Groovy Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I have avoided the site lately because I have decided to take caution in taking words from people who know nothing about me and I know nothing about them. But I feel a battle inside that I can't talk to many people about, partly to protect the image of people I love. I am dating someone I was friends with for a year or so. We haven't been together long but I believe he's in love with me and has already shown me he would do just about anything for me. I feel a deep connection with him that doesn't happen with me very often at all. He has a son who is 15, as I get older I get more accepting of others different life circumstances. And knowing him as a person has helped me accept the pluses and minuses. His son is a good kid but I feel is struggling because of his home life. And I know unless it's my child it's not my place to parent. Today his son got suspended from school and was already on probation. According to my boyfriend just for petty stuff. I knew my boyfriend was married to an alcoholic. But I didn't know she does drugs too. And I didn't realize how much the kid's life is affected by all of it and how severe she is in her problem. Sometimes in our dates we have to pick the son up because the mother is too drunk or high to wake up for the son who needs something or drive to pick him up. The son doesn't talk about it much but I feel he knows what's happening. The son lives with the mother and I have asked why my boyfriend has not gone to court for his son. The son live in a nice house, is neglected but not in a physicaly violent place. My boyfriend continues to have a good relationship with the ex for the sake of the kid. He has offered the kid his place but because he can get away with so much the kid does not want to leave the mother who has no ability to supervise. I told my boyfriend parenting is not a popularity contest and sometimes not the kid's choice on what happens. My boyfriend feels by going to court it will take a year and in 1 1/2 years the son will be a legal adult...so 6 months of custody after making waves. And it will distress his son to have the fighting going on while there is peace now. I know my boyfriend wishes the mother would get caught and lose the son, he has told me. When I asked why he hasn't done this he says he'd turn her in but he cares about her as someone he shared a lot with and his conscious couldn't do it. (Which I can relate to having a brother who is a convict, who I would rat out but it would kill me). He has asked I not do anything when I asked if he wanted me to secretly take care of it. I am tempted though to give a tip anonymously that uncovers it all and act like it was never me. I might lose the relationship which is fine. But is it really going to be any better for the kid?
dropdeadlegs Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I think your boyfriend doesn't really want the full time responsibility of his son or he would have already done something about this situation when he divorced his alcoholic wife. I also think his son is saying one thing (I don't want to leave Mom's custody) and his actions are saying another (I'm spiraling out of control.) Calls to Child Protective Services are anonymous, at least they are in my area. If you called they would investigate, but they really try to keep children with their parents. While I agree that this situation appears pretty dire, it would probably take months of investigating unless they can find a definite immediate danger. They are more apt to remove a young child from a parent's custody than an older one. These are just my thoughts. You are right it's a tough situation. I'm not really sure what I would do in your place. I guess I would have to see how bad it is for myself to know how to proceed.
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