Fly My Pretties Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 What about all those OWs who discover that there are other women on the side? Does that mean that the OW just wasn't meeting his needs, he wasn't happy with her and he was forced to look elsewhere? Or does he then become a d*ckhead?
Karma24 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 So since you are trying to work or your marriage and you are either in or not in therapy what was it in your marriage that went wrong? What lead to the affair? What part did you play in the marriage that the end results end up as you being the BS? How can you expect a BS to explain what led the WS to an affair? You'd have to have some special mind-reading powers to do that. Sometimes the reason is within the WS themselves; i.e. ego gratification, etc. and may have very little to do with the marriage. Once again, looking for an excuse to blame the BS. There may be reasons that led to the affair but there is no justification for it. The way I see it, if anyone is so unhappy that they would carry on an affair just end the marriage and be done with it already if the married couple is not willing to devote 100% to fixing the problems. Deciding to end a marriage even when there are children involved can be done. This "staying for the children" is BS. I know because I was able to divorce my H even though we had a child. Even though it ripped me apart inside. Because our marriage became a joke and both of us were miserable.
Impudent Oyster Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 , if a man is happy, he is not going to stray. I'm not saying he doesn't love his W, he very well could.: Read the question from the OP again. It asked what the BW did wrong, and in many cases, the answer is, nothing. It didn't ask what the MM did wrong, the answer to that is obvious.
Impudent Oyster Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Deciding to end a marriage even when there are children involved can be done. This "staying for the children" is BS. Of course it is. Also, who would WANT a spouse who's just staying for the kids? No thank you, if you want to stay married to me it's because you want to be with me, not for the kids.
Jinxx Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 How many OW here have heard: I'm just staying until the kids graduate. We stopped having sex years ago (yeah right). I sleep in the spare bedroom. She's not well so I can't leave right now. She's a bitch. She doesn't understand me the way you do. I don't love her anymore, I love YOU. I only married her because (insert reason). Yada yada yada. Sorry but in my situation, MM has been very upfront and honest with me. He still has sex with his wife, she is not a bitch, he does love her, he is not waiting for the kids to graduate and he does not profess his undying love for me.
BenThereDunThat Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 The plain and simple fact is that most men who stray are simply NOT UNHAPPY at home. They absolutely crumble when the BW finds out. He needs for the OW to believe that he is so he can keep getting what he wants from her. Does ANYone know of a man who got caught cheating and said 'you're right, I'm unhappy, let's end this charade now.' They almost never do. They may tell the OW that's what he did, but that poor BW just couldn't take it, and he's just too good of a man to leave her in this state. (ha!) What's really happening is he's begging, pleading with her, making amends, promising to NEVER do it again, agreeing to MC, IC, and whatever else so he can hang onto the life he got too arrogant about and took for granted. I'm leaving room for that all-elusive 3%, of course. So to ask what the BW did wrong, is no more fair than for people to come in here and browbeat OW's. Most of the time, they have no clue that anything is even going on. They're living their lives, status quo, hubby makes no noticeable change to his routine. Until the rug gets pulled out from under them, that is...
Anka Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Yes, I believe that. If a man is completely happy at home, he will not stray. And as I said, he can lie and say his marriage is fine, it's just for sex, etc, but that is bs. IF the man was satisfied, he would not be out looking, be it for an emotional affair, or a sexual one. Thats the dumbest thing that has been said here, and that is a leap...... So its the BS's fault? Let me tell you, everyone is responsible for thier happiness and thier actions. If you are not happy it is your responsiblity to communcate and be honest. Not go cheat and whine that you were unhappy. Jesusu Christ, grow up.
Impudent Oyster Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 But he is obviously looking to get needs met that he isn't getting at home. Simple as that. Well isn't it nice that there are women like you to provide married men with what they claim they aren't getting at home! Hey, I bet you could even make a decent living as that type of service provider.
pricillia Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Well isn't it nice that there are women like you to provide married men with what they claim they aren't getting at home! Hey, I bet you could even make a decent living as that type of service provider. STFU >>>IO...why don't you go be that for someone, as you seem do damm interested in the OW or the OM, I don't know what gender you are and I could care less, go back to your perfect doll life and stop implying that we go be a sexual provider. ... You people have not a clue on how difficult a situation like this is... yes we know men think with only one thing we know, it is absolutely impossible to think that they may actually be in love with another person... nope because they have that piece of paper that says otherwise, whatever. You gals and guys get a grip on reality, cheating and infedlity go on in the real world for all different reasons and it is one's own experience that they either grow from or let it ruin them.
LilDarlin Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Sorry but in my situation, MM has been very upfront and honest with me. He still has sex with his wife, she is not a bitch, he does love her, he is not waiting for the kids to graduate and he does not profess his undying love for me. Serious question here. Is this all you want? I mean this is what you want out of a relationship? Not to be mean, but surely you deserve more than that. Like someone who compelety adores you.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Thats the dumbest thing that has been said here, and that is a leap...... So its the BS's fault? Let me tell you, everyone is responsible for thier happiness and thier actions. If you are not happy it is your responsiblity to communcate and be honest. Not go cheat and whine that you were unhappy. Jesusu Christ, grow up. I can't believe how the original quote got misinterpreted...ALOT of men who go out and have A's are missing something in the M...that's not a STUPID thought... and you're right, it's not the BS's fault unless they ignore their spouse trying to communicate their wants and needs and fail to work on making the M work...and yep, that happens, look at the other forums on LS... No, they shouldn't go out and have A's and that is wrong of them...but for most people, if their needs were being met, they wouldn't go looking elsewhere...
Tomcat33 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 You know it's really a shame that we all come together on this site to share our experiences and also because we have suffered our share of grief and pain. When I see a thread like this I see it as just another endless means to understanding the "why's" and the "how comes" of a painful affair. Clearly all the people who are coming together her are joined by one thing in common and that is a great deal of pain. If we can't discuss this constructively in the least I would hope that we would refrain from directing all this anger to the people who are not really the ones we should feel angry with. Granted there are many situations and variations to those situations but the one commonality is that every one of those situations had a bastard of a cheater who mislead people for his/her own selfish gain. Isn't that who we should be directing our hatred towards if anything? I guess it is futile to start a thread like this because even if one felt that they were at fault or that they had done anything on their part to help the situation into what it was, they would not admit it. But are we really getting something from hurling insults back and forth to people whom had anything to do with our own personal lives or pain? I doubt it.
pricillia Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I mean honestly do all of the people who are preaching that the affair is wrong that we are servicing the MM and that he is lying about everything. You all think that we like the situation that we are in, Ill be honest sometimes it is so hard, but I mean WTF you poke and prod... for me it is more then just emotion he is in my heart... People settle for all sorts of shortcomings in relationships married single gay straight.... The OW/OM may not be living with the MM and may not have a piece of paper and for some I agree it is purely sexual... Let's hear about your perfect relationships without the troubles and issues come on I would like to know...
Anka Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 well my R is perfect. For us. We met online, lived one different sides of the country,I was M at the time, so we appreciate what we have because it was sooooo hard getting where we are. And a MP that cheats IS very much a liar.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 And a MP that cheats IS very much a liar. I don't think ANYONE here would disagree with that...
pricillia Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 well my R is perfect. For us. We met online, lived one different sides of the country,I was M at the time, so we appreciate what we have because it was sooooo hard getting where we are. And a MP that cheats IS very much a liar. oh so you can have struggles but no one else can?
Anka Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I didnt say that. Everyone has struggles. The thing is that we settle them, we dont lie to eachother.
pricillia Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I didnt say that. Everyone has struggles. The thing is that we settle them, we dont lie to eachother. So then you should have some understanding and compassion for someone that may be in a difficult situation after all we are all trying to get where we would like to be.
Anka Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I do have compassion. But you cant agree that getting where you want to be should invilved walking all over and decieving another person. People need to have some balls and stop making excuses for thier less then honorable behavoir.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I do have compassion. But you cant agree that getting where you want to be should invilved walking all over and decieving another person. People need to have some balls and stop making excuses for thier less then honorable behavoir. Didn't you just say that you were married when you met your NOW H? Who's making excuses anyways...
pricillia Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I do have compassion. But you cant agree that getting where you want to be should invilved walking all over and decieving another person. People need to have some balls and stop making excuses for thier less then honorable behavoir. ok but you said that you were married when you met your oh so perfect man... So funny how people can preach to others on how they should find a relationship that is so perfect just like thiers... What the heck do you think we are all trying to do...
Anka Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I didnt lie to anyone, and I didnt stay in a miserable marriage. I didnt stay married and make excuses for cheating.
Anka Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Pris I didnt tell you what you should do. Funny how some defend themselves for no reason. I am giving my opinion, if it bothers you that much maybe you should look into that.
pricillia Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Pris I didnt tell you what you should do. Funny how some defend themselves for no reason. I am giving my opinion, if it bothers you that much maybe you should look into that. Yeah ok I will look into it, but you were married while you met your now perfect mate and the marriage was not perfect... isn't it for better or for worse if you take so much pride in being married then why did you not try to stay and work it out????? BECAUSE NOT EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DESTINED TO MAKE IT THE FACT IS THAT SOME RELATIONSHIPS FAIL
Anka Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Or it could be that he was absusive to me and put me in the hospital while I was pregnant. Hence why I was afraid to just walk out. My OM probably saved my life. You dont have to get all bitchy because you dont like what I have to say.
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