How do you get a guy to be absolutely crazy about you and want to be exclusive?

[paris38]

I'm kind of on a timeline here. THANKS!

[Lauriebell82]

just be urself..its the only way to go!

[konfuzd]

You've been seeing this guy for less than 2 weeks right? What is the hurry? Why not take the time to get to know him, his flaws, quirks, annoying habits, and decide whether the good outweighs the bad before you get too serious?

 

Rushing into things only sets you up for dissapointment. Are you going to dive head first into a pool without first checking if it's deep enough?

[paris38]

I am interviewing for jobs out of state....job would start in August sometime (teaching position). However I would stay here if I were in love. I would love if he would fall in love with me. Not that I'm superficial in ANY way but he 1. is my age 2. has never been married 3. wants kids 4. has the financial ability to support a stay at home wife & kid (which would be so much more fun than being a teacher.) 5. I really like him a LOT, like, even if he made 30,000 a year I'd still really like him. (He's a millionaire, he told me, and I verified it by checking out his business on the web. NOT THAT THAT MATTERS)So far it's going well but....well...I'M ON A TIMELINE.

Again, I'm sort of rambling here to keep myself from doting on the situation too much and drive myself crazy, it's catharctic for me.

[Lauriebell82]

ok so u want to speed up the relationship to a serious one to determine whether u stay in the state? that is just not going to work. first of all, u can NEVER just force or make a guy fall in love with u. guys fall in love at all different speeds..mine fell for me fast within the first month, but it could be longer for the guy ur dating. relationships move at all different speeds, some fast and some slow. have u told the dude ur interviewing for jobs out of state?

 

if u get hired at one of these jobs, the job wouldnt start till august so that gives u a good 6 months to see how things go with this guy. ur not going to be able to make him fall in love with u. like i said before, just be urself. but another thing, dont center ur life around some guy that u've only been dating a couple weeks. u said before in ur other thread that ur ex broke up with u because ur were needy and u based ur life around his. well it sounds like ur doing that now except u've only known the guy a couple weeks! seriously, i know its hard because u like the guy but see how things go. u cant hurry up a relationship for the sake of a job.

 

my advice it to just keep interviewing for jobs. the job wont start for awhile so if u decide this guy is worth staying for then u can just turn down the job. ur not NEARLY as far in the relationship to consider this type of decision.

[paris38]

You help keep me in check. He called me on my way to the interview (I didn't answer) and he called me tonight. So I did well by not calling him. Also, he confirmed the date for tomorrow night, and he had said he wouldn't be able to go if his nephew was playing basketball because he hadn't gone to any of his games yet, so I said "Oh, I wasn't sure if we were going out tomorrow or not since you said your nephew might be playing basketball." Then he said "Oh,well I decided to blow off my nephew tomorrow." LOL So...not calling and letting him do the calling seems to be the way to go with this guy.

This guy's nephew is a really good high school basketball player who has been recruited to a really good major basketball program (Big Ten) so that is cool he is blowing off his nephew's game for me.

[rvj1979]

You can't be on a "timeline" when it comes to falling in love. Even if you get the position in August if its meant to be then it will happen.

[Star Gazer]

I am SO giving up on you. This is ridiculous.

[Lauriebell82]

let this guy chase u a little! and u'll get used to the "waiting for him to call u" thing. my bf works all day as an accountant and i dont usually talk to him during the week until like 9 or 10 pm. i really would like to talk to him more, even when i know he's home aleady, but i wait for him to call because i know he is doing his own thing. and i do mine! i go to work out and try to keep busy rather than sit by my phone and wait for it to ring.

 

i can tend to be a little reliant on a guy i'm dating (hence my thread where everyone blew up at me and called me needy and dependent). but anyway, just keep telling urself that u need to keep this guy interested. guys love to chase girls, they get bored when they feel like they already have u. 5 months later, i'm still trying to keep my bf chasing me just a little. and honestly, i've noticed that when i make him come to me he does it will full force. i know it is hard, i struggle with it too, but if u really see this going somewhere, ur gonna have to calm down.

[Star Gazer]

aww come on stargazer give her a little bit of a break. i'm trying to snap her out of it, remember we've both done this too...

 

Oooohhhh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I haven't!!

 

Paris isn't just needy or clingy (what we're guilty of), she's full on DESPERATE.

 

I'm sorry if that's harsh, but this whole "timeline" to fall in love rather than pursue a career opportunity is just absolutely crazy and desperate.

[Art_Critic]

What is your rush ?

 

A desperate woman is easy to pick out and a man will run away faster than he can say the words goodbye.

 

You seem to be trying too hard..

[Art_Critic]

I'm kind of on a timeline here. THANKS!

 

Maybe you need to wait until you move out of state and start dating a guy there..

You are not going to find, date and marry a guy in time to save you from moving..

The sad thing is that if you do find a guy that you click with you will have to move.. You will have wasted his time.

 

Do you tell these guys that you are going to move to another state ?

 

What happened to the millionaire you were dating and in love with 2 weeks ago ?

[whichwayisup]

You can't force or rush it. If you do, it will repell and go the opposite direction. Men (and women) have a way of picking up on that energy, it's a desparation, a need that is TOO much TOO soon and in all honesty, it makes a person back off and head for the hills, especially if the other person isn't feeling it as intensely. Sorry and I don't mean to sound harsh.

 

You need to find a job, that is your first priority, so if going out of town is the answer, then do it. DO NOT stay for a man, even one with potiental... There are tons of guys out there, and I'm sure in the new town you'll meet new people.

[riobikini]

Paris, I think StarGazer and Art Critic may be closer to the truth about how you could appear to the man you're dating.

 

Generally speaking -no one likes that kind of pressure.

 

And that goes double for men, in particular.

 

True, he hasn't figured out your secret "agenda" and "deadline" -yet- but keep pressing, and he will.

 

And as long as I'm touching on that point, maybe, (thinking in *his* best interest) that it's best he does know.

 

It's unfair, and downright manipulative behavior.

 

Actually, I'm surprised at you.

 

Back down, let up off the gas, get back on track with your honesty-quotient, and turn those motives around.

 

You're asking for future trouble if you keep trying to manipulate the relationship, and push things forward to suit *your* plans.

 

-Rio

[Kamille]

Paris, I think StarGazer and Art Critic may be closer to the truth about how you could appear to the man you're dating.

 

Generally speaking -no one likes that kind of pressure.

 

And that goes double for men, in particular.

 

True, he hasn't figured out your secret "agenda" and "deadline" -yet- but keep pressing, and he will.

 

And as long as I'm touching on that point, maybe, (thinking in *his* best interest) that it's best he does know.

 

It's unfair, and downright manipulative behavior.

 

Actually, I'm surprised at you.

 

Back down, get back on track with your honesty-quotient, and turn those motives around.

 

You're asking for future trouble if you keep trying to manipulate the relationship, and push things forward to suit *your* plans.

 

-Rio

 

Exactly what I was thinking but so well put as always Riobikini!

 

Paris38, falling in love is a mutual process. Do you yourself consider that you are already in love with him?

[paris38]

I am taking this one easy. I appreciate it!

[Salicious Crumb]

Cook dinner for him. Not trying to put you in a traditional, "the women do the cooking" role....but we love that.

 

It shows you cared enough to go to all that trouble. Thats why when I am smitten on someone, I cook for her.

[CaliGuy]

I'm kind of on a timeline here. THANKS!

 

Not gonna happen, especially with a timeline.

 

My best advice is just be yourself and don't try too hard to get him to like you. Doing so will push him away not draw him to you.

 

Love is not logically nor can it be forced on anyone. It's there or it isn't.

[Lauriebell82]

try not to be needy, its a turn off to guys!!!! i like the idea of cooking for him though, men like to be taken care of and pampered. if u feed him, give him a massage, and satisfy his labido, he'll be so in heaven he'll never want to give u up. my bf LOVES that kind of thing. not saying he'll fall in love with u, but take care of him with a balance of not ALWAYS being around or being too available. but when u do happen to be available make him feel like a million bucks (or a billion since he already is a millionare lol)

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

he ... has the financial ability to support a stay at home wife & kid (which would be so much more fun than being a teacher.)

 

 

Paris I didn't realize you're a teacher (me too!). What do you teach, or what's your certification in? I don't know what you mean... How can being a stay-at-home mom beat the trials and tribulations of being a school teacher j/k- I don't blame you!

 

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that if you are offered the job and it's a good one, take it. My friend lived in Iowa for a whole year (she's also a teacher and couldn't just up and leave mid-year to move to Ohio) and her boyfriend lived here. At the end of the year, she came out here to be with him, and are now married with two kids. So basically what I'm saying is that there's plenty of time. I think he will respect you if you take the job because that will show him you're just not after his $$$. Besides, if he's that rich, he can just buy a jet and come see you whenever he wants to

[Walk]

This guy's nephew is a really good high school basketball player who has been recruited to a really good major basketball program (Big Ten) so that is cool he is blowing off his nephew's game for me.

 

Dont' be this way. **shaking head** Please don't be this way.

 

You're happy he's ditching his family obligations to take you out? For one, what does that really say about his feelings toward family? Two, what kind of man would "blow off" people he loves and cares about in order to have a moment of fun? And you're insisting he be like this if he wants to see you?!?!? Don't. Just don't, ok.

 

What you should do... ask him if the two of you could have your "date" at the nephew's game. It'd show the guy that you CARE about the things he places importance on in life. That you CARE about family and fulfilling your obligations. That you actually place this guys responsibilities/obligations ABOVE your own instant gratifications.

 

Don't blow off his nephews game as though it's nothing. The guy might be saying it's nothing.. but you mentioned he said TWICE that he needed to go. Men (and women) dont' repeat stuff unless it's important to them. Why are you ignoring it? You're showing him you're just like every other self-absorbed, only after his money, and what can he do for you, type of woman out there.

[paris38]

Well the date last night was tentative on the basketball game. He said "I'll have to check to see if my nephew is playing and then I'll let you know for sure." Well he called on Wed. to set up the Friday night date with me. i then said 'Oh, so your nephew's game is not Friday." He replied "Well, yes he is playing, but I'm blowing off the game to go out with you." For the record I did state "Are you sure, we can always have dinner another night." He appreciated this comment, but still wanted to go out with me.

So who wouldn't be flattered? He's very close to his family, there will be other games.

Also...I didn't want to go to the nephew's BB game with him, his whole family (parents, brother, etc.) would be at the game, it's not time for meet the family yet!

[Walk]

Well the date last night was tentative on the basketball game. He said "I'll have to check to see if my nephew is playing and then I'll let you know for sure." Well he called on Wed. to set up the Friday night date with me. i then said 'Oh, so your nephew's game is not Friday." He replied "Well, yes he is playing, but I'm blowing off the game to go out with you." For the record I did state "Are you sure, we can always have dinner another night." He appreciated this comment, but still wanted to go out with me.

So who wouldn't be flattered? He's very close to his family, there will be other games.

Also...I didn't want to go to the nephew's BB game with him, his whole family (parents, brother, etc.) would be at the game, it's not time for meet the family yet!

 

Yeah... I'd be flattered too. He had a choice between fulfilling his family obligations (in which the entire rest of his family will be there) or seeing you. He chose you. So yeah, I'd be flattered.

 

I guess I see it differently. Most people don't repeat they have to do something if they don't really have to do it. He feels obligated to go. He wants you to like him. He's trying to balance his family life and you. And you're saying that although you're OK with him going to see his nephew, you never said specifically that you wouldnt' hold it against him. Better way would've been to reschedule for a different day, stuck to your guns and wished him fun at the game. Let him know its important to you that he be the type of man who fulfills his obligations. That you'd still be happy to see him the day after, and no ones going to die if you two don't go out that night.

 

Just my opinion. You don't have to take take it. Its just that at the start of relationships the communication sucks, and people are trying like crazy to not rock the boat. And I think he was trying to say that he really did feel he had to go, but he also wants to see you very badly. I dont' understand why he has to choose between the two. Why can't you suggest an alternative so he won't have to break his word? *shrug*

[paris38]

but he had initiated the date, so I feel I did offer him an alternative by saying we can go to dinner another night. So I was already expressing being very understanding if we had to reschedule our date.

There are other games he will be able to attend for his nephew, also he had attended a local press conference earlier this week where his nephew signed the letter of intent to play for the Big Ten Team. ANd also I was confused, the nephew is actually playing football for the Big Ten team, not basketball, he just happens to be a varsity basketball player, too, but basketball isn't his first sport (he told me all this last night, and I am kind of out of it on the high school sports thing.) But he will get to one of the nephew's basketball games, too!

[Thunder973]

Us guys are a funny breed. In my opinion from all my experience. Falling madly in love with someone differs from person to person. Its based on chemistry, karma, and the actions of the other person. I agree also with being yourself because I would not like to fall in love with a "Fascade" but rahter with what the person really is. Falling in love takes effort on the part of both people involved.