puddleofmud Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 So glad to hear from you and glad to hear of your heart-felt and most wise dealings with your particular situation. Take care and stay in touch as we are all here for you! Hugs to you!
NoIDidn't Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 waggoner I don't know if this story will help you but wanted to add it to the dialog. I had a high school english teacher that lost his W to brain cancer. While she was in and out of the hospital, she saw his loneliness and knew that she was terminal and told him to be open to finding someone new as her final hour neared. He was against it at first and asked our advanced english class about his moral dilemma. Some of us preacher's kids were aghast! This man was asking US if he could cheat!? is what we thought. But we told him it was his life to live and just to make sure that his W was serious and meant what she said fully. She did. She lapsed into a coma shortly after that conversation with him and never regained consciousness. He and his new lady friend would visit her in the hospital. He was about 59 at the time and she was a widow (a young widow, wink - wink). Even his soon to be late W's family supported his decision. He never abandoned his W. He went to see her frequently. Before he went out with his friend, they always stopped by hospital together. When his W died, she attended the funeral, but as a guest. They did eventually marry and have been so for about 15 years now. Good luck with whatever you do. This situation is far from black and white. Its great that you have a friend to support you, even if it is someone of the opposite sex. I just wanted you to know that your situation is common. Not easy, but common. Take heart.
Author waggoner Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 NoIDidn't Thanks for the straight way of telling the mellow facts. You girls must have learnt a lot from that good school. I'l put your arrow in my quiver and look at it kindly. Thanks, you are a love. Waggoner
Salicious Crumb Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 OMG, that was so heartless, the body that your reffering to is his wife, and I am sure that he has "heard of it" WTF HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SOME COMPASSION.... You must be talking about the compassion someone shows for their sick wife by already starting to date someone else.....yes, I have heard of it. It is HIS WIFE that I am defending here. She deserves his love and respect in her final days...not a husband that can't wait to get back to dating another woman before her time has past. I would NEVER do that to my wife if she was that ill.
MoonGirl Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 SC, I understand your point of view...BUT life is not black and white. This man has not abandoned his wife and he obviously still has feelings for her or he wouldn't be posting here. His wife, because of her illness, is probably not the same person this man married. She likely doesn't fulfill any of his emotional needs, she is probably unable to be a friend to him, a confidant; at this point, she is probably more like a helpless child. Spending time with her is probably very stressful and sad. This man's situation could go on for years and years. This disease is somewhat similar to having a spouse fall into a deep coma with no hope of them ever returning to consciousness. I can certainly understand why he would be seeking a companion. I also think having the companionship he needs during this time will help him to be the best, most supportive husband/caretaker he can be for his wife. I know that if I were his wife, I would be grateful that he hadn't abandoned me, and I would be pleased that he has been able to find the companionship he needs if I weren't able to provide it.
Ripples Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Actually, MG, I think that Alzheimers is far worse than a coma. The affected person can become someone incredibly hurtful. The fact that Waggoner has someone to give him emotional support through this time is wonderful, it will sustain him and enable him to give his wife the love she needs and he feels.
MoonGirl Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Ripples, I TOTALLY agree. I made the comparison because not many people would expect someone to sit around for 20 years while their significant other was in a coma. I didn't mean to downplay the hurt the affected person can cause his/her family.
Author waggoner Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Thankyou, Ripples, you have helped me a lot. We have been out for lunch now a couple of times. We enjoyed ourselves, laughed a lot. We have agreed that if we get too fond of each other we will finish what we are doing. She knows my wife and likes her very much. She is very supportive, as you knew she would be, but it is in ways that I never realised I really need. I feel calm and inspired as I make the one hour's drive home. My wife HAS benefitted. Thankyou very much. I hope your life is happy. Best Wishes Waggoner
erika2610 Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 You must be talking about the compassion someone shows for their sick wife by already starting to date someone else.....yes, I have heard of it. It is HIS WIFE that I am defending here. She deserves his love and respect in her final days...not a husband that can't wait to get back to dating another woman before her time has past. I would NEVER do that to my wife if she was that ill. You can not say with certainty that you would never do something. I learned that. He never said he can't wait to date somebody else. Alzheimers is such a horrid disease, and I wish everybody that took care of somebody with this disease had somebody to lean on. Plus, as long as he has somebody there for him, to talk to, etc., he's happy.. she benefits too.
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