some females. If you want to read more into it, then you go girl.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I understand where you are coming from. Someone being over weight is a tangible thing. I can look and see that they are overweight and know that it is a fact without making any assumptions. On the other hand, your view judges people who elicit specific behavior and places them all into an "undateable" category. A guy / woman that has a night of dancing may just be the perfect person for you and they were just out having fun one night. I didn't say dancing....its the acting like they are f#cking on the dancefloor I wouldn't consider a good quality in a person for dating. Dancing is one thing...acting out a scene from Debbie Does Dallas is another.
Author against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 I didn't say dancing....its the acting like they are f#cking on the dancefloor I wouldn't consider a good quality in a person for dating. Dancing is one thing...acting out a scene from Debbie Does Dallas is another. I see see your point and agree to an extent. If she's my woman and dancing like that with me, everything is fine. But to just pick up some random guy like that seems like bad behavior. Hey, a lot of people get laid after talking for just a few hours, which i find even more disgusting. I have had more aquaintences "try" to start a relationship that way. Guess what? It never lasts. And I have a story that relates to this. I met this girl in a club, she said she was single. We ended up dancing like freaks all night, she practically screwed me with my clothes on. Then at the end of the night she told me that she had a small child and a boyfriend but " I was just what she needed at the time". ROFL!
blind_otter Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I see see your point and agree to an extent. If she's my woman and dancing like that with me, everything is fine. But to just pick up some random guy like that seems like bad behavior. Hey, a lot of people get laid after talking for just a few hours, which i find even more disgusting. I have had more aquaintences "try" to start a relationship that way. Guess what? It never lasts. I dunno bout all that. My exH's parents met and were married within 3 months. They met at a bar, actually. Ironically. Anyways, they're still married 30+ years later.
blind_otter Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Point of order: Isn't is always a better idea to meet potential mates when you aren't under the influence? I'm just saying.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I see see your point and agree to an extent. If she's my woman and dancing like that with me, everything is fine. But to just pick up some random guy like that seems like bad behavior. Hey, a lot of people get laid after talking for just a few hours, which i find even more disgusting. I have had more aquaintences "try" to start a relationship that way. Guess what? It never lasts. And I have a story that relates to this. I met this girl in a club, she said she was single. We ended up dancing like freaks all night, she practically screwed me with my clothes on. Then at the end of the night she told me that she had a small child and a boyfriend but " I was just what she needed at the time". ROFL! Helps prove my point...she was worthless. I broke up with a girl in college I had dated for about 5 or 6 months. She wanted me to go out with her and bring some of my friends to a nightclub. Being the non-dancer that I am, she went out and danced with her friends. No big deal. About 10 minutes into having a beer and shooting the bull with my friends at the bar, one of them turns my head towards the dancefloor, and there was my gf grinding on another guy and acting like she was getting screwed from behind by him. I walked to the floor and said to her, "what the hell do you think you are doing"...the guy backed off and walked away(not as dumb as he looked). As I told her we were through and headed for the door she kept after me insisting it was just dancing. I told her that pretending to be f#cked by another guy is NOT "just dancing" and told her I never wanted to see her again.
Author against_the_wind Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 I walked to the floor and said to her, "what the hell do you think you are doing"...the guy backed off and walked away(not as dumb as he looked). As I told her we were through and headed for the door she kept after me insisting it was just dancing. I told her that pretending to be f#cked by another guy is NOT "just dancing" and told her I never wanted to see her again. Yeah man, women are opportunists. Often, they will do what they can get away with - not what is moral. Of course it's "just dancing to her"...... but how do you think she would feel watching you grind on another chic? Of course there is a double standard, because I am sure she went and told all of her friends that you are posessive. All it really amounts to is the fact that she was being disrespectful to herself and you. Kudos to you for doing what you did, man! More men need to stand up for themselves like this.
SassyNClassy Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 My parents and my best friends parents both met at bars. They're all still married 20+ years later. So, I'm not against meeting guys in bars and actually go out hoping to meet new people. The problem I find is that guys in my city seem to be pussys when it comes to approching women. I get a lot of looks and long stares but rarely does someone come up and introduce themselves to me or buy me a drink. I don't go out in a big group of girls either...maybe one or two of my friends and I'm not glued to their sides all night either. I guess I'm just too intimidating
glitzy55 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I started going out at a very young age and was fully imersed in the club scene for years. I can assure you 90% of the guys at these places are only looking to get laid. If that's what you want then fine but for me since I don't sleep around any hopes of any sort of relationship went down the tube. You meet these guys out while you are partying and what not and alot will assume you are easy...even though that's total b.s. I've stopped going out and am doing the online dating thing. Grocery stores, places like that I really wouldn't want to bothered in.
Pretty Fly Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 My parents and my best friends parents both met at bars. They're all still married 20+ years later. So, I'm not against meeting guys in bars and actually go out hoping to meet new people. The problem I find is that guys in my city seem to be pussys when it comes to approching women. I get a lot of looks and long stares but rarely does someone come up and introduce themselves to me or buy me a drink. I don't go out in a big group of girls either...maybe one or two of my friends and I'm not glued to their sides all night either. I guess I'm just too intimidating Maybe because as previously mentioned in this thread, some girls "play" this situation to get attention and free drinks and it discourages guys from trying? I know somethimes that thought puts me off a bit. I was out last Friday and randomly got chatting to a girl who was in a bar with her (very attractive) friend and her friend was complaining that since she'd been in the UK (she was from Russia), hardly any guys chat to her. And her friend was telling her that she appeared "too aloof". That is, she had an air about her that was somehow saying "don't bother me". So I don't know if girls realise that they are giving this sign off sometimes. Or is it some sort of test the guy has to overcome?
Guest Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I haven't gone to any bars since I was 23 (I'm 39 now), because the bars in Los Angeles can be divided into 2 types: 1) bars where college kids come to hang out, and if you're not a student when you walk into one of these places, then you can expect to be treated very rudely. Don't even THINK of trying to hit on the women in these places, because everyone will avoid the non-student like he was a plague. 2) the second type of bar is for what the college crowd refers to as "community people" (usually, students will refer to such people with about the same level of contempt that the Californian employers referred to "Okies" in the Grapes of Wrath). When you go into one of these places, you find that everyone is around retirement age, and is just there to drink... not the ideal place to look for a twentysomething hottie to hit on. It was very easy for me to give up on the bar scene!
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