noforgiveness Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 anyone sometimes feel like they are taking part in a college students psychology experiment by contributing here? It gets deeper and deeper with more and more problems and the protagonist just keeps going and the antagonist just keep responding and on and on and on.
Jinxx Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 anyone sometimes feel like they are taking part in a college students psychology experiment by contributing here? It gets deeper and deeper with more and more problems and the protagonist just keeps going and the antagonist just keep responding and on and on and on. No I don't. Every situtation is different. But no, I'm just here for support and to read about OP in similar situations such as mine.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Forums are a rather voyeuristic sort of thing. It is fascinating to read some of this stuff. Some real, some embellished, some outrageous fakes, others clever fiction - whatever the case, it is interesting to read up on the POVs of the sort of people who pursue and maintain "relationships" with otherwise committed people, and see how others respond to what they write. I mean, really - where else can you shout out to the rooftops that you love being with/sleeping with/having a relationship with someone who is married/in a relationship with someone else? Generally IRL that sort of thing is hidden carefully, and has no real outlet. I guess this board, among countless others is where you get to see the OW's unfiltered reality. I suspect that is why you never see an OW back down - she stands up for herself here, because she can. Can she do that IRL? Doubt it. Or at the very least, its a great deal more of an uphill battle. Very few people are accepting or understanding of an OW's relationship with a married man. At least on an anonymous board, they can find some semblance of support and understanding from other OW. So... experiment? I suppose it can be said to be like that. I think of it more along the lines of watching specimens in a jar. Its interesting to see where conversations go depending on what you write in reply to some of this stuff.
frannie Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I guess this board, among countless others is where you get to see the OW's unfiltered reality. I suspect that is why you never see an OW back down - she stands up for herself here, because she can. Can she do that IRL? Doubt it. Or at the very least, its a great deal more of an uphill battle. Very few people are accepting or understanding of an OW's relationship with a married man. You don't get to see the 'unfiltered reality' of the OW situation anywhere online. And most certainly not on this forum. I'm not criticising the place, because it can be very helpful in some ways. But most of the 'standing up for yourself' you see here is, to my way of thinking, bravado brought on by being constantly criticised. I'm not even saying the criticism is wrong (or even unhelpful). I just wanted to point out that it does end up skewing what people will write. I, for one, don't write about all my feelings and challenges here. And contrary to what you said, I do get a lot of support from my friends who know both me and MM. They can see what kind of people we are, they know us. They don't look at the situation as a MM and an OW and an A, and what are the moral rights and wrongs of it all. Because to them we're people making mistakes and doing the wrong and the right thing on a day to day basis. Friends who know, and love you, and see the good in you and want the best for you do support you in what you need to do (or what you can do), and they're there, with love, when it goes wrong. That's if you've chosen your friends wisely. That's something you also don't get on this forum, neither can you, really. It's a public forum, and not only that, it's a place where people post for their own reasons... whether to help others, or justify themselves, or whatever they're doing. They're not here 'just because'... And again, I'm not criticising it or saying it should (or could) be any different. Just pointing out what I think, and what is the reality for me in my life. I'd say the same thing about OW only forums. They offer another kind of environment in which other limitations apply, but I'll not get into all that here and now.
lindya Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I don't know about an experiment - I'm more inclined to agree with LB's perception that people give out their unedited thoughts and emotions in a forum like this, and yes that is fascinating. When people get into endless circular arguments, they're effectively laying out their personal issues for others' to view. They'll often get so caught up in emotion, hostility and exchanging jibes that they don't realise how much of their private weaknesses and insecurities they're giving away to the very people they should least want to reveal those insecurities to (ie people who are interested in making them look foolish). In a horrible sense, LS can provide cautionary lessons in how to lose/look ridiculous and petty in an argument. I find myself reading some posts, and thinking "Jesus, do I ever expressed myself like that? Yes I believe I sometimes do....uh oh." In that sense, it's pretty educational
puddleofmud Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I would not consider one's private thoughts something to "toy", nor a means to entertain my sorry little self...and find it odd or even a bit sick if anyone else would. No, I do not feel like part of an "experiment" via the internet any more than I would in actual beyond "net" life. The internet is just one tool given us, so why single that? This IS a part of someone's life if they so choose to use it as a tool for whatever their needs. It is just another "social" setting as far as I am concerned, though I am sure some use it more to their advantage then other forms of social contact. Yet, one can also be just as anonymous via the phone, a letter or even face to face...guess it depends on one's integrity on all accounts! I can find as much fascination reading a book written two hundred years ago as I do in this forum because human life with all its frailty is fascinating and quite wonderful!
Audero Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 As one who has had their forum posts used to beat them up, no, I still don't feel it is an experiment. I think it just a way to connect with other people who have been through some of the same situations as we have, and try to find some advice, support, and encouragement. There are those who use it to make fun, and do cyber attacks. The bennies of a place like this far outweigh the drawbacks.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 anyone sometimes feel like they are taking part in a college students psychology experiment by contributing here? It gets deeper and deeper with more and more problems and the protagonist just keeps going and the antagonist just keep responding and on and on and on. You know, thats a good point....I just can't believe alot of these stories are real. I didn't know there were so many worthless people out there if all of these posts are true.
puddleofmud Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 You know, thats a good point....I just can't believe alot of these stories are real. I didn't know there were so many worthless people out there if all of these posts are true. SC: since when and by what criteria are we to decide whom is "worthless"?
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 You know, thats a good point....I just can't believe alot of these stories are real. I'll tell you one thing, it's not an experiment but that mushroom chick is yanking some serious chain. I went back and read her little fairytale, and it has more holes in it than swiss cheese. 500K a month in child support? Who gets that, even if they are pregnant by a "billionaire". Oh and she wants people to believe that a good-looking, brilliant, in shape, charismatic billionaire needs to advertise for women on dating sites? Oh and lets not forget that he is the "most magnificant lover". Laying it on a little thick there, aren't you Bella? And then he's too stupid to protect against a pregnancy? Please, she must be ingesting those mushrooms. It's too bad some people wasted their time giving her serious, lengthy answers, she must be quite amused.
erika2610 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 You know, thats a good point....I just can't believe alot of these stories are real. I didn't know there were so many worthless people out there if all of these posts are true. That's enough. That was totally uncalled for. These "worthless" people are still people with feelings, like you. These stories are real, and if you don't like what you're reading, then stop. Does it make you feel better to call people worthless? Yes, affairs suck.. but people in them are going through a hard enough time without having to deal with people spewing crap like that at them. Are you in this forum just to trash people, or did you come here to try and actually learn something? I know your pain is still raw, but that really doesn't give you the right to put other people down so harshly.
puddleofmud Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I'll tell you one thing, it's not an experiment but that mushroom chick is yanking some serious chain. I went back and read her little fairytale, and it has more holes in it than swiss cheese. 500K a month in child support? Who gets that, even if they are pregnant by a "billionaire". Oh and she wants people to believe that a good-looking, brilliant, in shape, charismatic billionaire needs to advertise for women on dating sites? Oh and lets not forget that he is the "most magnificant lover". Laying it on a little thick there, aren't you Bella? And then he's too stupid to protect against a pregnancy? Please, she must be ingesting those mushrooms. It's too bad some people wasted their time giving her serious, lengthy answers, she must be quite amused. Funny how one would know all about 'shrooms? Maybe one is "tripping" over one's own feet as we speak....
herenow Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I don't know about the experiment part, but it does seem like I'm back in school. There have been so many posts here that are meant to pit OW and BW against each other. I feel like I'm in a high school cafeteria sitting with my clique and the OW are at the next table telling us that we don't belong. I don't believe that everything here is a true story. The stories that evolved as the days go by, like bellababy whatever, seem to be totally made up. Such a shame too, she is a good writer. She could put that skill to use. I have to say that the BW here, for the most part are very consistent in their stories and how they feel. There are a few OW that have also been very honest about their situation. I just think that there have been more posters recently that are using this board for entertainment and that is a waste of everyones time. If the OW are not posting here anymore because they don't like what we say or how we say it, then I can't imagine this is going to get any better. I guess I have been wrong all along to think that the other point of view is helpful in answering questions. When I first came here, I got answers from OW. I certainly didn't like what they had to say and in some cases they were very vulgar, but I'm here asking and I didn't expect that I would like the answers. I guess it doesn't work the other way around.
Meaplus3 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 No I don't. Every situtation is different. But no, I'm just here for support and to read about OP in similar situations such as mine. Well said Jinxx. I'd like to add that I feel it seems like most people are here to lean on other's for support and understanding. I would find it very hard to believe that any one would come here to make up stories. The situation's I have read seem very real AP:)
herenow Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I just wanted to add that there have been a few OW that I find to be wonderful people and have helped me tremendously. I didn't want anyone to think I was referring to all of the OW on this board. But, for the most part, I was ignored or told that it wasn't the OW problem and I should look at my own problems. As much as I think it's true that you have to look at yourself if you want to understand, comments like that are no different than anything the BW has said to the OW.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I think that we are all human...we find ourselves at odds with people during our lives...this forum is a mirror of that... There are those on both sides of the issue who give invaluable advice, support, encouragement and understanding...but there are also those here who just want to hurt someone because they are hurting...just look at some of the threads... You just have to take what you need and ignore what you don't...OW and BS have alot of insight to give to one another, it's just actually getting to it...
Salicious Crumb Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 SC: since when and by what criteria are we to decide whom is "worthless"? Easy...when someone betrays another with no guilt as to the lives they are destroying with their "its all about me" attitude....that is truly worthless... Or would pathetic be more appropriate?
Salicious Crumb Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 That's enough. That was totally uncalled for. These "worthless" people are still people with feelings, like you. On the contrary, it is absolutely called for. You have cheaters out there and their OW/OM that feel a sense of entitlement and are always asking for advice on how to further their adulterous relationships. Translation: they want advice on how to further destroy families and sleep with other MM/MW. So to build things or to fix things has value...to destroy is "worthless". Does it make you feel better to call people worthless? Yes, affairs suck.. but people in them are going through a hard enough time without having to deal with people spewing crap like that at them. Bullsh!it and onions. All they want to hear is some sugarcoated crap that makes them feel better about hurting other people. And the sad thing is...the people in their same situation encourage it. Its like they could care less of the other people they are hurting...their own spouses..the MM/MW spouses...and especially...the children involved. It pisses me off to know that the people in these situations are so god damned selfish that they don't care that kids are losing their families. Are you in this forum just to trash people, or did you come here to try and actually learn something? Oh I'm learning alot...I am learning alot about the minds of cheaters and the people that are accomplices to the fact. Its very enlightening. And yes...it pisses me off that there are people like that out there. I know your pain is still raw, but that really doesn't give you the right to put other people down so harshly. Gee you are right....its much better to destroy a child's life and sleep with other people's spouses than to put the truth in a harsh way. Phffft.
erika2610 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 On the contrary, it is absolutely called for. You have cheaters out there and their OW/OM that feel a sense of entitlement and are always asking for advice on how to further their adulterous relationships. Translation: they want advice on how to further destroy families and sleep with other MM/MW. So to build things or to fix things has value...to destroy is "worthless". Bullsh!it and onions. All they want to hear is some sugarcoated crap that makes them feel better about hurting other people. And the sad thing is...the people in their same situation encourage it. Its like they could care less of the other people they are hurting...their own spouses..the MM/MW spouses...and especially...the children involved. It pisses me off to know that the people in these situations are so god damned selfish that they don't care that kids are losing their families. Oh I'm learning alot...I am learning alot about the minds of cheaters and the people that are accomplices to the fact. Its very enlightening. And yes...it pisses me off that there are people like that out there. Gee you are right....its much better to destroy a child's life and sleep with other people's spouses than to put the truth in a harsh way. Phffft. You obviously must be reading a different forum than I. I have read very few threads from people asking how to keep their affair going. On the contrary, I have seen a good percentage of these threads where OW/OM ask for advice on how to establish NC, etc. Not everybody wants to hear "sugarcoated" crap, but on the other hand, most people don't like to be told how they are worthless, crappy people. And nobody is encouraging affairs. Alot of the ex-OW, and people who don't cheat, and haven't been cheated on, try to DIScourage them. How do you think being nasty and throwing around insults is helping anybody or yourself? All it does is make people reply back with nasty or sarcastic comments. It's not help and it's not advice what you give out. To me, it seems like you're coming here just to vent your frustrations out on OW. That doesn't solve anything.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Or would pathetic be more appropriate? Pathetic is when someone has nothing better to do than hurl insults at strangers instead of working on their own issues...
WilliR Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 "I think of it more along the lines of watching specimens in a jar. Its interesting to see where conversations go depending on what you write in reply to some of this stuff." I wouldn't think of it as specimens in a jar. You could do a similar "experiment" by walking up to a group of George Bush fans and telling them Hillary Clinton is going to be the next president and measure their reactions in reply to your comment. But it is possible to provoke any gathering of people, whether online or in real life. I think of LS as a place where anonymity gives people the chance to be more honest than they would be if we were talking face to face. So I consider their responses a bit more accurate when the threat of personal shame or infamy has been removed. Where else can people openly and honestly talk about abortions and what porn means to them and their relationship? Or express all of the most bitter, hateful thoughts that we keep locked away IRL, but experience nonetheless? Sadly, the anonymity seems to have allowed a few to exaggerate the details to an extent that is simply unbelivable. But who cares. Real life is already so full of tragedy, disappointment, and misunderstandings - and this forum provides one place where you might find enlightenment or at least several valid honest second opinions. Its priceless. My posts have always been genuine and usually regarding something that is disturbing me or of personal interest that I wanted to hear other people's opinions and insights on. I have been truly inspired by others' approaches to problems that I would have found insurmountable on my own. And I've found that I tend to make things more serious in my own mind than the average person which has been a great relief, to know I can let go a bit and still be okay. I've also been fairly shocked by the vehemence and anger displayed by some, the absolute lack of common sense by others, people who I imagine in real life are frustrated and at their wits end, and it shows in their writing. So its an accurate slice of humanity with all its humor, inspiration, confusion and shortcomings.
Izzar Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 WOW. This is crazy. I was bored & went for a cruise thru the threads. Wild stuff I must say.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 SC: since when and by what criteria are we to decide whom is "worthless"? hmmm...well..I'd say someone that is so selfish as to not give a rat's ass who they hurt....I'd say that's pretty worthless.
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