addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I've composed several emails to MM telling him how I feel about his minimal contact. I finally sent one. I told him I've had enough. I can't wait around for a simple email or call anymore. I'm tired of being disappointed, hurt and frustrated. I told him that I deserve more and better than what he is giving. I also said that while I've never asked him for promises of forever he hasn't even put for the effort it would take to maintain a simple friendship. He started this...he's the one that came out of the woodwork and laid his feelings on the table. He's the one that said he could never let me go. Well buddy you've got a funny way of showing it. All I wanted was a little communication. He asked for a second chance with me...he blew it. I do not plan to contact him anymore. I've squashed my fears of pushing him away by telling him how I feel. I did not give him an ultimatum I simply said I've had enough. I don't expect to hear from him and that's fine I'm used to that. But if I do I'm sure it will be more of the same...I love you I miss you crap....but this time instead of falling into his trap I plan to turn the tables. I will no longer feed his ego with heartfelt letters telling him how much I love him and how much he means to me. He has shown me exactly how much I mean to him with his lack of concideration...I told him that to. Although I'm still bruised over the whole damn thing I feel as though I've taken my power back by telling him these things. Just wish he could have at least heard my voice telling him...not the same effect as email but it's the only tool I have at this point.
hunnybuns Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Trust me if he thinks you are over he will start talking and emailing you all over again trying to win you back. Telling you all the things you want to hear....(sweet mushy things like all girls want to hear...) but he will never change what he is doing....he says he will and maybe he will for a few days or so then right back to the same old fricken things. I know I deal with the same S***. You go girl!! Tell him just like it is....if he doesn't like it then he doesn't deserve you. (kick his a$$ to the curb)....he will realize what a good thing he had.
Jinxx Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Although I'm still bruised over the whole damn thing I feel as though I've taken my power back by telling him these things. Just wish he could have at least heard my voice telling him...not the same effect as email but it's the only tool I have at this point. I'm going through exactly the same thing. As hard as the past couple weeks have been, I feel like I have finally taken control back of my own life, a good feeling. I have drafted an email but have yet to send it, I doubt if I will. The day will come (or maybe not) when he will have to hear what I have to say face to face.
Author addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 Unfortunately for me he lives 9 hours away so face to face isn't possible. As much as I would have loved to tell him off in person it can't happen. But I was very direct and to the point in my email. No mushy stuff. Plain and simple I've had enough. My H has put me through hell and back and I've forgiven him multiple times for his multiple A's. Now for the most part things are ok but he still ignores me. I already have one man in my life that acts as though I don't exist...I certainly don't need two! I swear I don't understand men sometimes. I'm a wonderful person with a lot of love and affection to give. There have only been two men in my life that I've ever truly loved and have been devoted to..first my ex BF who is also MM and my H. Both of these people have done nothing but hurt me and treat me like sh*t. I'm begining to think that being a kind, loving, caring and generous person isn't the way to go. I see a lot of women who are absolute b*tches but they get everything they want out of life. I have friends who treat their H's like absolute garbage and the H would bend over backwards to make her happy. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe I need some B*tch lessons! Ha ha!
Impudent Oyster Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I told him I've had enough. I can't wait around for a simple email or call anymore. I'm tired of being disappointed, hurt and frustrated. I told him that I deserve more and better than what he is giving. Good for you!
Meredith63 Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 And stay strong. It is very important to set boundaries in ANY relationship. Stick to them.
Author addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 And stay strong. It is very important to set boundaries in ANY relationship. Stick to them. Thanks Meredith....I've been trying to ask questions about setting boundries w/ MM but it just turned into a giant debate over right and wrong. I guess I'll just try this NC thing everyone keeps talking about and see how it goes. But I had to tell him how I felt first. I was hoping to at least get him on the phone when I told him but...I'm tired of waiting. If he wants to hide behind email then so be it. At least I know he's reading them. ha ha.
Meredith63 Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 and I'm sorry about that. I really think you are doing the right thing though. I just hope that you are not in NC to try to get something with him to change. It's probably best to go into it with the mindset that you are moving on. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone fabulous? Good Luck!!
Just 'nother MM Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Hi A2L, I have a question: what will you do if your MM starts e-mailing and calling you relentlessly, trying to get you not to go NC? Will you ignore him? Good luck.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I've composed several emails to MM telling him how I feel about his minimal contact. I finally sent one. I told him I've had enough. I can't wait around for a simple email or call anymore. I'm tired of being disappointed, hurt and frustrated. I told him that I deserve more and better than what he is giving. Now there you go. This is behavior from an OW/OM that I can respect. There are plenty of single people out there....and there is one for you.
Author addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 Hi A2L, I have a question: what will you do if your MM starts e-mailing and calling you relentlessly, trying to get you not to go NC? Will you ignore him? Good luck. I doubt that will happen but if it does he will get no mushy heart felt anything from me. I just can't let myself fall back into that trap. Like I said he hasn't even made the effort it would take to sustain a friendship. I have no doubt that he loves me but he should have thought of that when he threw me under the bus. I patiently waited and asked for an explaination for that. He never gave one. Just I love you, I miss you, I don't know what to do about this. He's torn I understand that but like I said..... I've got a H who ignores me and has little respect for my feelings I've finally come to realize that I have no room in my life for two men that treat me this way.
Author addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 Now there you go. This is behavior from an OW/OM that I can respect. There are plenty of single people out there....and there is one for you. I have to say that all of this "duking it out" with you and other BS's over the last day or so has helped to give me the strength to finally say enough is enough. I can't explain why. I have no intention of looking for a single person..as you know I am not single. I have no interest in dating and frankly being single scares me to death. In all honesty I really don't know how I feel about M and relationships at this moment. There have only been two men in my life that I have tried to give my heart to. Both of them chose to break it instead of cherish it. So if I am ever single again I will probably remain that way for a very very long time. p.s. I replied to your post from the "cake eaters" thread
Author addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 (((((((A2L))))))))) Be strong!!!!!!! Thanks a bunch...I'm sure you'll be hearing me whine (ha ha) when I come asking for a kick in the a$$ during a moment of weakness...but I promise I'll come here first before I break NC!
Kathleen Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 And we'll be here with a shoulder to lean on.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I have to say that all of this "duking it out" with you and other BS's over the last day or so has helped to give me the strength to finally say enough is enough. I can't explain why. I have no intention of looking for a single person..as you know I am not single. Oh. thats right...I forgot you are married too. Dammit A2L...you ruined the good feeling I had!!
Author addicted2love Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Oh. thats right...I forgot you are married too. Dammit A2L...you ruined the good feeling I had!! Too bad I was just starting to warm up to you too!
Guest Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Well done--it does take courage to do it if you are very much in love. Although finishing it by email was forced on you, (rather than face to face), it meant that you could take the initiative and go through with it without any interference from him. Years ago, I geared myself up to tell MM that the A wasn't going so it was over, and at that stage I was not a mess if you know what I mean. Well it was almost like he knew what was coming and before I could get in, he was asking me to go away for 4 days on a business trip. I wasn't expecting that and of course I fell for it and went. However, all that did was delay the inevitable parting, because every time I asked for more, he would retreat for a while, make me miss him, and then reel me back in. So many (grief filled) years later I did what you have just done over the phone (he went NC with me because he didn't want to meet me to let me say it to his face) and this time he knew there was no reeling me back in. His children are grown up, so what was he staying married for? Because he was a spineless, cake eating unreliable user and manipulator (and those are his good points)! So stay strong and do not let him reel you back in. He has to know you mean business. He will have respect for you if you step back and out of this. There have been enough postings on this Forum that make it clear that only by cutting all contact with him, will you know what he is about. Be prepared to learn that he is not about very much as far as you are concerned but at least you can get on with your life. Quite frankly being a side dish is no life in my opinion.
puddleofmud Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Hey kiddo! I am really glad that you have decided that this is now all about YOU and not... so... much... about the mere "him(s)"! HOWEVER, you had the right to arrive to that conclusion on your own, in your own way and on your own time...just as we all have that same right! It's not fun having one's head and heart messed with and we all know how that feels. Living through it is very difficult and there are no concrete answers other than the ones we find for ourselves. I wish you didn't have to bear this, but you are doing so with grace and intelligence so don't feel so badly about yourself, OK? Hugs to you!
Author addicted2love Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Thanks Puddle and guest...I was having a down moment and your words lifted my spirit...hugs to you both!
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