I'm sort of dating 2 guys...one is kind of a backup guy if the one I really like

[paris38]

doesn't work out. Anyway, backup guy ALWAYS emails, never calls. Even when he asks me out, it's always by email. What's the deal? because guy I really like emails AND calls at least once a day.

Is backup guy not as interested? I'm kinda gonna play with him because I have a date with guy I like best on Friday, and backup guy asked me out for Saturday via email, but I'm not going to respond. Also, I had a job interview today and guy I like better called on the way to interview AND called after I got home to see how it went, backup guy only emailed.

What is up with only emailing? I'm totally calling his bluff, backup guy has written like 3 emails asking how the interview went and asking me out. Well...he can email until he gets corporal tunnel and use those digits to pick up the phone (like the guy #1 does.) Not necessarily looking for advice, just using this board as a sort of catharctic dating journal.

[Lauriebell82]

what are u doing? ok i just responded to ur other thread about the guy u wanted to fall in love with u because u are interviewing out of state. u have another guy lined up???? u said u want this other dude to fall in love with u but u have a backup. u are totally confusing urself for no reason.

 

do not have a backup guy, thats kind of stupid. it sounds like u just dont want to be alone, i know the feeling its hard, but honestly u need to chill a little bit. just keep dating this guy that "u like best" and forget the other one. SLOW DOWN or ur going to drive urself nuts. u dont need all these guys lined up, especially since ur trying to get a job out of the state!!!!!

[paris38]

you're right. I will not waste anymore time with backup guy. I kind of feel really ambivalent, he is sort of a guy to see if I don't have better plans. Even if guy I really like now doesn't pan out, I'll still probably get a job in another state and that will be exciting in and of itself. (basically because I kinda want to leave the state I'm in, but if I were married to a millionaire (who I was in love with if that happens), I could be happy in this state.

You put everything into perspective, thanks, Lauribel, you have lots of wisdom to offer!!!

[Star Gazer]

Honestly, at this point I think you're just completely wasting our time.

[Lauriebell82]

aww come on stargazer give her a little bit of a break. i'm trying to snap her out of it, remember we've both done this too...

[against_the_wind]

Get over yourself. I despise girls who elicit your behavior.

 

Karma.......

[confucious]

Are you serious? You are playing games with the #2 "back-up guy" (I find this concept pretty sad - stringing someone along in case your #1 "choice" doesn't work out...blech) while setting your sights on #1 guy and your complaining that #2 never calls you and just emails?? Do you ever call him? Cause as far as I can tell from your post you are sitting on your petite derrier expecting him to climb all over you like an eager puppy accepting any meager scraps you deign to throw him.

 

you said...

" I'm kinda gonna play with him because I have a date with guy I like best on Friday"

 

HE is not the one being "strange" here, it's YOU! Get over yourself and stop playing games. If you "really like" guy #1 then date him and ONLY him - If I was #1 and found out there WAS a #2 (assuming the dating has been going on awhile) I'd be pretty turned off, wonder why she needed to multi-date, and perhaps reconsider my initial thoughts/feelings for her.

[mrmaximum]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Hey gang, new here and thought I weigh in on this one. I’ve always thought that people should respect other people. You can have two cars, two pets, two friends (the more the merrier obviously) but not two boyfriends/girlfriends. This would turn off anyone due to the fact that you are showing this person that the opposite sex is merely a possession to you. That’s not good, you need to dump guy number two before number one finds out and gets rid of you and then you will lose them both. C’mon, think about poor guy number two who's maybe in knots wondering why on earth you seem so distant and if he should just move on. Sports teams have starters and backups, PEOPLE should not!![/sIZE][/FONT]

[princessa]

Do you no respect for yourself?? How do you even consider dating a guy whom you have so little respect for as to be calling him "backup guy". It's a surprise for me that either of these guys have any respect for you.

[mixwell]

you're right. I will not waste anymore time with backup guy. I kind of feel really ambivalent, he is sort of a guy to see if I don't have better plans. Even if guy I really like now doesn't pan out, I'll still probably get a job in another state and that will be exciting in and of itself. (basically because I kinda want to leave the state I'm in, but if I were married to a millionaire (who I was in love with if that happens), I could be happy in this state.

You put everything into perspective, thanks, Lauribel, you have lots of wisdom to offer!!!

 

Go for whoever you like but don't worry about backup guy.. as long as you are nailing him or whatever he probably won't care too much..

[CardPlay3r]

That's pretty sad paris, you are playing with people's feelings here, stringing "backup guy" (what a nasty concept) along while trying to hit it off with your first choice.

 

How would you like being the backup girl to someone?

[lindya]

I think you're just trying to convince yourself that "back-up guy" is the back up guy. If you really liked this other guy so much, why would you be wasting time thinking about someone who isn't showing you as much interest?

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

Paris,

 

You posted about a Valentines Gift the other day for a guy that you've been seeing about two weeks, right? I just want to make sure I get my facts straight here. So People, get off her back!!!!! She doesn't have two BOYFRIENDS. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating more than one guy at the same time when you've only been dating a few weeks. Of course you will like one slightly more than the other because that's just the way it works, but I wouldn't refer to him as your "back-up guy." At this point you're just feeling the waters and who knows, this second guy might come out on top (literally or metaphorically speaking!). Guys date multiple girls ALL THE TIME and when a girl does it, people flip out and give you a hard time. Geez, can I say DOUBLE STANDARD any louder????? Ok, pet peeve of mine but now I'm back on track.

 

Anyway, about the emailing thing. I wouldn't read into it at all. I hate the phone and was doing some internet dating, and guys kept asking for my phone number and I would give it to them hesitantly and tell them that I don't like talking on the phone. Just because a guy asks you out electronically doesn't mean he's not into you. I have to feel VERY comfortable with someone to want to talk on the phone with them... I talk to my mom and grandma and that's about it so anyway, do you have v-day plans yet??

[lindya]

People, get off her back!!!!! ...Guys date multiple girls ALL THE TIME and when a girl does it, people flip out and give you a hard time. Geez, can I say DOUBLE STANDARD any louder?????

 

Hopefully you won't. I know I get a bit headachey from the eternal "double standards" argument. Do you think that a man who came on here and posted about having a "back up" woman wouldn't be get a response similar to some of the posts on this thread? I'd be willing to bet he would get a very similar response.

 

I don't think it's the "dating more than one person" issue that provoked one or two heated responses here. It seems to be more the categorisation of another human being as a "back up" that pissed people off. There's an insulting arrogance in assuming that anyone would have so few options (and so little self respect) that they could be relied upon to be a "back up". From what the OP says about this guy's fairly indifferent approach to her, there's no reason to believe he would be prepared to fill that reserve position.

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

I don't think it's the "dating more than one person" issue that provoked one or two heated responses here. It seems to be more the categorisation of another human being as a "back up" that pissed people off.

 

Well I do agree with you there, and in my post I said something to that effect. She shouldn't refer to him as a back-up guy however I was just giving her the benefit of the doubt. The way I look at it, it's just semantics. In a nutshell, she's dating two guys and one is more appealing to her than the other. I think that's normal, and if she gives it time the second guy might become her one and only. After just a few dates, it's just too hard to tell. Anyway lindya, good point

[lindya]

In a nutshell, she's dating two guys and one is more appealing to her than the other. I think that's normal, and if she gives it time the second guy might become her one and only. After just a few dates, it's just too hard to tell. Anyway lindya, good point

 

Thanks. I agree that in a situation like that there's generally going to be a preferred person, and people sometimes use phrases like "back up" or "reserve" without really thinking about it. The crux of it, for me, is whether the person using those terms would be okay with other people using it to refer to them. Then again whether you're a "back-up" or a "valuable human being in your own right, but slightly less preferred option as potential partner" it has the same net effect - ie being in the second place position that most people would rather not be in.

[Salicious Crumb]

doesn't work out. Anyway, backup guy ALWAYS emails, never calls. Even when he asks me out, it's always by email. What's the deal? because guy I really like emails AND calls at least once a day.

Is backup guy not as interested? I'm kinda gonna play with him because I have a date with guy I like best on Friday, and backup guy asked me out for Saturday via email, but I'm not going to respond. Also, I had a job interview today and guy I like better called on the way to interview AND called after I got home to see how it went, backup guy only emailed.

What is up with only emailing? I'm totally calling his bluff, backup guy has written like 3 emails asking how the interview went and asking me out. Well...he can email until he gets corporal tunnel and use those digits to pick up the phone (like the guy #1 does.) Not necessarily looking for advice, just using this board as a sort of catharctic dating journal.

 

Hopefully they will both find out and leave you with no backup.

[pricillia]

I never had a back up guy... I believe you are with someone because you love them and only because you love them, not because you have a need or want or just because.

 

Everything else is gravy.

[guin_girl]

well as an apparent "backup girl" to others, it would only be appropriate to let him go so he can be the "main act" for someone else. It's not fair to him.

[glitzy55]

Don't play with peoples emotions. You are USING backup guy to fill some void in your life. Stay home, hang out with friends..but going out with backup guy for no reason..that's really selfish and mean. I find it weird that back up guy only emails you, but you haven't said..hey how about you give me call instead of emailing. Do this guy a favor and just cut him off completely.

[paris38]

I agree, backup guy is kind of disrespectful, but I was dating 2 guys at once (no sex, very early on in the matter of a couple weeks so it's not like I was cheating on anyone and as far as I know the 2 guys are also dating other people.)

I decided that the second guy is more of a friend, so I won't lead him on into thinking otherwise anymore.

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

How would you like being the backup girl to someone?

My thought exactly. Wonder if she tells back up guys he's just a back up... Naw, that would require honesty.

[Star Gazer]

There's an insulting arrogance in assuming that anyone would have so few options (and so little self respect) that they could be relied upon to be a "back up". From what the OP says about this guy's fairly indifferent approach to her, there's no reason to believe he would be prepared to fill that reserve position.

 

I totally agree. I doubt Paris' "back up" would want to fill that position.