thatmatt Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 18 months. We are both freshmen in college, she goes out of state. She had broken up with me in november, over some stupid fight, and we got back together, and then she came back for christmas, and it ended then. We were together our senior year in high school. It was a horrible year for her- she lost friends, hated school, always had to work to pay for college, and had a lot of conflict with her family. We started going out the summer before that, and for that summer, everything was wonderful. During her senior year, when she was going through all of this, I was always there for her. I went through a similar experience my first year of college, but in a lot of ways she was horrible to me. She attacked me about my friends, about so many small things, even through our whole relationship I always felt like there was something I was doing wrong, and thinking back on it, she was mad at me for a good portion of the time we were together. She would be there one second, then the next she would say she needed a break, needed space. I spent $300 on a plane ticket to see her, which is a lot of money for someone in college, and after I left, she was sad for maybe a half hour right after I left, then went back to her dream world. Everyday I felt more and more removed from her life, and the more removed I got, the harder I tried. I was two hours ahead, but I would blow off friends or stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning just to talk to her, with 8am classes the next day. But there was always something she was mad about. THe last half of the semester was really horrible for me, and she broke up with me. I felt like a weight was lifted after that, because I had been giving and giving, and sometimes got something back, but ususally got criticism or anger etc. two days later she called me saying she was so sorry, and she hadn't slept or eaten at all, and was a wreck. I took this as a sign of how much she needed me, and how important I was to her, and took her back. Next thing I know, its back to the way things were. She knew what I was going through, I was either depressed or on the verge of depression, because of her and everything else in my life at the time. When she came home for christmas, she became more loving, more there. I decided it was best to end it, because I would just fall back into needing her, and she would go back to school in a few weeks, and things would go back to horrible. Basically, at the end of all this, I feel angry. I feel used, because she revealed to me that although she was happy with me, she had considered breaking up several times senior year, and was not truly happy. Im angry because I bent over backwards to love her, and give her everything to make her happy, and was there in the worst time of her life. Then everything got better for her, and I was in the worst time of my life, and all it was was putdowns and breaks and being mad at me. I feel like I was something that was convenient for a while, and was nice to have around, but then everything else was great, and she really didn't need me anymore, and wasn't helping make it work, just yelling at me and making me feel horrible. After having been through this, it has taken every ounce of energy to stay positive and not think about all this. But there are still so many times where im this angry, bitter person, filled with hate and hurt, and it's depressing, because I used to be so happy, always smiling, just everything. Im sorry for the long post. I've dealt with these feelings in a lot of different ways, and am constantly trying to find new ways to process them.
taylor Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 You should feel angry. It's OK. You have every right. You sound like a very nice young man - loving, giving, considerate. One day you will make a wonderful boyfriend to a very lucky girl. More importantly, one day you will make a terrific husband to a very fortunate woman. Why? Because you get it. You know what love is all about. Unfortunately, you fell in love with a girl who does not love you back and who may not know what love is really all about anyways. She is selfish, immature and inconsiderate. You feel used because you were used. Your girlfriend couldn't (and still can't) see beyond her own selfish needs. She took advantage of your love, your kindness and your generosity. You, on the other hand, focused solely on her and her needs, probably at the expense of your own needs. Strong healthy relationships are give-give relationships where each person gives 100 percent to the relationship. Yours was not a healthy relationship with this girl. You gave 100+ and she gave ?????. You deserve and should expect a girlfriend to give 100 percent to the relationship because you are the kind of guy who gives back 100 percent. That girl is out there. You will find her. She will be the one who admires you, who respects you, who thinks you are special, who appreciates you, who will want to make you happy, and who will love you completely. In the meantime, take some time to be angry. Take time to heal your wounded heart. Take time to build your confidence. Go out and have fun with friends and meet other girls. In time, the bad feelings will fade and you will be able to focus on finding the right girl for you. good luck
Author thatmatt Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 Thank you! Thank you so much! It's definitly been a rollercoaster, but I've definitly been able to find myself a lot, get back into things that I love, and appreciate myself more. For the longest time I thought I was an extremely stable person emotionally, so being at the highest degree of unstable has certainly been difficult, but im slowly making the transition from focusing on her to focusing on myself.
Guest Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Taylor is completely right. I am going through a similar situation now and can now see how immature and selfish my ex-bf was. It will hurt not talking to her and seeing all the things that remind you of her, but you need to do things for yourself now. You deserve someone who can give you that type of commitment and love back and you will find her. Then you will realize that this girl didn't deserve half the time you gave her.
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