yousaveme Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I have a question to the BS that are on here. Since you want to post questions and/or threads to get under the skin of the OW. Then I have a few for you. So since you are trying to work or your marriage and you are either in or not in therapy what was it in your marriage that went wrong? What lead to the affair? What part did you play in the marriage that the end results end up as you being the BS?
Kathleen Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 This thread is gonna start another heated argument ya know!
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Why are the questions for BS posted on the OW forum? There is a lot of upset caused by the comments some BS are making on the OW/OM threads. However, posts such as these are drawing them in to this forum. This question should be posted on the Infidelity forum as it is a question for BH/BW
Jinxx Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 As a former BS many years ago (OW now), I couldn't keep up with my ex-husban'd sexual appetite. He wanted it every day and used to get it every day until the kids came along. I was happy at 3 or 4 times a week and the passion and desire was still there after being together for many years. He needed more and I just could give more at that time. It just wasn't meant to be and he married his OW and it is what is. The grass was greener on the other side for him. And trust me, I have experienced every hurt and bitterness there is a BS goes through.
Anka Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Who wants a guy that cheats? I was BS, I got a D. These questions are [COLOR=red][FONT=serif]assine[/FONT][/COLOR]. They are in therapy to find those answers. Maybe you should ask yourself....What went wrong with you to allow yourself to become [COLOR=green][FONT=serif]involved[/FONT][/COLOR] in someone [COLOR=green][FONT=serif]else's[/FONT][/COLOR] M?
Lezbean Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Oh now thats RICH. Try and blame your adulterous affair on an innocent spouse. Does it justifying you sleeping with a married person and destroying innocent lives?
Anka Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Okay I don't know what happened to that post. LOL I can't edit it.
Anka Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 The husband that cheated destroyed those lives. People like her (no self respect, no standards) Just make it easy to do so. She is just a pawn.
Author yousaveme Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 Your right I just thought the question was more fitting here since the BW seemed to be here all the time. So as I dont want to draw them here. This is where they are. I thought about posting on the Infidelity forum but the BW arent there. Why are the questions for BS posted on the OW forum? There is a lot of upset caused by the comments some BS are making on the OW/OM threads. However, posts such as these are drawing them in to this forum. This question should be posted on the Infidelity forum as it is a question for BH/BW
Author yousaveme Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 BW ask us questions that sting. So why cant I ask questions? What good for one should be good for all. Or is this forum the BW tell the OW how they feel and what they think we should do . And we the OW just sit back and listen. Sorry didnt relieze this was one sided. Oh now thats RICH. Try and blame your adulterous affair on an innocent spouse. Does it justifying you sleeping with a married person and destroying innocent lives?
Author yousaveme Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 Again no answers just comments. Par for the course.. But you want answers from the OW when you ask us questions. HMMMM The husband that cheated destroyed those lives. People like her (no self respect, no standards) Just make it easy to do so. She is just a pawn.
Crash Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Oh now thats RICH. Try and blame your adulterous affair on an innocent spouse. Does it justifying you sleeping with a married person and destroying innocent lives? I didn't get the impression she was blaming the BS at all - she asked what happened in the marriage, what lead to it, and what part did you play. Sometimes the husband is just a lying, cheating, scum, but sometimes there might have been honest problems in the marriage caused by both people that lead to it. Jinxx, for instance, answered it in the right vain.
pricillia Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Oh now thats RICH. Try and blame your adulterous affair on an innocent spouse. Does it justifying you sleeping with a married person and destroying innocent lives? Yes and what do you actually know about said situation?
Author yousaveme Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 I was asked by a BW to ask these questions also...Sorry I had to leave some out but to the BW who wanted them asked. ( You should ask the rest yourself) Was there anything MAJOR wrong with the marriage? What did MM and BW each do to contribute to the poor state of the marriage, if it was in a poor state?
Guest Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 BW ask us questions that sting. So why cant I ask questions? What good for one should be good for all. Or is this forum the BW tell the OW how they feel and what they think we should do . And we the OW just sit back and listen. Sorry didnt relieze this was one sided. If you think you're morally on par with the BS then you are completely delusional. OK-here's your questions. Is she sleeping with your husband? Is she integrating herself by covert means into your family? Is she doing something that could disrupt your childs life? You can't seriously compare apples and oranges here. I'll admit this, though..the MM should have the balls to confront any problem in the M before it escalates to an affair or just get a D. But to throw blame that the BS is at fault when you're sleeping with her husband is deplorable. You should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting such a thing.
Babybird Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I have an idea for a post. Why is your MM cheating? Is his W a frigid, nagging witch that has no interest in anything he wants to do? Dis she stop putting out? Did he fall out of love with her? Do you want to blame your already failing marriage totally on the OW? Well we have the website for you!
2sunny Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 In my case - I am the BW. My husband knew after the first cheating period at the ten year mark, that it would be the only time I would forgive. At the 20 year mark - he did it again... and came home to the locks changed and access to nothing. Our married life was amazing. We had it all. Great family - great kids - great friends - a one and half million dollar home and others to vacation to - sex (great sex) every day sometimes several times a day. He was never happy with all of the privileges that life gave him. For example - if he bought a new car - he wanted a different one in six months. Wanted a bigger and better house. He would go shopping every day because he always needed something new. His perfect house and perfect life always needed an upgrade and more improvements. Do you know how hard it is to live with someone who will never be happy - no matter what? It is actually a relief to not worry about how to always keep him happy - each and every minute of every damn day. It has been 18 months - and you know what? As much as I miss my OLD life - I am relieved in many ways to not have the worry. Oh ya... and for you OW - he was amazing to look at - and he knew it.... women always wanted him - every where we went... they would flirt with him... they can have a lying cheat like him... to much to worry about.
Jinxx Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I have an idea for a post. Why is your MM cheating? Is his W a frigid, nagging witch that has no interest in anything he wants to do? Dis she stop putting out? Did he fall out of love with her? In my case, MM is cheating because his wife rejects his phycial needs. She is not a nagging witch (she is actually pretty nice woman) and has plenty of interest in anything he wants -- well maybe not sex so yeah I guess you could say she isn't putting out. I don't think he fell out of love with her. He still cares a great deal about her. They share similar interests, they have two great kids and good lifesyle. Does that answer your question? Every situation is different.
Babybird Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Our married life was amazing. We had it all. Great family - great kids - great friends - a one and half million dollar home and others to vacation to ... He was never happy with all of the privileges that life gave him. For example - if he bought a new car - he wanted a different one in six months. Wanted a bigger and better house. He would go shopping every day because he always needed something new. His perfect house and perfect life always needed an upgrade and more improvements. Sounds to me like he was trying to buy his happiness and it didn't work. He was still missing something (or just plain greedy). Did you realize this is what he was trying to do when you were married?
Babybird Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Jinxx: Answered my question. If directing a question at the BS will attract more of them I figured I would reverse it. Even if the MM/MW is lying there is still truth in it somewhere. There is a reason why they cheat.
herenow Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 YSM, how does this thread help anyone? The problem is that the OW start threads like this that have no where to go but in the gutter. No one is helped by the constant complaining about how the BW are being mean to the OW. I don't see the BW starting threads that say how mean the OW are to us. I have seen many BS's get dumped on and they remain consistent in how they feel and what they say because it's their opinion. If you don't like the message, then move on, but complaining about how much you don't want to hear it is ridiculous. These forums are here for people to ask for advice and others to voice their opinion and just because you don't like what someone has to say or how they say it, doesn't mean it's not a valid opinion. You may not want to hear it, but too bad, it's how we feel and there is nothing you can do to change that. No one is trying to change the OW (we all gave up on that a long time ago), they are just giving an opinion, and it's your choice as to what to do with it. To answer the original, I have always accepted responsibility for everything I do and that includes my part in any problems in my marriage or anywhere else. Both my H and I acknowledged what needed to be fixed and we have been successful in doing so. I have told my story so many times on this forum, I don't want to bore anyone again with the details. Sorry for typos, I'm in a hurry, gotta go....
Impudent Oyster Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 So since you are trying to work or your marriage and you are either in or not in therapy what was it in your marriage that went wrong? What lead to the affair? What part did you play in the marriage that the end results end up as you being the BS? I am a former betrayed spouse who is happily and successfully reconciled, so I'll bite. Nothing was wrong with my marriage, my husband admits that, even though he is handsome and very successful, he had low self-esteem and was susceptible to another woman's flattery and extreme attention. What lead up to the A? OW was a divorced friend of MINE (single mom) who started asking my H for household type of favors. He's a helpful guy. What part did I play? According to my H, none, it was all his, he accepts full responsibility. I believe that is also the key to a successful reconciliation, that, and the fact that the OW meant absolutely nothing to him other than as a vehicle to inflate his ego.
outofdarkness Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I have a question to the BS that are on here. Since you want to post questions and/or threads to get under the skin of the OW. Then I have a few for you. So since you are trying to work or your marriage and you are either in or not in therapy what was it in your marriage that went wrong? What lead to the affair? What part did you play in the marriage that the end results end up as you being the BS? Not even going to go here because I know I think who you are referring to regarding the questions...Just FYI...NOONE'S questions can sting me more then I was stung by the A...I don't mind them at all, even the questions that are obviously trying to get "under our skin" They don't seem to have that effect on me...
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I don't understand this questioning...Things seemed to have cooled off in here for a week. Threads like these are honestly pointless and end up either upsetting people or pissing them off. It's been done 100000x! And, MOST of the BS's who have posted in this section get along pretty well with MOST of the OW's too. There are some who don't, but recently it's been calm and respectful replies, for both.
Star Gazer Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Does it justifying you sleeping with a married person and destroying innocent lives? Seems to me there were huge problems within the marriage (which is the fault of BOTH spouses, generally) long before an OW/OM is in the picture. When there are 4 tons of hay on the camel's back, you can't blame the OW/OM for being the final straw...
Recommended Posts