The bar stigma?

[against_the_wind]

I have read a few recent posts here that reference women and the bar scene and it has sparked some interest in my mind. There are a few topics that come to my mind when I think of women and the bar scene.

 

1) I have been told by different women that they would not date someone they met in a bar. Do many women think this way?

 

Why? How is meeting someone in a bar that much different than meeting someone at work or wherever? I have met terrible dates in college, at work and at bars. My perception is that you have just of much of a chance meeting a loser in a bar as anywhere else. I think it is logical to consider anyone you are attracted to, regardless of where you meet.

 

2) Why do single women seldom go out to a bar by themsleves? Are women that self concious not to branch out on their own?

 

Everytime I go to a bar, there are always at least 4 or 5 dudes there by themselves. I go out by myself when I can. I often have the most fun meeting new people when I am by myself. When I see an attractive woman, she is usually with a group of friends or waiting on someone to meet up with her. There's nothing wrong with going to a bar by yourself, at least in my mind. In fact, sometinmes I prefer it.

 

3) Why do women at bars give me their numbers, only to never return a phone call? What is the point?

 

I think there are various awnsers to this. I have had at least 3 or 4 girls give me thier number recently, but they will not return call. Sure maybe they have a boyfriend, but why is it so difficult just to say that? I'm not that fragile and I would prefer the truth. This behavior speaks badly of women in my opinion.

 

Funny story - I recently had a girl give me her # while her boyfriend was in the back shooting pool! WTF?!

[brokenhart2007]

...those girls giving you their number, where any of them intoxicated? That can make all the difference in the world. The ones with boyfriends, are either trying to make him jealous, or getting attention from you that he is lacking in giving them. If they don't have a boyfriend and don't return your calls, they were either too drunk and don't remember you, or there's another reason why they don't want to talk to you...which no one can know...

 

When we say not to date someone you meet in a bar (which still happends ALL the time anyway) ; I think it's because sooo many women can say they've dated a guy they met in a bar, and he turned out to be a jerk...or a stalker...but no in between. Not to say this can't happen with a guy you meet at the grocery store; but you get it.

[against_the_wind]

...those girls giving you their number, where any of them intoxicated?

 

Not the ones recently.

 

and he turned out to be a jerk...or a stalker...but no in between. Not to say this can't happen with a guy you meet at the grocery store; but you get it.

 

So once again how is a bar different? If you meet a jerk in college, would you not date any more guys from college?

 

There's no greater percentage of jerks in bars.

 

And stalker..... that's a term women use very loosely, but that it another topic. In reality, I don't know any guys who would actually have the time or patience to stalk someone. Not to say that it doesn't happen, but not as ofthen as a girl would lead you to believe.

[against_the_wind]

or there's another reason why they don't want to talk to you...which no one can know...

 

I speculate and say that they already got what they wanted, which was free alcohol at the time.

[laRubiaBonita]

the only "stigma" i could see is the alcohol factor, as it can hinder some people.

 

i go to one particular bar alot, i know most the other regulars, who are mostly men... but i get along great with these men, they are very appriciative of my female presence, but not in a crude way.... and they are all at least 10 years older than me and they look out for me.

 

IME... it is easier to find someone more decent if you are in a place that is familiar and you are comfortable being yourself.

 

i personally would feel awkward if some guy tried something in a grocery store......

[riobikini]

re:

 

ATW: " This behavior speaks badly of women in my opinion. "

 

(Regarding the "not-taking-your-call" issue and women who go to bars alone.)

 

Look -it's like I said in another post a few seconds ago: I, personally, don't see any real "wrongdoing", or "danger" with a female going to a bar alone -but you have to accept that you're dealing with a widespread pre-concieved belief of general society and this sometimes-true, sometimes-false idea of a stereotype, here, in regards to what has been perpetuated by spectators for eons of time in history about "type" of woman it takes to enter a bar alone, sit down and have a drink all by herself.

 

And that's what is being fought, here: the pre-conceived idea of what "type" of woman she might be.

 

Wish it could change overnight -but with some females actually assisting the gowth of that bacteria-infected stereotype -promoting it- perhaps, like the ones you mentioned that gave you phone numbers, warmed up to you under the influence of alcohol, and then shunned you like the plague, it's kind of a tough topic to defend, when a few non-assuming ladies enter a bar just to relax, converse, and *go home* afterwards.

 

Use a few grains of common sense -understand, first, you *all* are drinking, for God's sake!

 

And -tips for starters- don't walk in with wolf-breath, a dozen cell-phone numbers of past "hook-ups" already logged in on your phone, and the false confidence of your running buddies, or other's borrowed pick-up lines.

 

Be *yourself* -be true to you, use your intelligence, and I think you'll fare much better.

 

-Rio

[Mythical]

I have read a few recent posts here that reference women and the bar scene and it has sparked some interest in my mind. There are a few topics that come to my mind when I think of women and the bar scene.

 

1) I have been told by different women that they would not date someone they met in a bar. Do many women think this way?

 

I would date someone I met in a bar, I mean im going to the bar so why is the person at the bar bad?! i never understood that either!

 

Why? How is meeting someone in a bar that much different than meeting someone at work or wherever? I have met terrible dates in college, at work and at bars. My perception is that you have just of much of a chance meeting a loser in a bar as anywhere else. I think it is logical to consider anyone you are attracted to, regardless of where you meet.

 

Totally agree

 

2) Why do single women seldom go out to a bar by themsleves? Are women that self concious not to branch out on their own?

 

I have gone to a lounge by myself multiple times. Im only 20 and I have hade a b/f for years but I defiently go to lounges by myself while im waiting for someone, stopping by after work or lunch etc...

 

Everytime I go to a bar, there are always at least 4 or 5 dudes there by themselves. I go out by myself when I can. I often have the most fun meeting new people when I am by myself. When I see an attractive woman, she is usually with a group of friends or waiting on someone to meet up with her. There's nothing wrong with going to a bar by yourself, at least in my mind. In fact, sometinmes I prefer it.

 

I would actually be tempted to talk to a guy that was at the abr by himself.

 

3) Why do women at bars give me their numbers, only to never return a phone call? What is the point?

 

Drunk, rude, attention ..they have a b/f

 

I think there are various awnsers to this. I have had at least 3 or 4 girls give me thier number recently, but they will not return call. Sure maybe they have a boyfriend, but why is it so difficult just to say that? I'm not that fragile and I would prefer the truth. This behavior speaks badly of women in my opinion.

 

Funny story - I recently had a girl give me her # while her boyfriend was in the back shooting pool! WTF?!

 

Thats terrible! I don't understand people what did she get a trhill out of it...pethetic...prob revenge or something immature like that

[guin_girl]

1) I have been told by different women that they would not date someone they met in a bar. Do many women think this way?

 

I have dated guys from the bars, but after knowing them at the bar for a while first. I need to see how they are, watching them, are they just trolling or true.

 

2) Why do single women seldom go out to a bar by themsleves? Are women that self concious not to branch out on their own?

 

I always go to the bar by myself. But sports bars, where the point of my going is to watch sports, not meet guys. As a sports chick, I do end up with guys talking to me about the game... they have an "easy" opening line.

 

3) Why do women at bars give me their numbers, only to never return a phone call? What is the point?

 

Well maybe they saw something that unattracted them after giving you their number. Some guys troll picking up as many numbers as they can (not saying you were) and they see that and aren't interested. Maybe you talked to someone that they know that they don't like. If they are bar regulars and you aren't that can have an impact on their decision. Or they were too drunk to remember who you are... sad but true for some girls.

[Meggedy]

As far as a stigma, I don't see it. I have dated men I met in bars and it was okay.

 

As far as not calling, they were most likely intoxicated (even if they didn't appear intoxicated), out for a night of "freedom," or just not interested once they woke up (which doesn't have anything to do with you).

 

But I do have to respond to the whole question of going to bars alone. A man can go to a bar alone and not be harassed all night long. A woman alone in a bar is like a target. Every time I have been alone in a bar (waiting for friends, etc.) I have been hit on (many times in an offensive way, and I'm pretty hard to offend). Or men just assume that since you're alone, you must automatically be looking for company.

 

Here's an example: On a recent business trip, I took myself out to dinner as I was alone in a strange city. I was at a fancy-shmancy restaurant (gotta love those expense accounts) where I wouldn't expect any unwanted attention. Furthermore, I was obviously working at my table. The waiter came over and said that a man at the bar wanted to buy me a drink. I explained that I was working (I really had to get it done), waved nicely at the man, but declined the drink. He continued to harass the waiter, and eventually me, until the restaurant staff had to ask him to leave. It scared the crap out of me. This is one of many examples. That's why we don't go out alone if we can help it.

[brokenhart2007]

I met a guy at a bar one night, went out on one date but decided I wasn't really interested after that. He stalked me for a year. Left notes on my door, knocked on bedroom window at 2am, and that's not all.

 

From what most women experience and see with their own eyes, Men have made a name for themselves as only going to bars to get laid, not to seek out relationships. Women are different (well most are), they usually hope to date the guy they meet and like. Sorry but that's the way it is.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Meggedy: " Here's an example: On a recent business trip, I took myself out to dinner as I was alone in a strange city. I was at a fancy-shmancy restaurant (gotta love those expense accounts) where I wouldn't expect any unwanted attention. Furthermore, I was obviously working at my table. The waiter came over and said that a man at the bar wanted to buy me a drink. I explained that I was working (I really had to get it done), waved nicely at the man, but declined the drink. He continued to harass the waiter, and eventually me, until the restaurant staff had to ask him to leave. It scared the crap out of me. This is one of many examples. That's why we don't go out alone if we can help it."

 

Great example.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[blind_otter]

Alcoholics hang out at bars. A lot more than anywhere else, I'd say, being a recovering alcoholic myself. There are just a lot more losers and jerks at bars, more than anywhere else for some reason. Maybe they are all getting drunk for a reason.

[Salicious Crumb]

If I go to a bar, its to watch a football game with my friends and have a few beers.

 

If I were single, I wouldn't consider dating anyone that is a bar-hopper. Maybe not so much that as a girl that goes to nightclubs and likes to dirty dance. I don't date dirty dancers...they aren't trustworthy.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Blind_Otter: " There are just a lot more losers and jerks at bars, more than anywhere else for some reason."

 

'Nother good point.

 

-Rio

[against_the_wind]

If I were single, I wouldn't consider dating anyone that is a bar-hopper. Maybe not so much that as a girl that goes to nightclubs and likes to dirty dance. I don't date dirty dancers...they aren't trustworthy.

 

This comment seems stereotypical and foolish to me.

 

Who defines what a bar hopper is? And if you won't date a bar-hopper who else won't you date? Does it end somewhere?

[against_the_wind]

As far as a stigma, I don't see it. I have dated men I met in bars and it was okay.

 

As far as not calling, they were most likely intoxicated (even if they didn't appear intoxicated), out for a night of "freedom," or just not interested once they woke up (which doesn't have anything to do with you).

 

But I do have to respond to the whole question of going to bars alone. A man can go to a bar alone and not be harassed all night long. A woman alone in a bar is like a target. Every time I have been alone in a bar (waiting for friends, etc.) I have been hit on (many times in an offensive way, and I'm pretty hard to offend). Or men just assume that since you're alone, you must automatically be looking for company.

 

Here's an example: On a recent business trip, I took myself out to dinner as I was alone in a strange city. I was at a fancy-shmancy restaurant (gotta love those expense accounts) where I wouldn't expect any unwanted attention. Furthermore, I was obviously working at my table. The waiter came over and said that a man at the bar wanted to buy me a drink. I explained that I was working (I really had to get it done), waved nicely at the man, but declined the drink. He continued to harass the waiter, and eventually me, until the restaurant staff had to ask him to leave. It scared the crap out of me. This is one of many examples. That's why we don't go out alone if we can help it.

 

So that's one bad experience and I am sorry for you. Women do the same thing!

 

According to this logic, you should never go anywhere alone.

[Salicious Crumb]

This comment seems stereotypical and foolish to me.

 

Call me crazy, but anyone that likes to simulate sex on the dancefloor is not my idea of trustworthy.

 

 

Who defines what a bar hopper is? And if you won't date a bar-hopper who else won't you date? Does it end somewhere?

Like I said..not so much a bar-hopper as a clubber that likes to pretend she is being screwed from behind on the dancefloor.

 

And yes, I won't date them. Its a standard...people have them.

 

Its just like you probably wouldn't date a guy/girl(sorry..couldn't tell if you are a M/W) that is 50lbs overweight....where does it end?

[against_the_wind]

Thats terrible! I don't understand people what did she get a trhill out of it...pethetic...prob revenge or something immature like that

 

OMG you are so fine! Bartender..... give the lady another round of what she's drinking!

[against_the_wind]

Its just like you probably wouldn't date a guy/girl(sorry..couldn't tell if you are a M/W) that is 50lbs overweight....where does it end?

 

I understand where you are coming from.

 

Someone being over weight is a tangible thing. I can look and see that they are overweight and know that it is a fact without making any assumptions.

 

On the other hand, your view judges people who elicit specific behavior and places them all into an "undateable" category. A guy / woman that has a night of dancing may just be the perfect person for you and they were just out having fun one night.

[IWalkAlone]

I met a guy at a bar one night, went out on one date but decided I wasn't really interested after that. He stalked me for a year. Left notes on my door, knocked on bedroom window at 2am, and that's not all.

 

From what most women experience and see with their own eyes, Men have made a name for themselves as only going to bars to get laid, not to seek out relationships. Women are different (well most are), they usually hope to date the guy they meet and like. Sorry but that's the way it is.

 

I'm offended at your sweeping generaization. I'd like to be in a relationship, and I've tried to meet women in bars because that's were women ARE. They don't come knocking at my door.

[riobikini]

re:

 

IWA: " I've tried to meet women in bars because that's were women ARE."

 

I'm a woman.

 

And it's been nearly *two years* since I last sat in a bar.

 

-Rio

[against_the_wind]

... and they are all at least 10 years older than me and they look out for me.

 

 

This statement gives fact to one of my points.

 

Why do you feel that you need someone to look out for you?

 

What is it about your own judgement or behavior that you don't trust?

[against_the_wind]

re:

 

I'm a woman.

 

And it's been nearly *two years* since I last sat in a bar.

 

-Rio

 

 

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Mythical]

OMG you are so fine! Bartender..... give the lady another round of what she's drinking!

 

 

lol good boy,

[riobikini]

I *do* trust *my own* judgment.

 

My judgement is: I can live just fine without having to enter a bar.

 

I'm also OK with the "Z" effect (Smile) -it simply means that my life isn't racked with wondering *why* I didn't get a return call.

 

-Rio