Topper Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I'm a man in my 50's living in a new area. it hasn't been easy meeting people. I don't like Bars and my work place doesn't have only has 3 woman working they are all married. So I Join match. i have been getting a lot of emails and have had a few dates. Some really nice woman but so far nothing that really clicked. I get this email from one woman I check her profile and not bad. she admits that one photo is older but she felt it showed off her expressive eyes. That photo was professional photo and showed her full body in a reclining position Her other Photo wasa few week old and just a head shot from a cheap Camera phone. In the first Photo she looks average in size. In her profile she said her body type was a few extra lbs. You can see where this is going can't you? We email a few time and then we talk on the phone she is funny and quick witted She hasa sexy voice. She also drops some "cute" hints about sex. We were talking about Cooking I' am a pretty good cook and love cooking with a special someone. In that talk she says "you know you are what you eat." I'm thinking here comes the health food talk. She comes back with " So can I be you." She got my lame jokes. So today we meet after work for the first time for drinks. She is at least 350 lbs. Remember in her profile she said she was a few extra lbs. I'm a few extra lbs I need to drop 10 maybe 15 lbs. Did she think I wouldn't notice?
Star Gazer Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I was on Match a few years ago. If I remember correctly, there isn't an option for "fat" or "obese" or any of those adjectives' more pleasant synonyms. Are those options available now? If not, how else is she supposed to tell you? Did you ask her to be more descriptive regarding her figure? When you're clearly NOT a skinnnnnnnnny person, it's often difficult to determine what option to select. I could be "athletic," "curvy," "slender," "more to love," whatever, depending on the guy's definition. I'm sure she realized you'd notice, but hoped that her sexy voice and sparkling personality would win you over. Or, perhaps she's really confident and happy with herself, and honestly believes that, despite the number on the scale, she only needs to lose 10-15.
Pyro Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I just read an article online that stated that a good chunk of the people on those sites will lie about their weight and height.
Bank Robber Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 If you are considering the relationship AS more intimate OR friendly, you should just tell her how you feel. You should tell her that you acknowledge her fatness and whether you feel betrayed or not by her "figure of speech". Just be honest, it will be best for the both of you in the long run.
Star Gazer Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I just read an article online that stated that a good chunk of the people on those sites will lie about their weight and height. Yes, I'd imagine that would be true. Every guy I met online was at least 2 inches shorter than his stated height as well. Ugh.
Author Topper Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 I guess I am the exception then, I state 5' 8" and could loss a few lbs. Match does have large and a few other choices now. She is a nice person and I will be polite but frank with her. I am just to active fora woman her size I ski, hike, snowshoe, ride mountain bikes kayak. I want a woman who also likes to do those things. I do get some emails back saying I am to short for them. This is coming from woman that are 5'4" and 5'5" huh? Oh well. In college I was dating a woman who was a 5'10" swimsuit model but Kathy lies she was at least 5'11" We made a great pair her in her 4' platform shoes and me slow dancing with her my face buried between her breast. I can still smell her perfume! My male ego is healthy so a taller women is fine by me. NEXT..............
Storyrider Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 ...a good chunk of the people on those sites will lie about their weight and height. A really generous chunk, right? They should be honest b/c some men out there are actively searching for what they call Big Beautiful Women.
paris38 Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I think your post is somewhat distasteful. Yes, she did deceive you but really didn't outright lie. She is probably very lonely and it must be difficult for her to get out on the dating scene. I just think you sound rather insensitive. It doesn't sound like you drove cross country to meet her or anything, you weren't really put out. Even if she were slender, you still might not have been attracted to her. She was simply taking a chance that you might like her despite her weight. We've all met someone in person who we weren't attracted to, or maybe they had fibbed a little or weren't quite what we had made them in our minds to be, I'm sorry I just don't think it's a big deal because you're not expecting to fall in love at first site anyway if you're realistic.
Art_Critic Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 She is at least 350 lbs. I have a similar story.. mine even involved 10 year old pictures, about an extra 180 lbs of gained weight and 10 year lies about her age.. and whether she wanted kids... she was 48 in real life..
magichands Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Yes, I'd imagine that would be true. Every guy I met online was at least 2 inches shorter than his stated height as well. Ugh. Is this lying down?? Haha.
magichands Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Just be honest, it will be best for the both of you in the long run. Good to see you getting in the LoveShack spirit! Welcome.
Guest Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 when i met my gf, she told me that she didn't want to date until she lost some weight. the medication she was on made her put on a few pounds and it was right then that i knew that she was someone truly special, and had been hurt and attached that hurt to body image. throughout our relationship i have watched her gain and lose pounds, i have watcched her go from lights off, to lights on, to covering up out of the shower to dancing and singing in her birthday suit, from worring about a tummy, to letting me fall asleep while snuggling with my hand there, from thinking glasses make her look old, to wearing them when she means business, from dressing all in black, to wearing -****meboots and carrying a whip, from hiding illnesses to disclosing them and working together - the point is when someone worries about their weight, just hug them and remind them - IT IS THEM U LOVE. my gf rubs my bald spot. we are KEWL
magichands Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I just read an article online that stated that a good chunk of the people on those sites will lie about their weight and height. Dear, dear. You know better than to believe the stuff you read online... don't you, Rid?
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 i see both points of view here..yes she was wrong for not being totally upfront about her weight. yet she probably wanted u to like her and thougth that if she was more clear of what she looked like, uwould just write her off as fat and not want to see her. i have been overweight (granted not that big) and its hard because society is so fixated on women being thin. if ur not attracted to her because she is overweight than that is not a crime..honestly u have to have physical attraction to have a romantic relationship. yes u can be mentally attracted and fall in love with someone, but there will be something missing if an attraction isnt there. if u honestly arent attracted to the woman, dont go out with her. if u think she's a nice person maybe u two could just be friends. sometimes meeting people online isnt the way to go, due to not disclosing imperfections that one may have. not all online daters do this, but a lot do because they are afraid they will be less desirable to a potential date. just means they want to find someone special. so maybe try meeting women elsewhere. like a gym..u say u could lose 10 pounds, well maybe join a gym and buff up a tad!
riobikini Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 re: Art Critic: " I have a similar story.. mine even involved 10 year old pictures, about an extra 180 lbs of gained weight and 10 year lies about her age.. and whether she wanted kids... she was 48 in real life.." I have those *same* kinds of stories -only worse. Nearly every one of my experiences were so awful, that I regret EVER being on a dating site. I've paid for meals, appetizers, drinks -anything I felt would "hurry up" the meeting -just so I could politely and very graciously LEAVE sooner!!! And I often exited hoping and praying no one I knew would see me with the prospective "date"! (Smile) -Rio
Krytellan Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I have determined with much support that women will in fact report one category down... without fail. Fat will report as few extra pounds. Few extra will report as average. Average reports as slender/athletic. just know this when looking.
miss snoopy Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 My experience is men on dating sites tend to claim they're taller than they usually are, and tend to talk up their jobs. Those who are really dossing say they're musicians, artists or writers. I'm usually very honest as I have nothing to be ashamed of. However as I'm mid thirties it's easy to see why people lie - if I shaved off 5 years I'd immediately double my dating pool. Which is why real life encounters are so much better.
magichands Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Those who are really dossing say they're musicians, artists or writers. I still haven't decided whether I want to be a musician, artist, or writer. You know, it's a process of self-discovery.
riobikini Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I want to be all three. Would that make me a good date -or a bad one? -Rio
riobikini Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Look -I could entertain you with violin music, sketch you nude, and write provocative romantic stories all about *you*. Somebody'd still wind up lying about their weight, though. (Smile) -Rio
Author Topper Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 I can see how some people could see this thread as being insensitive. Maybe I am being a Azz? By the way I am one of the three professions. If you have read any of my post you can safely eliminate one of the professions.
paris38 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Also a little tip, when women write back that you are too short that is code for they don't find you attractive from your photo. Just a nice way of stating that.
miss snoopy Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Also a little tip, when women write back that you are too short that is code for they don't find you attractive from your photo. Just a nice way of stating that. True, but as I'm tall I won't respond to a shorter-than-me guy online, just my preference. Even if he's the greatest looking man. However, I have done this offline - I find I'm much less rigid in offline encounters where you get to know the person in a particular context e.g work, art class, without the whole "we're both here looking for significant others" mindset. I must add I have the utmost regard for musicians, writers and artists and do all 3 on the side (play piano, write articles for a specialist magazine and paint) But I only mention this stuff online in the hobbies section. However many men I've chatted with online claim they're one of the 3 from the outset, which often ends up meaning they have an old guitar/blog/sketchbook and are out of work.
Author Topper Posted February 9, 2007 Author Posted February 9, 2007 Miss Snoopy, Thinking back the woman I have gone out with that were taller were all woman I met in person. Paris , woman talking in code is one of those things that drive men insane!
paris38 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 that she prefers taller men? It's not really speaking in code, it's just a nice way of telling you "no, thanks." Miss Snoopy, Thinking back the woman I have gone out with that were taller were all woman I met in person. Paris , woman talking in code is one of those things that drive men insane!
Recommended Posts