How do you get a guy to be absolutely crazy about you and want to be exclusive?

[Pink Amulet]

It worries me to think women like you are teaching the next generation of females.

[whichwayisup]

I agree with Walk. Even though he said it was OK to the date, you still knew how important the game was to him...In all honesty, no matter HOW much I would want a guy to spend the evening with me, I'd MAKE him stick with his original plans. I'd feel too guilty otherwise, flattered yes, but still guilty that he gave up seeing his nephew play basketball...But, that's just the way I am.

[paris38]

On Monday evening, HE called and HE asked ME out for Friday, then said "well I'll have to see if my nephew is playing basketball." I was REALLY agreeable and UNDERSTANDING about that.

He called on Wed. TO SET UP THE DATE for FRIDAY. MY FIRST WORDS TO HIM WERE 'WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEPHEW'S BASKETBALL GAME? IT'S NOT FRIDAY AFTER ALL?'

He said 'I DECIDED I'D RATHER GO OUT WITH YOU INSTEAD.'

I specifically made the point to bring up the issue. I brought it up AGAIN to MAKE SURE he didn't want to go to the game.

WHICHWAYISUP, HE DID NOT TELL ME HOW IMPORTANT OR CRUCIAL IT WAS FOR HIM TO GO TO THIS ONE HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL GAME OF HIS NEPHEW'S, HE HAD JUST MENTIONED THAT HE MIGHT GO TO THAT GAME. I SAID 'NO PROBLEM.'

I ENCOURAGED HIM TO GO TO HIS NEPHEW'S GAME AND TOLD HIM WE CAN HAVE DINNER ANOTHER TIME AND HE SAID NO, I WANT TO HAVE DINNER WITH YOU. WHAT ELSE COULD I DO TO ENCOURAGE HIM TO GO TO HIS NEPHEW'S GAME, HE WAS THE ONE ASKING ME OUT, NOT VICE VERSA, HE IS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT UP THE NEPHEW'S BASKETBALL GAME ISSUE, I AM THE ONE WHO SAID 'WE CAN HAVE DINNER ANOTHER NIGHT, NO BIG DEAL.' HE IS THE ONE WHO SAID 'I REALLY WANT TO HAVE DINNER WITH YOU ON FRIDAY.' HOW THE HELL MORE SUPPORTIVE CAN I GET WITH ENCOURAGING HIM TO SEE HIS NEPHEW'S BASKETBALL GAME? IS IT MY FAULT HE DECIDED HE DID NOT WANT TO GO?

BY THE WAY WE DID GO OUT LAST NIGHT AND HAD A GREAT TIME, HE WASN'T RESENTING ME AT ALL ABOUT THE BASKETBALL GAME BECAUSE HE KNEW I TOLD HIM TO GO. GEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ. HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT HE WENT TO ALL OF HIS NEPHEW'S FOOTBALL GAMES IN THE FALL, WHICH IS HIS MAIN SPORT AND HE SEES HIS NEPHEW ALL THE TIME. I AM NOT EVIL HERE, HE PRETTY MUCH INSISTED THAT WE GO ON THE DATE ON FRIDAY. WHICHWAY IS UP, IT WAS NOT ME WHO REALLY WANTED TO SPEND THE EVENING WITH HIM, THIS GUY INITIATED EVERYTHING, IT WAS HIM WHO REALLY WANTED TO SPEND THE EVENING WITH ME, BECAUSE I ENCOURAGED HIM TO GO TO HIS NEPHEW'S GAME.

[whichwayisup]

He replied "Well, yes he is playing, but I'm blowing off the game to go out with you." For the record I did state "Are you sure, we can always have dinner another night." He appreciated this comment, but still wanted to go out with me.

So who wouldn't be flattered? He's very close to his family, there will be other games.

 

I'm just telling you what I'd do, that's all, if I were in your shoes after reading the above statement by you. No need to YELL at me. Sorry that I upset you.

[paris38]

I was feeling very criticized and judged like I was keeping this guy from seeing his nephew's basketball game, when he was the one who was pursuing the date and insisted on going out with me, I actually did say several times 'let's do another night.' I explained that pretty well that I had encouraged him to go to the game, you guys didn't seem to get that and I was the bad guy or something for keeping this guy from his nephew's basketball game.

He is an adult and capable of making his own choices, I am not responsible if he chose not to go to the game. If he REALLY wanted to go to the game, why would he call me early in the week and ask me out for Friday when he knew his nephew might be playing BB that night? Also it's really easy to check a sports schedule on the high school website, he could have checked that before setting up a date with me. In addition to that, I told him we could go another night. So I'm not getting why all the blame is being put on my shoulders here.

[Star Gazer]

I agree with Walk. Even though he said it was OK to the date, you still knew how important the game was to him...In all honesty, no matter HOW much I would want a guy to spend the evening with me, I'd MAKE him stick with his original plans. I'd feel too guilty otherwise, flattered yes, but still guilty that he gave up seeing his nephew play basketball...But, that's just the way I am.

 

I'd feel too guilty as well.

 

However, Paris is desperate, so it's understandable that she proceeded the way she did.

[paris38]

HE is the one who INSISTED not going to the game, I couldn't get him to do otherwise, HE is the one who proceded in this fashion, I encouraged him to go to the game, you obviously didn't read my followup to this.

You are a b**ch stargazer, if we're going to get into namecalling. We put this to a rest already. It doesn't make any sense, how am I desperate if a guy calls me up, asks me on a date, says he might have a basketball game to go to, calls me Wed. and says he doesn't want to go to the game, he wants to go on a date with me, I tell him no, go ahead to the game, we'll go out another night, he responds "i'd rather go to dinner with you on friday" how does this make me desperate in anyway? No logic here, Star. Sorry. It's not like I called him up asking for a date friday and he said "well I might have a BB game that night." NO HE CALLED ME UP AND INITIATED EVERYTHING, INCLUDING INSISTING ON NOT GOING TO THE BB GAME. HOW IS THIS A NEGATIVE THING ABOUT ME? HE WASN'T SAYING 'OK' TO THE DATE LIKE WHICHWAY AND WALK SAID, HE ASKED ME OUT AND SAID HE WANTED TO GO OUT ON THE DATE WITH ME, NOT THE GAME. IS THIS CLEAR NOW?

[Pink Amulet]

how am I desperate if a guy calls me up, asks me on a date, says he might have a basketball game to go to, calls me Wed. and says he doesn't want to go to the game, he wants to go on a date with me, I tell him no, go ahead to the game, we'll go out another night, he responds "i'd rather go to dinner with you on friday" how does this make me desperate in anyway?

 

Forget the game... I think stargazer was refering to this....

 

How do you get a guy to be absolutely crazy about you and want to be exclusive?

 

or this....

 

I would love if he would fall in love with me.

 

Or maybe this...

 

has the financial ability to support a stay at home wife & kid (which would be so much more fun than being a teacher.

 

but I think it may have been this...

 

like, even if he made 30,000 a year I'd still really like him

[Star Gazer]

HE is the one who INSISTED not going to the game, I couldn't get him to do otherwise, HE is the one who proceded in this fashion, I encouraged him to go to the game, you obviously didn't read my followup to this.

You are a b**ch stargazer, if we're going to get into namecalling. We put this to a rest already. It doesn't make any sense, how am I desperate if a guy calls me up, asks me on a date, says he might have a basketball game to go to, calls me Wed. and says he doesn't want to go to the game, he wants to go on a date with me, I tell him no, go ahead to the game, we'll go out another night, he responds "i'd rather go to dinner with you on friday" how does this make me desperate in anyway? No logic here, Star. Sorry. It's not like I called him up asking for a date friday and he said "well I might have a BB game that night." NO HE CALLED ME UP AND INITIATED EVERYTHING, INCLUDING INSISTING ON NOT GOING TO THE BB GAME. HOW IS THIS A NEGATIVE THING ABOUT ME? HE WASN'T SAYING 'OK' TO THE DATE LIKE WHICHWAY AND WALK SAID, HE ASKED ME OUT AND SAID HE WANTED TO GO OUT ON THE DATE WITH ME, NOT THE GAME. IS THIS CLEAR NOW?

 

You're awfully defensive. And clearly you've got a ton of class....yeaaaahhhh...

 

He insisted? Does he control you? All I was saying, in AGREEMENT with WWIU, is that if I were in your shoes (and, uh, obviously I had to have read the followup to agree with WWIU), I would have been the one INSISTING that he KEEP his plans to go to the game with his FAMILY.

 

Stop yelling. It's rude.

[paris38]

I already stated I needed to take it easy with this guy, which I have been doing. I realized the post was original post was overkill. I am taking it easy because I am not desperate, I sort of felt like it at the time and I posted as a rambling sort of post,not even asking for advice.

I have had a very rough month, for reasons unrelated to dating.

I met this guy in the midst of a VERY STRESSFUL point in my personal life which has been going on for a month. I hope you never have to go through something like this.

I had an interview last week out of state and will find out next week if it will be offered to me, I am not 100% sure if I want the job if offered. because of said situation in my personal life, which I will not get into but let's say it is the 2nd most terrifying and stressful time in my life I have ever been through, my emotions were on overload when I posted. However, when people were getting nitpicky about how I handled the BB game situation, I was not going to allow them to tell me that I was in the wrong when I offered him several times to go out on another night. The plans for the BB game obviously were not set in stone, when he is telling me over and over "No, I want to go with you" then what else am I supposed to do?

That is why I tried to end the post by saying I would take it easy with this guy, which I have been doing. I have no idea how it will turn out with him and am cooling it off. Thanks for your understanding.

[whichwayisup]

Just make sure if you get the job you really consider it and don't stay where you are for a guy and a possible relationship that really isn't serious yet. Job and money come first! Good luck with that!! And, sorry to hear that you've been having a rough month with alot of stress in it. Maybe the change of scenery will be a good thing!

[Star Gazer]

Whatever. You can defend your actions regarding this one basketball game thing all you want, but I've followed all of your threads and posts. Do you want me to remind you of your posts?

 

Go back and read them. Your own words belie the fact that you ARE in fact desperate.

 

And if I were going through something TERRIFYING, I wouldn't be so damn concerned about the state of my love life to the extent you are. In other words, I don't believe you. I think you're making up excuses.

[paris38]

Just make sure if you get the job you really consider it and don't stay where you are for a guy and a possible relationship that really isn't serious yet. Job and money come first! Good luck with that!! And, sorry to hear that you've been having a rough month with alot of stress in it. Maybe the change of scenery will be a good thing!

 

 

I agree, thank you whichwayisup. It was a nice relaxing and positive day that I had the interview and am getting more contacts and exploring moving to the Pacific NW. Will not let dating get in the way unless it gets serious and it comes to that by Aug.

[Guest]

i can't believe you thought it was neat that he blew of his nephew's game for you! you should be encouraging him to go! you could have said something like.. "i love basketball!" maybe he would have asked you to go and you could have met some of his family.

[burning 4 revenge]

I disagree, and you're still a desperate person, in addition to being MALICIOUS.

she's just being ridiculous. it's bizarre that shes like 38 and saying that kind of stuff, but i think people are just more imature in general these days. i know i am

[paris38]

they look totally fake and unnatural.

If you go back and look at the posts, Star Gazer actually started the potshots after I explained the whole basketball game situation, her response was "But Paris is desperate so of course she responded that way."

That was very uncalled for and a definite cheap shot, so I'm not apologizing or taking the heat for this when she began the rudeness herself. IF she's going to be mean and make me feel like crap, she's getting it back.

[Star Gazer]

Do you think you're bothering me by focusing so much negativity on my boobs?

 

I'm rather fascinated with breasts myself, so maybe you should show us yours so I can understand just where you get your comparison?

 

For the record, I have only commented on your behavior. You're now engaging in personal attacks by criticizing my appearance and body.

[paris38]

I'd rather not. As long as you're done with the namecalling I'm done with this.

[burning 4 revenge]

this catfight is giving me a boner

[paris38]

she started here. She had already stated a few times about me being desperate.

There is no way you can say that the BB game incident warranted this response from her. (read the entire post about the BB game thing, I completely stand by it and it doesn't make me desperate.) There is no way that Star Gazer's response was not a direct attack meant to be hurtful to me.

 

 

 

I'd feel too guilty as well.

 

However, Paris is desperate, so it's understandable that she proceeded the way she did.

[Star Gazer]

she started here. She had already stated a few times about me being desperate.

There is no way you can say that the BB game incident warranted this response from her. (read the entire post about the BB game thing, I completely stand by it and it doesn't make me desperate.) There is no way that Star Gazer's response was not a direct attack meant to be hurtful to me.

 

 

Um, no, that's not where it started. I've called your behavior desperate in other threads.

 

You cannot justify your personal attacks, Paris, so don't even try.