Guest Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I'm in the first couple of weeks of a "structured" separation where my wife and I are still going to counseling, basically trying to decide if we want to be married to one another. But this got me thinking, what does marriage mean to me, and what do I need in a marriage, both from myself and my partner, to make it work, long term? I know the what the "experts" think, etc. etc. But isn't this really up to the couple themselves? Shouldn't we both be trying to determine how we define marriage, what we need from each other, and if we can both "live up to the bargain'? What do you think and what does marriage mean to you?
sumdude Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I'm in a similar boat except my wife moved out 2 weeks ago without warning. We are in touch. Our issues are complex but a big one has been my drinking which I have stopped. Beneath that there are other problems too. So that question is on my mind. I've read a book where you're asked to find the "North star" of your marriage. That there are false ones that can get you into trouble. False : Happiness - no one else can MAKE you happy, you aren't always going to be happy Romance/Sex - It's part of a marriage but it's not there 24/7 no way Children - What happens if that doesn't happen for you or when they grow up and leave? True Grow old together and love Be a team Self Improvement For me it's definitely the team aspect when I really think about it. When things have been good in my marriage we really worked well together and that was super. It's an equal partnership, think about people at work or maybe sports you do well with. You can disagree and still work well with them. Obviously a marriage has many other levels. But this one stuck out for me as something that was rewarding when my marriage was working. I made mistakes in more often trying to be the boss, force decisions, control etc. Hope this is helpful. I'm in a mess too.....
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