sumdude Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 So here I am. The wife moved out 2 weeks ago. I'm staying sober. We're talking but barely. And there are all these big events coming up in the next 2 weeks. Valentine's Day - wonder how to approach this one Freind's Wedding 'Reception' - Our freinds got married on a island and having a party in the states to celebrate. Might have to pass, come up with 'on business trip' excuse or something. To much partying with those folks and too many questions to answer. A possible 'gig' - I've been asked to perform with a band I'm used to partying with. Think I'll have to turn this one down right now. My Nieces Birthday - Usually the W & I do something for her together, at least call. My Birthday First Anniversary of my Mother's death - Dammit, how much can a man take in one year?
bperl Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I know how you are feeling. I had to do New Years, our 7 year anniversary (of dating), and now valentines day. It is really tough, but people in our situation need to be tough and not fall to temptation. We can also not avoid living, or going on with our lives. As one counselor told me, especially if you want them back, you need to show them that you are moving forward without them and can live without them. Just be strong and find something to occupy your time that is positive.
sb129 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Lets look at it another way. feb IS the shortest month of the year. And we are already nine days into it. I would have suggested that you play the gig, however if its going to be tempting for you to fall off the wagon I don't know. hmm. Is there any way you can talk to band members beforehand and explain the sitch? As for your birthday- TREAT yourself! Go shopping, have some nice food, see a film. You deserve it. Anniversaries are tough. No suggestions there. But V day- sod that. Its just a commercial excuse to suck money out of people, and to make singles feel crap. Its bollocks. Bollocks to V day.
dgiirl Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 sumdude, you've got a lot of events happening all in one month. For me, valentines day marks the day dbomb got dropped. So obviously it brings up some painful memories. But at the same time, I try to look at the day defiantly. It's a day that marks the beginning of my independence, my rebirth, and depending on what I focus on, that day can be painful or prideful. I choose to do my best to look at it in a positive light. If a certain event is painful, you can decide to REDEFINE that day for yourself. Do something completely different. Something that brings meaning to yourself. Something that will bring a positive out of a negative. For me, valentines day has always been a sad lonely day. Even when married, that day was never romantic. Now, I choose to buy myself my own valentines day presents. Things that make me feel good about myself. I choose to embrace the day completely as my own and celebrate it my own way. Why should I feel horrible because i'm single on valentines day? Why not screw the expectations of what other's say for that day should be, and do the things that will make me feel great about myself on that day. Kudos to all those who do celebrate that day with a romantic partner, but I wont let that make me feel bad about myself. You can do this with every single event that's happening for you. Redefine it so that it's a positive in your life, not a negative!
Gunny376 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Listen up ~ and listen good! Its just dates and days on a calendar ~ that's all the Hell it is! The only freaking date or day that counts is today! Did your ass wake up breathing? Guess what? Today's a good day! You're still living! You're still breathing! Its just that freaking simple! You're sucking air, and you'e still alive. You're wife left you? Oh, well?! All that means is that you've got to go out and find a new GF or wife?! DAMNNED THE BAD LUCK!
PWSX3 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 You are giving yourself the best gift you can and that is staying sober. I have to agree if you want to do that gig then talk to the band members and let them know "YOU" do not want to drink anymore but would like to play. Ask them if they would help support you? It would be a win, win situation I would think. Dgiirl has some good ideas, for your B-Day go buy you something that you have always wanted (unless it's out of your price range:D) and enjoy it as your day. Your always welcome to post here when you are feeling down, trust me it helps to vent. I wish you the best in Feb. it's just another month of you becoming a better person, you will make it.
Author sumdude Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 Thanks all, I realize thay are just dates and such but traditions are hard to ignore some times. Gunny, I hear you but it's a bit too soon to think about finding someone else just yet. It's only been 3 weeks after all. We're still going to go to counciling and see what can be worked out. I get up in the morning and tell myself I'll have a good day. Anyhow my W came over today and we spent 4 hours together talking. Some simple happy talk, some talk about things that have happened, relationship issues. Before she left she told me she's not sure just who she is right now and until she knows isn't sure where she belongs. The ambivalence is frustrating and hard to take but nothing I can do about it. Feel like banging the walls but that'll do no good.
LakesideDream Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Sum.. it won't get better for awhile. It was a couple of years for me. As for V-day just being another day... that's crap. Whether it was a "made up" holiday or not, those were some of my (our) best days. When a holiday (made up or not) inspires you to do something extra-extra special for your partner, it's a good thing. The creation of good memories is an excellent thing. Not to worry, things WILL get better, one way or another. The trick is to be as comfortable as you can until things start flowing your way. Good Luck,
aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 My wife ended our relationship mid-December and I was still living with her until a few weeks ago. I had to do Christmas eve/day, New Year's Eve/Day and now the day of lovers by myself. She is with someone else already and planning on getting married and I haven't even filed the papers yet! So be strong and realize that it is just a date and it will pass as will all this crap we're going through. I found that only thinking one or two days in advance helps keep my focus on the tasks at hand. If I start feeling like sh*t I concentrate and reflect on those feelings until the pain ebbs. When I get angry I let it happen, but remind myself that she doesn't deserve me feeling anything towards her not even anger.
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 SD, just wondering how you are??? Been a while since you've posted. No matter what is going on, we're all here to support you...Noone is going to beat up on you IF by chance you've slipped.....Anyway, I just wanted to bump up this thread, incase you're reading on the site still...
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