guin_girl Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I was in a relationship for 2.5 years only to find out when she showed up on my doorstep to "claim" him, he was in another long term relationship and I was the other woman. He gave me this whole song and dance that he didn't know how to get out of the relationship with her and loved me and wanted to marry me. I tried to be understanding, but the fact he lied to me from the very first day he met me was so overwhelming. It took me so long to get past it all. Subsequent investigating uncovered that they bought a truck and house together while he was staying with me at least 3 - 4 times a week. I even think they were/are married... but on our last conversation, he told me that he had hooked up with this other woman who lived in another state and that he was leaving.... Fast forward a year later, I see that stupid truck, or so I thought it was his... I only saw the driver for a flash on the interstate and the truck floored it and flew past me. But I thought maybe I was just wishing it was him subconsciously. After this last dating fiasco, he started creeping back into my thoughts. I tried to put it out of my mind. Well last night a friend tells me, they saw the same truck and it was definitely him, she tried to get him to roll down the window so she could talk to him. He turned to look at her, blood drained out of his face and he floored away from her. So apparently, he's back or still with the girl who showed up on my doorstep. It bothers me that he picked her over me. It ticks me off that he WASTED those years of my life giving me empty promises. And it really bothers me that it still bothers me.
Davis Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 So apparently, he's back or still with the girl who showed up on my doorstep. It bothers me that he picked her over me. It ticks me off that he WASTED those years of my life giving me empty promises. And it really bothers me that it still bothers me. Guin. Think about it for a minute: what kind of guy is he? A liar and a cheater! He obviously lied to both of you and cheated on both of you. So you would want to "win" him!?!? Guin, did you fall and bump your head? Imagine if you had married a guy like him. You could have children, an STD and a husband that is cheating on you that you wish you had gotten rid of him in the beginning! And it "bothers" you that he picked her? Thank your lucky stars!! (and don't take it so personally). Of course it still bothers you. It makes us angry when we trust in people and they burn us. That's normal. My ex cheated on me and that was a month ago. 20 times a day I still tell myself "I hate the fc**ng b**tch!" So I understand your anger and your frustration. Guin: it's been over a year!? That's way too long to pine over some guy that is a piece of sh**t! Quit kicking yourself for "wasting" time. You did learn a lesson, to be more cautious and careful next time and bail out when you see the red flags. We all make mistakes and everyone plays the fool at some point. Come on girl! Pick up the pieces and get on with your life. NO guy is worth what you are doing to yourself. Good luck!
Author guin_girl Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Oh in my head I know that he's a loser... and I know it's not me and it was all him... and I'm so much better off without him. But just the fact that he spoke so horribly about her and when she found out about me, she was UNBELIEVABLY revengeful... and I was still in shock and was actually very nice to him... too nice... and he went back to her... that just drives me insane... men do prefer b!tches... I need to be one, but I just can't be that mean all the time, it just takes too much energy The last almost 10 years, I seem to have "return to ex" disease... I listen to all these guys complain about their ex gfs/wives and EVERY frigging one either goes back to them or just can't get over them. I get the "oh you are such a great girl, I can't understand why you haven't been scooped up yet". Well gee maybe because you all are chasing these girls you profess to not want and not love... UGH This last guy that just disappeared on me (he's still hung up on his ex wife) reinstated all those annoying feelings and emotions. And then seeing the ex within the same week of the break up in that stupid truck just messed me up.
polywog Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Oh in my head I know that he's a loser... and I know it's not me and it was all him... and I'm so much better off without him. But just the fact that he spoke so horribly about her and when she found out about me, she was UNBELIEVABLY revengeful... and I was still in shock and was actually very nice to him... too nice... and he went back to her... that just drives me insane... men do prefer b!tches... I need to be one, but I just can't be that mean all the time, it just takes too much energy The last almost 10 years, I seem to have "return to ex" disease... I listen to all these guys complain about their ex gfs/wives and EVERY frigging one either goes back to them or just can't get over them. I get the "oh you are such a great girl, I can't understand why you haven't been scooped up yet". Well gee maybe because you all are chasing these girls you profess to not want and not love... UGH This last guy that just disappeared on me (he's still hung up on his ex wife) reinstated all those annoying feelings and emotions. And then seeing the ex within the same week of the break up in that stupid truck just messed me up. Eeeeew... that awful feeling, I have been there with the seeing the ex etc. thing when you think you are over them etc. Awful. Sounds as if the minute a man starts talking about his ex, you should run the other direction. Either he's not over her, or is the kind of man who likes to blame his exes for everything, or both.... bad traits. Run away.
Author guin_girl Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Eeeeew... that awful feeling, I have been there with the seeing the ex etc. thing when you think you are over them etc. Awful. Sounds as if the minute a man starts talking about his ex, you should run the other direction. Either he's not over her, or is the kind of man who likes to blame his exes for everything, or both.... bad traits. Run away. Unfortunately at my age, there's always an ex that they talk about... kids and the like makes those ties have to stick around whether we like it or not
Davis Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Oh in my head I know that he's a loser... and I know it's not me and it was all him... and I'm so much better off without him. Men do prefer b!tches... I need to be one, but I just can't be that mean all the time, it just takes too much energy The last almost 10 years, I seem to have "return to ex" disease Hey Guin. I hope you didn't think I was too rough on you yesterday! I do think you're better off without him. I don't think men prefer bitches, and yes it takes a lot of energy. However, I do think there's a fine line between a bitch and a doormat. I think you fault on the side of being too nice. Men will respect you (and be more attracted to you) if you act like a bitch once in a while. I think you know what I mean ... don't be a wussy all the time. As for the "ex disease" I think you have to be more careful to choose guys that are completely done with their exes. Ask lots of questions and don't get involved too quickly! That seems to be your Achiles Heal. Try to work on that hard. You don't want to be caught in that cycle the rest of your life.
polywog Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Unfortunately at my age, there's always an ex that they talk about... kids and the like makes those ties have to stick around whether we like it or not Yeah, exes are just a fact of life after a certain age, but they don't all talk trash about them, and there are the ones that have been free long enough to not want to go back.
Author guin_girl Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 As for the "ex disease" I think you have to be more careful to choose guys that are completely done with their exes. Ask lots of questions and don't get involved too quickly! That seems to be your Achiles Heal. Try to work on that hard. You don't want to be caught in that cycle the rest of your life. No Davis, you didn't bother me. I know he's bad news, that's why I was mad that it bothered me when I saw him. But it was also the very first time I had seen him for over a year. I avoid all places that I knew he frequented. I actually thought he had moved out of state and the girls were trying to get me to go to where I met him. Now I at least know to keep avoiding. I think my problem is that I usually start out as friends/confidants of them and than it morphs into something more... I'm actually quite guarded because I have had some really bad relationships and don't trust easily and don't fall quickly, but when I do fall, it's super hard... I try to get my male friends to meet any guy I'm dating so that I can get a second opinion. They are usually pretty good on letting me know if I should watch out or not.
Davis Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I was mad that it bothered me when I saw him. I avoid all places that I knew he frequented. I think my problem is that I usually start out as friends/confidants of them and than it morphs into something more..... I try to get my male friends to meet any guy I'm dating so that I can get a second opinion. Hey Guin. You shouldn't be mad at yourself that it bothered you when you saw him. It bothered me when I saw my ex and her new dude driving. That's a normal human reaction and emotion. Don't worry, I avoid the place that my ex frequents because at this point, I know it's not good for me to see her and her new dude. You should probably continue that for a while. If you start as friends, then you should know their past! And then you choose to go forward and ignore the red flags? Try to get your friends to introduce you to some guys. And continue to have them give you the second opinion and make sure you listen to their comments! If you see red flags or your intuition tells you it's not right, then bail out and save yourself a lot of wasted time and heartache. You're doing fine. Hang in there.
Author guin_girl Posted February 11, 2007 Author Posted February 11, 2007 If you start as friends, then you should know their past! And then you choose to go forward and ignore the red flags? Well there is the "annoying" part of the "whole nother life" guy. I saw him in several relationships prior to me going out with him. Most of his friends didn't even know he was leading a double life. Trust me, if I saw that flag a'wavin, I would have run!
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