meisje Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 i'm dating a new guy and i really like him, but i'm afraid he's on the rebound. i haven't brought it up yet with him because i didn't want to create any unneccessary tension if it didn't bother me too much. but yesteday he excused himself from the pub because he had to go "do some stuff before work"... and then about 20 minutes later i walked over to the other pub nearby to visit a friend and he was there, with his ex. it upset me, but not a lot because he didn't really LIE to me, but he wasn't really FORWARD with me either.... not that he needs to be, because we're not even "together" yet. and therefore it's not really any of my business who he's hanging out with or why. so i guess i'm just asking for opinions on the best way to bring up my concerns and find out where i stand/his intent.... without causing too much weird tension.
nicki Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Um, yeah, he DID lie to you....unless he was walking to go do his work stuff, unexpectedly ran into his ex and THEN decided to go grab a drink with her..... Otherwise, the whole "work stuff" was an excuse. Maybe he's not done with the ex yet, maybe it was an accidental meeting. I'd ask him about it. Simply tell him what you observed, as in: "After we said goodbye last night at the pub, because you said you had work to do, I saw you in another pub with your ex." Then sit back, be silent and see what his reaction is. If he wants to be with you, he will quickly explain and want to ease your mind. If he isn't finished with the ex yet, then his actions will be to protect THAT relationship, at your expense. Ask him gently if there are any residual feelings for his ex. Tell him you understand if there are, it happens. It's just that you prefer to date men who are completely open and available, and over their exes. (Most women do!) Tell him you wouldn't want to interfere with them if there is a possibility of them getting back together. Keep it short, casual and then move on to another topic. He will get the point and you will have laid an important boundary -- that you expect honesty. After all, you don't need to be in a "relationship" to have honesty. I pretty much expect it from all my friends and close business partners. No matter what he says, I would watch this situation carefully...Have fun with him, though....continue on. Be open, yet skeptical when starting a new relationship. Tricky, but essential to see the real picture.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 i agree with nicki..in my experience it has been a horrible idea to get involved with guys who have just broken up with gfs. my ex bf was totally hung up on his ex when i went out with him. and the situation was horrible because he dumped me when she wanted him back. how long ago did he break with her? who broke up with who? not that any of that matters, but if he was having drinks with her than they must still have some contact. dont go out with someone who is in love with someone else, it sucks! i agree that u should GENTLY talk to him about it. be careful, dont be accusatory or mean. but yeah he did lie to u and thats not cool, even if u arent bf/gf yet. just proceed with caution because getting involved with guys on the rebound always (well almost always) turns into a messy situation.
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