Tormented Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Okay - so I've spent the past 6 months crying/obsessing/wondering/hurting/questioning/and analyzing the how's and why's of my breakup. But enough is enough...time to move on. I know this, I truly do, and my heart is FINALLY catching up to my brain. Doesn't mean I don't have bad days, I do. Just not as often or as intense. Still, though, I do think about what my ex and I COULD have had under different circumstances. But they are what they are and nothing can change it. He's become the "forbidden fruit." Which, of course, makes him that much more tempting. But I've chosen to refrain from taking a bite of that fruit, knowing full well it is but poison for me, and have decided (for the first time in months) to take a browse at other trees in search for "healthier fruit." Alrighty then - so I've accepted a dinner date with a man I recently met. Yes, I know...a necessary step on the path of healing. And a part of me is looking forward to it. Will be nice to get out again, maybe have some fun. But another part of me dreads the hell out of it. I don't know...I just can't work up the enthusiasm of going through the awkward "getting to know you" phase all over again. I honestly question whether I've got the energy or even interest to go through this all over again. He seems nice enough. Has a successful business, dresses well, seems to have a sense of taste and morals. In general, he's got a lot on the ball. He outdoes my ex in just about every aspect...his verbal skills, his style, his economical status, his education, even his looks. So why is it that all I can think about is my ex???? Makes no sense - no damn sense at all, does it? But - I will dress to the teeth, smile, be charming, and TRY to have a good time. After all, it's just a date, right??? *sigh* ~T~
shockandawed Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Tormented, I understand completely. I think it is somewhat normal to feel this way, especially with the first few dates. I tried to have a few casual ones too soon and none of them stood a chance. I then met someone, who like you said, blew my ex away in nearly every category. We had two great dates and then on the third one, my ex starts texting me out of the blue and we run into the dates ex boyfriend. The night ends early, she is bummed about the ex and I am going home to call mine. Hang in there and let us know how it goes. Don't have high expectations and it just may exceed them.
Am4Real Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 But another part of me dreads the hell out of it. I don't know...I just can't work up the enthusiasm of going through the awkward "getting to know you" phase all over again. I honestly question whether I've got the energy or even interest to go through this all over again. He seems nice enough. Has a successful business, dresses well, seems to have a sense of taste and morals. In general, he's got a lot on the ball. He outdoes my ex in just about every aspect...his verbal skills, his style, his economical status, his education, even his looks. So why is it that all I can think about is my ex???? After all, it's just a date, right??? Right, it is just a DATE. Overall assessing how or why you feel this way at this time is a hard one to put a finger on as we all respond differently to new people entering our lives. For example my EX met someone shortly after we took a break from each other and got engaged within 12 weeks of beginning our break; they are living together now and when she called me (a sore point) to let me know or better say flaunt her engagement she told me she was “very happy”. Who knows what established their togetherness, was it infatuation, dependency, true love, just a rebound gone out of control, a soul mate? Many and even me have speculated their sudden “need” as a rebound with unlikely chances of success, but not necessarily so, they could have both been [highlight]"ready"[/highlight] for something permanent (even if rushed) whereas she viewed me as not being [highlight]"ready"[/highlight]. The key word is of course [highlight]"ready"[/highlight]. Then take your case, you seem to not be [highlight]"ready"[/highlight] thus ruling out any need of forming a relationship for simple comfort. This of course helps you from rebounding as well. Although you may have the EX on your mind and doing some comparison work (hopefully after the date), it may be just as simple as you acknowledging “I’m not into dating” at this time. That’s okay! Take more time to get to know yourself, you will know when you are [highlight]"ready"[/highlight],there’s no need to force anything that doesn’t feel natural. I wouldn’t worry about the pressures of having to date with the auspicious of forming a relationship; if and when you do go out with the next guy or this same person you mention think about it in terms of getting to know another human being (not necessarily a future lover). If no romantic feelings develop, be comfortable with that fact. Not every meeting or get together with the opposite sex need be a measurement about you, how you feel or where you are in the healing process with your EX. Does anyone remember what’s it like to simply go out and have fun (rhetorically speaking of course)? Good luck!!
jusified Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Hi T, its great that you are trying and is on the way of moving on. Remember, there is no time frame, take it a day at a time. Eventually you will find that you barely think about the ex and when you do think of him its more like a "eh, indifferent, i know i did my best and my life is on track and getting even better". With the new guy on a date, have fun, get to know him genuinely andyou might find that eventually you will move on. Its natural to think about someone you were in love with for so long, but hey, love is a two way thing, it also involves respect, care and support. Hope all turns out well,give everyone an update. Wishyou tebest of luck Jus
Johnny B Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 For example my EX met someone shortly after we took a break from each other and got engaged within 12 weeks of beginning our break; they are living together now and when she called me (a sore point) to let me know or better say flaunt her engagement she told me she was “very happy”. Who knows what established their togetherness, was it infatuation, dependency, true love, just a rebound gone out of control, a soul mate? Many and even me have speculated their sudden “need” as a rebound with unlikely chances of success, but not necessarily so, they could have both been [highlight]"ready"[/highlight] for something permanent (even if rushed) whereas she viewed me as not being [highlight]"ready"[/highlight]. The key word is of course [highlight]"ready"[/highlight]. !! Am4real - Are you serious? How long ago was this? How are you holding up? That is NOT what I wanted to hear from anyone. I hate these feelings of greif/torment/anger/frustration/sadness/despair When will it end???
Cossette4 Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Hey T... I feel like I've reached that "enough is enough" point too after 7 months, but I hate the "bad" days I wish when we got to this point that we could never "undo" it and it could all be uphill from here, but sometimes, even after logically KNOWING I'll be okay, I wake up in the morning and feel like sh*t. Like you, I know I wouldn't take him back, so LOGICALLY, I shouldn't really care what is going on in his life with his skank, what he thinks of me, etc. but I do. I want "outside forces" to make me feel better rather than relying on my "inside forces" of being strong enough to get through this no matter what. Like you, I can LOGICALLY look at my ex and think "What a sad pathetic loser...I can definitely do better." It's funny, too, because while we were still together during that last year, I would constantly think about breaking up with him b/c he just frustrated me with his lies, his immaturity, his complete lack of motivation or will to grow up, etc. And now with the added stuff (betrayal, coward, skank-loving) why am I not sooooo happy I'm rid of this person and soooo excited to meet someone way better? Some days I am, but other days I am just sad. I really despise that battle between "true logic" and "love feelings." If I could just get rid of my dumb emotions, I would be in such great shape. For instance, my family and friends are like, "You should find this LAUGHABLE and AWESOME that he ended up with some bisexual highschool dropout unemployed skank...if he ended up with some smart, attractive, amazing person, then you can cry but he didn't!" And that makes SO MUCH SENSE, so why can't that sense flow through me 24/7? So now that I've dwelled about myself for a few good paragraphs, I hope you have fun on your date
Double D Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Tormented, so happy for you. You go and have fun and enjoy yourself and show the lucky guy what a lucky guy he is to be in your company. You go girl!
Am4Real Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Am4real - Are you serious? How long ago was this? How are you holding up? That is NOT what I wanted to hear from anyone. I hate these feelings of greif/torment/anger/frustration/sadness/despair When will it end??? Hey Johnny B, My first/original post can be found at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110077/ ; I've been asked about it by other posters and you may find other references throughout LS but this gives you the gist of the situation. [highlight]Warning:[/highlight] it's a long post so get yourself a tell refreshement before you begin. Of special note, several LS members gave me very good comment/feedback. If your situation is similar you too may find these comments of usefulness. Please feel free to add your thoughts as well. Am4Real
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