If you don't like the "sharks" then why do you keep on feeding them?

[pricillia]

Look the fact is that no matter what you say you will never convince a BS that there is another side to this whole thing, never!

 

This should be place to get support and discuss the situation for those who find themselves with a "committed partner" however, most, not all relate your situation and your situation may not be similar to thier situation reguardless a BS will be harsh and tough toward your situation is connected to them or not.

 

And yes people who are in a like situation are going to share thier stories and give support when needed, that is what support and discussion means, some however may have thier opinion and are entiled to it, but it does not mean that said opinion is the be all and end all.

 

Posts like these feed the fire, I am not asking anyone to reply to start yet another debate, I am asking for all the OW to realize that you and I for that matter are considered trash in thier eyes...

 

No one wants to look to themselves as the cause of a problem or the source of dysfunction, so I say to all the OW out there ask for advice fine but stop making yourselves sitting ducks for attacks, what is the point?

 

If the shoe were on the other foot you may feel differntly, but for the most part we are in a situation that by this country's moral standards is infact immoral. There are other factors to consider because it is not all black and white but that is the reality of the situation.

 

Women love to blame other women and I am not talking about an affair I mean in general there is so much caddyness going on out there, but none the less people go through things in thier lives for different reasons, know that you can choose to help someone in a bad situation with maturity and compassion reguardless of your opinion on thier "status".

[pricillia]

Interesting how no one replied... seems that people like the place that they are in to argue and banter... heck that is what this place is all about

[Babybird]

POints taken and I agree. We do feed them and they do view us as trash.

 

Sometimes I get tired of being put down and want to defend myself even if it isn't directed at me as an individual. Being judged without being known is the hardest kind of judgement to swallow.

[pricillia]

POints taken and I agree. We do feed them and they do view us as trash.

 

Sometimes I get tired of being put down and want to defend myself even if it isn't directed at me as an individual. Being judged without being known is the hardest kind of judgement to swallow.

 

Thanks BB just wanted to keep it real

[Impudent Oyster]

I am asking for all the OW to realize that you and I for that matter are considered trash in thier eyes...

...but for the most part we are in a situation that by this country's moral standards is infact immoral. There are other factors to consider because it is not all black and white but that is the reality of the situation.

 

Why do you suppose that is? That people consider OW to be trash?

 

And please, tell us about these "other factors" that we should consider when deciding whether it's immoral to sleep with someone else's spouse. People can't consider what they don't know anything about.

[pricillia]

Why do you suppose that is? That people consider OW to be trash?

 

And please, tell us about these "other factors" that we should consider when deciding whether it's immoral to sleep with someone else's spouse. People can't consider what they don't know anything about.

 

 

Yeah no.... I really don't know what you expect me to say about the "other factors", in general nothing is black and white... End of story

 

I said what I wanted to say in original post.

[RecordProducer]

I defend them both and they both love me! Seriously!

[outofdarkness]

Look the fact is that no matter what you say you will never convince a BS that there is another side to this whole thing, never!

 

This should be place to get support and discuss the situation for those who find themselves with a "committed partner" however, most, not all relate your situation and your situation may not be similar to thier situation reguardless a BS will be harsh and tough toward your situation is connected to them or not.

 

And yes people who are in a like situation are going to share thier stories and give support when needed, that is what support and discussion means, some however may have thier opinion and are entiled to it, but it does not mean that said opinion is the be all and end all.

 

Posts like these feed the fire, I am not asking anyone to reply to start yet another debate, I am asking for all the OW to realize that you and I for that matter are considered trash in thier eyes...

 

No one wants to look to themselves as the cause of a problem or the source of dysfunction, so I say to all the OW out there ask for advice fine but stop making yourselves sitting ducks for attacks, what is the point?

 

If the shoe were on the other foot you may feel differntly, but for the most part we are in a situation that by this country's moral standards is infact immoral. There are other factors to consider because it is not all black and white but that is the reality of the situation.

 

Women love to blame other women and I am not talking about an affair I mean in general there is so much caddyness going on out there, but none the less people go through things in thier lives for different reasons, know that you can choose to help someone in a bad situation with maturity and compassion reguardless of your opinion on thier "status".

I don't regard all OW's as "trash" and I believe that I have tried NOT to give this impression. You can't lump all of us into one! If anything, I've learned ALOT from you all, including having some much needed humility and forgiveness in my heart..

[pricillia]

I don't regard all OW's as "trash" and I believe that I have tried NOT to give this impression. You can't lump all of us into one! If anything, I've learned ALOT from you all, including having some much needed humility and forgiveness in my heart..

 

 

 

Ok not meaning to lump everyone in on group, I know there are alot of women that can see another human side to this whole thing.

[tinktronik]

It's just the same argument over and over again. The BS are attacking the OW. This argument over and over with a different name . Whats the point? It just keeps the argument going.

[pricillia]

It's just the same argument over and over again. The BS are attacking the OW. This argument over and over with a different name . Whats the point? It just keeps the argument going.

 

And I am not a BS

 

No it isn't I am not blaming anyone.. and I am not asking for attacks, just making a point... and the point is that each side really is not going to come to any type of agreement there will always be sides... The point I am making to the other woman is stop giving reasons for attacts... try to become the independant woman that you once were before this all happened, before you were the other woman, empower yourself to be stronger, although if you are happy in said situation then come here for advice but don't get upset when someone does not agree.

 

Heck some women on this forum have been on both sides of the coin. sometimes by choice and sometimes against thier will but it does happen.

 

I have nothing against a BS, if I were in the same situation then I would be just as diligent if that is how I chose to be.

 

I have been cheated on so I know how it feels.

[tinktronik]

And I am not a BS

 

No it isn't I am not blaming anyone.. and I am not asking for attacks, just making a point... and the point is that each side really is not going to come to any type of agreement there will always be sides... The point I am making to the other woman is stop giving reasons for attacts... try to become the independant woman that you once were before this all happened, before you were the other woman, empower yourself to be stronger, although if you are happy in said situation then come here for advice but don't get upset when someone does not agree.

 

Heck some women on this forum have been on both sides of the coin. sometimes by choice and sometimes against thier will but it does happen.

 

I have nothing against a BS, if I were in the same situation then I would be just as diligent if that is how I chose to be.

 

I have been cheated on so I know how it feels.

No I think you missed it . We have had what 5 posts in the last 48 hours fromOW about how the BS attacks them. All of the point making ... it just starts arguments . Its the same point over and over , soon on this thread the same argument will start . BS and OW arguing .

[Can'tGiveUp]

I don't regard all OW's as "trash" and I believe that I have tried NOT to give this impression. You can't lump all of us into one! If anything, I've learned ALOT from you all, including having some much needed humility and forgiveness in my heart..

 

Just wanted to say that you are correct. Your postings are thoughtful and honest and not judgemental or vicious.

 

thank you for sharing....and I hope all is going well for you now.

[stillhere]

I agree Pricillia. Do as i have done, put the posters that you don't care for on ignore. Half of these threads i can't read (by choice!! ) because i have a few on ignore.

 

The only problem with the ignore button........if you guys quote the person i have on ignore in your post, then i see what they wrote. Doh!! Kind of counterproductive!!

 

Anyways, as i said before. There are a few BS's that i have absolutely no problems with. Those posters are not on ignore.

 

USE THE IGNORE BUTTON, it can be pretty useful!!

[pureinheart]

Look the fact is that no matter what you say you will never convince a BS that there is another side to this whole thing, never!

 

This should be place to get support and discuss the situation for those who find themselves with a "committed partner" however, most, not all relate your situation and your situation may not be similar to thier situation reguardless a BS will be harsh and tough toward your situation is connected to them or not.

 

And yes people who are in a like situation are going to share thier stories and give support when needed, that is what support and discussion means, some however may have thier opinion and are entiled to it, but it does not mean that said opinion is the be all and end all.

 

Posts like these feed the fire, I am not asking anyone to reply to start yet another debate, I am asking for all the OW to realize that you and I for that matter are considered trash in thier eyes...

 

No one wants to look to themselves as the cause of a problem or the source of dysfunction, so I say to all the OW out there ask for advice fine but stop making yourselves sitting ducks for attacks, what is the point?

 

If the shoe were on the other foot you may feel differntly, but for the most part we are in a situation that by this country's moral standards is infact immoral. There are other factors to consider because it is not all black and white but that is the reality of the situation.

 

Women love to blame other women and I am not talking about an affair I mean in general there is so much caddyness going on out there, but none the less people go through things in thier lives for different reasons, know that you can choose to help someone in a bad situation with maturity and compassion reguardless of your opinion on thier "status".

 

This is very well said Pricillia... you know, I have been hurt sooo bad in my life and have done MANY wrong things....it has been these experiences that have possibly "humbled" me....

 

When an individual says they are hurt, no matter how they got there, what right does another individual have to say that their situation has no basis for hurt?????? Because the are the OW?????

 

This particular forum SHOULD be a place to speak what is needed concerning OW, no matter what it is....if you don't like the thread, skip it, there are many other threads in this forum.

 

If an OW/OM or ex is hurting, console her/him....if they are looking for reasons to end it, help....

 

Remember, the measure you give to another WILL be given back at some point in life....

[pureinheart]

Concerning the "trash" thing.....just want to speak my mind.....

 

Having seen my friends as OW and BW's....both sides....saw in all situations the BW totally freaking on everyone in the situation, spewing every obsenity known to man....now who is trash?

 

I have seen threads where the OW stalks and torments....

 

Please forgive me...I am angry at the poor behavior....this is nothing but spoiled rotton brat, controlling and manipulative behavior....

[Curmudgeon]

Look the fact is that no matter what you say you will never convince a BS that there is another side to this whole thing, never!

 

I'm a former BS and I hope I don't come across as judgemental, angry or condemnatory because that is not what I feel. Just because I don't approve of something doesn't mean I lack the capacity to see the other side.

 

After I divorced the ex, the final straw being a second affair after I decided not to take action following the first, I purposely sought out an OW site to learn what I may have done that contributed to the ex looking elsewhere. I did so on the off chance I would one day find myself in another committed relationship and I didn't want to repeat any contributory mistakes. Of course, I thought the chances I would have a relationship were rather slim due to age and inclination.

 

In the process I learned a lot from the "other side." It still doesn't make me condone affairs but at least I can better understand their genesis in some cases.

[Jinxx]

Posts like these feed the fire, I am not asking anyone to reply to start yet another debate, I am asking for all the OW to realize that you and I for that matter are considered trash in thier eyes...

 

 

I don't really give a rats ass what people think. I am not trash -- especially in the eyes of MM. I am a confident, secure woman with real feelings just like anyone else. My relationship with MM (more like XMM these days, my decision) is nobody elses business but do realize the BS thinks differently. I'd like to know why they feel the need to defend their husbands/wifes given their "big" secret once they are discovered. I think also need to take a good long look at at thereselves and sort out as to what they did to contribute their spouse seeking comfort elsewhere.

 

As a former BS I was no different. The fight was on.... and for what..... just to see who can win the big "prize". Ex husband's OW did win the "prize". Good for her. It seems to be working for them but I do wonder every now and then if they have their own trust issues. Probably so. But their business, not mine.

 

Living a life wondering if your WS is being faithful after the affair is discovered has got to be torture.

 

In my situation, MM's wife does not know, will not ever know unless I tell her. But what would that solve -- nothing. She does not need to feel the hurt and pain her husband is causing her.

 

Perhaps the day will come when MM's wife will meet someone else and start her own affair and the shoe would be on the other foot. Wouldn't that be somethig?!

[outofdarkness]

I agree Pricillia. Do as i have done, put the posters that you don't care for on ignore. Half of these threads i can't read (by choice!! ) because i have a few on ignore.

 

The only problem with the ignore button........if you guys quote the person i have on ignore in your post, then i see what they wrote. Doh!! Kind of counterproductive!!

 

Anyways, as i said before. There are a few BS's that i have absolutely no problems with. Those posters are not on ignore.

 

USE THE IGNORE BUTTON, it can be pretty useful!!

I didn't know there was an ignore button, that's helpful!

[stillhere]

I didn't know there was an ignore button, that's helpful!

 

Sure is OOD!!! Just click on the poster's name that you don't like and click "view public profile". On the top right it says "add this poster to your ignore list" and just take it from there!!

[outofdarkness]

Sure is OOD!!! Just click on the poster's name that you don't like and click "view public profile". On the top right it says "add this poster to your ignore list" and just take it from there!!

ohhhh..ok!!! I will really check that out!! Thanks

[Babybird]

 

When an individual says they are hurt, no matter how they got there, what right does another individual have to say that their situation has no basis for hurt?????? Because the are the OW?????

 

Very well said. Because someone is the OW doesn't mean their feelings are any less real to them.

 

I can relate to both sides. My first husband cheated because we were yound, dumb, and I wouldn't put out. I could stand to have him touch me.

When my second husband cheated I was absolutely crushed. I knew we had problems but I thought we were making great effort to improve. GUess not.

 

BS is entitled to be angry. Very angry and hurt, disappointed, etc.

 

Sometimes I think people on websites forget the person on the other end is real and breathing. If you can't picture saying something to a persons face then maybe you should re-think the way your going to phrase it. Don't change your point but put yourself in their shoes. How would you want to be treated?

(I am totally guilty of forgetting the other person is real.)

 

This is also the way the OW thinks of the BW(most of the time). If I can't see her she doesn't exist. Maybe that's why is so easy to continue with the A. Hmmm..

[serial muse]

Look the fact is that no matter what you say you will never convince a BS that there is another side to this whole thing, never!

 

This should be place to get support and discuss the situation for those who find themselves with a "committed partner" however, most, not all relate your situation and your situation may not be similar to thier situation reguardless a BS will be harsh and tough toward your situation is connected to them or not.

 

And yes people who are in a like situation are going to share thier stories and give support when needed, that is what support and discussion means, some however may have thier opinion and are entiled to it, but it does not mean that said opinion is the be all and end all.

 

Posts like these feed the fire, I am not asking anyone to reply to start yet another debate, I am asking for all the OW to realize that you and I for that matter are considered trash in thier eyes...

 

No one wants to look to themselves as the cause of a problem or the source of dysfunction, so I say to all the OW out there ask for advice fine but stop making yourselves sitting ducks for attacks, what is the point?

 

If the shoe were on the other foot you may feel differntly, but for the most part we are in a situation that by this country's moral standards is infact immoral. There are other factors to consider because it is not all black and white but that is the reality of the situation.

 

Women love to blame other women and I am not talking about an affair I mean in general there is so much caddyness going on out there, but none the less people go through things in thier lives for different reasons, know that you can choose to help someone in a bad situation with maturity and compassion reguardless of your opinion on thier "status".

 

 

honestly, i feel stung by this, too - i know there are people who are insulting and rude - on BOTH sides - but i think to say things like "'they' think we're trash" is pretty insulting, too, pricillia. i've never said any such thing and never would - i think i've been respectful and just tried to present my point of view. categorizing all BS's as something ("sharks", for example) is just as bad as saying it about all OW, and that's the sort of post that ends up getting 10+ pages of replies.

 

i know that it's the squeaky wheels that get the grease, but there are plenty of BS and OW who are cool and respectful and just say their piece without insulting people. let's acknowledge them instead, and put the focus on those folks!

 

use the ignore button, as many posters have said, to avoid the individuals you think are causing the problem, whether BS or OW. it would be nice to treat people as individuals with multiple points of view, rather than make a lot of polarizing posts that always are about "us" and "them".

[Salicious Crumb]

Interesting how no one replied... seems that people like the place that they are in to argue and banter... heck that is what this place is all about

 

MM/MW, OW/OM that are looking for support to end a situation they know is wrong wouln't command any hostility I believe.

 

Its the ones that know its wrong and don't intend to stop or don't give a crap who they are hurting that gets people's blood boiling.

 

If someone has no intention of stopping...then exactly what support are they deserving of?

[pricillia]

No I think you missed it . We have had what 5 posts in the last 48 hours fromOW about how the BS attacks them. All of the point making ... it just starts arguments . Its the same point over and over , soon on this thread the same argument will start . BS and OW arguing .

 

 

Well Tink, not that I am incouraging any aruning at all, but people need to be able to write how they feel and sometimes you get support from unexpected places, and you see what someone is really thinking and feeling.

 

Some may try to start an argument but then you just read thier post and don't reply if that is what you choose to do, out of the replies that I got here if anything it gets everyone thinking and there is nothing wrong with that.