Ugh Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I have posted a few times, but I will give you a quick run down. My H and I are seperated now for about 2-1/2 months; I moved out of the house. We have been married for almost 6 years and together for 10. The road was always rocky as he is a work-aholic and an alcholic and has some really bad temper problems. So, since I have moved out he has been pleading, beggin and the like to get me to come home. I don't want to; I am so happy to be on my own and not have to deal with the day in and day out moodiness and walking on egg shells. He went on a trip last week and we barely spoke which was really nice and while he was gone I went and hired an atty. The problem I am having now is that he is calling and crying and begging and pleading and I believe he is somewhat suicidle. I want to be there for him but how can the one causing the pain be the one to help. He is upset cuz we are trying to figure out how to split the stuff in the house and get the bills in one or the others name etc. I just hate feeling the guilt of hurting someone although I know in my heart I am doing the right thing. He needs to be strong and independent, he has always relied on me to make him happy instead of making himself happy and I be the extra kicker. just hard!
sumdude Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Wow, I'm sort of in your husbands position. My wife suddenly moved out 2 weeks ago. My drinking became a problem over the last 2 years or so. In the last 2 months I started down the really bad moodiness road. I've been sober now for over 2 weeks. Bottom line is that he is totally affected by the booze. At some point it affects all of your emotions and thoughts. It's a depressant so you end up depressed. Bottom line is he has to stop drinking but HE has to realize it but could use some help. You would be amazed what changes once someone gets sober, even in a couple of weeks. Then he might start to see the underlying issues. Consider just some hope for him and the marriage for a tiny bit longer. Your husband has to sober up and seek counciling. " Alcohol abuse and dependence cause emotional and social problems. Because alcohol affects emotional centers in the limbic system, alcoholics can become anxious, depressed and even suicidal. The emotional and physical effects of alcohol can contribute to marital and family problems, including domestic violence, as well as work-related problems, such as excessive absences and poor performance. " Use your head, do this as unemotionally as possible. ( I can't believe I'm giving this advice being on the other side) My wife has made my sobriety, counciling (myself and couples) and a couple other things non-negotiable to her possibly returning. If he gives a damn about you or the marriage he'll at least try. Demand detox and AA. She also gave no time limit either though she has something 'in her head'. It' like this. Tell him calmly and rationally that he has chosen alcohol over you. He's been having an affair with alcohol for years. You won't play second fiddle to a bottle. You can't stand to watch him slowly die of liver failure. If he finally sees that the booze is robbing him of the most important things in his life the denial might have hope of lifting. Good luck to both of us.....
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