Davis Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Ok! I've made it through one month of NC. She and her new guy were at the club the other night, but my friends only invited me after they left. So I have not actually seen nor heard from her nor seen her out with her new guy (oh except in the car a few weeks ago) Mr. "Chemistry". Lately I'm just feeling angry ... and maybe disappointed. She got drunk, cheated on me with this new guy, told me several days later and they're still together after a month. I'm still struggling to get my life moving forward and meet some women and my ex is happily on the "honeymoon" part of her relationship. It's frustrating! What's that all about?
Lovestoomuch Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Davis, you have every right to be angry. Cheating sucks. I got cheated on a few years ago and was super pissed off over it. Now I could care less. I lost a cheater, which is no great loss at all. Process your feelings, just don't let them consume you. Easier said than done, but eventually you won't care. When you start dwelling on her do something to get your mind off of her! Read a book, watch a funny movie, pick up a new hobby. I've found out that working out really relieves stress, and it's good for the body and soul. Concentrate on yourself, not the ex. Treat yourself to some new clothes, get a makeover, feel good, get yourself happy and smiling again and you'll find your energy will attract quality women to you. Be good and keep us posted on your progress!
Author Davis Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 Lovestoomuch: thanks for the support! Cheaters do suck and they're very selfish. Good point, all you lost was a cheater. I need to keep reminding myself that I lost (got rid of) a girl with a drinking problem that sleeps around and lies. You're right, that's a loss? I was trying to delete some remaining pics of her on my computer, and of course, it showed me a preview of her! Arrrgghh! I changed to icon view and got them all deleted. Great how those pics give us such a strong emotional response. I do work out, I'm a bodybuilder so I'm in the gym a lot. The first week or so I missed the gym but then got back on track. I'm trying to focus more on myself. Tomorrow I'm getting botox done again, a facial and I should go out an buy some new clothes. I'm thinking about doing "Bright Smile". I know it gets a little easier as time goes on, thanks!
Cossette4 Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Congrats on the one month! I don't know why but it just gets easier and easier the more time you put into it. Like, after not calling my ex for a month, I was going crazy...so crazy I eventually called him 3 weeks later and then had to start ALL over again. But then once I re-did NC and it started turning into 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, and now 5 months of not speaking to him, it's so easy b/c I know I would NEVER break such a huge streak (I think it's like dieting or working out...sucks at the beginning but then you never want to break the habit once you've been working so long at it). I know it's sucky to think she's with some guy just loving life b/c that's exactly what my ex is doing with some skank--since a week after we broke up (so 7 months now). To help me feel better, I take two approaches: 1. Remember that EVERY relationship is realllllly awesome for those first few months or even that first year! I remember making jokes with my ex at 6 months in our relationship like "Haha isn't it funny we never fight? Eeehehe..love you!" 5 years later we were fighting every 2 minutes. Haha...so don't worry if it seems like they are some Disney couple, because that will allllll change soon enough. 2. Who gives a **** anyways (my *'s could be so many different swear words...take your pick), because they suck and they can't handle being alone. We, on the other hand, will just grow stronger and really process and deal with the breakup, and then we will get to have our cutsey hunnymoon stages with the new people we date, and when that stage is over, we will actually have some substance and wisdom to bring to the relationship (having become stronger, wiser people) whereas our ex'es will just be repeating the same old stuff with everyone they meet.
Sand&Water Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 RE: One month No Contact. Great work, Davis. In no time, you'll be up to 6 months. Don't worry too much about her track and luck in the relationship/dating world because sooner or later she will get her fair share of karma. Keep busy, and think positively. Regards, Sand&Water
sunangel Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 The more you think about her, the ex , and what their doing.... The longer your gonna take to get over her. You have nothing to loose or worry about because SHE is the one who messed up big time by cheating on you! Trust me... thank your lucky stars she's no longer around. I am a strong believer that we attract who we are. Your a good person and a good girl is gonna come your way. Have PATIENCE & Good Luck!
Author Davis Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 Cossette: thanks! This is the second time she has done this to me (i know, shame on me). The first time I spent about six weeks drinking everyday. It was about the sixth week I was doing better and starting to get focused on my business again. Then I ran into her and she started emailing me. I bought her bs about that she made a mistake, had changed, etc. I know that one month doesn't seem long in the big picture, but it has been a little easier. And no, I have not been drinking everyday, just one or two days a week. I'm looking forward to hitting the six week mark, cause I think I'll start feeling a lot better by then again. Hey Cossette! Aren't you the one I was telling on another thread just a week ago that I doubt your ex and his gf are in "happyvile"? haha! Sand: thanks! I have no intention of ever having any contact with her again. If I see her in public, I no longer know her. Ha! Six months and I'll be on easy street! I'm sure she will repeat the same cycle. She will get bored, be unable to have an intimate relationship, will line up some other guys and fck around on him. OR, he's a player, so maybe he will cheat on her. I've been told on here not to wish her bad Karma, but I hope Karma works and it comes around.
Author Davis Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 The more you think about her, the ex , and what their doing.... The longer your gonna take to get over her. You have nothing to loose or worry about because SHE is the one who messed up big time by cheating on you! Trust me... thank your lucky stars she's no longer around. I am a strong believer that we attract who we are. Your a good person and a good girl is gonna come your way. Have PATIENCE & Good Luck! Hey Sand, thanks. Arrghhh! I know, I'm trying not to think about her, but I hate that B***tch and it makes me mad that she burned me! I'm glad she's gone. Now I have found out she has slept with four guys in the six months that we were on and off ... all without any protection cause she's fixed! "we attract who we are" ouch! does that mean i'm a no good, lying, cheating slut? I thought she was a nice girl. My friends loved her. The first time I was in a suspicious situation with her and I thought she was cheating, I walked and I should have stayed walking. I ignored the red flags and she sucked me back in. I think I'm a good guy. I could have cheated on her with my ex and she would have never known. I made the choice that I did not want to behave or live that way. I've made lots of bad choices with picking women. I'm trying to improve myself, change my habits and not get involved with the same type of women anymore. I hope a good girl comes my way .... I'm long over due!
Cossette4 Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Haha yes that was me That's what's nice about this forum, I think--it's much easier to see others' situations more clearly than your own. When I read someone else's story, I am sure they will get through the hard times and be much better off, even when it's hard sometimes to see the end of the tunnel in my own story.
shockandawed Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Davis, Congrats on the one month mark. I am very envious. You have advised me to get off this dang rollercoaster and I keep seeing her crack. Well guess what, I am the only one cracking. Geez....I will learn. It's not that you are a bad person to attract her. I was married to someone for 18 years that honestly, was pretty well put together. Level head, low temper, genuinely nice person. Our divorce was nothing compared to this. My ex fiance has lied to me several times in our relationship, put me down more than I care to remember and is extremely moody. Has very childish communications skills as well. Yet, I am hooked like I can't believe to her. Very embarrasing to say the least. Again, congrats man, show the rest of us the way out of this.
Author Davis Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 My ex fiance has lied to me several times in our relationship, put me down more than I care to remember and is extremely moody. Has very childish communications skills as well. Yet, I am hooked like I can't believe to her. Very embarrasing to say the least. Again, congrats man, show the rest of us the way out of this. Shock: bro, don't be a "Captain Save-a-ho"!! Some of us guys are drawn to these "wounded" women. There's no changing them nor saving them. Believe me, you're "hooked" for all the wrong reasons .... maybe sex, looks, drama, fear of being alone, etc. Re-read what you just said above. If I wrote that to you, would you think that she was a together woman that I could have a good relationship and future with? The only "way out" that I know of is NC. I know you have been hoping and wanting to work it out with her. If you look at it, she's not a great catch is she? I'm not really sure if she's "cracked" at all. I think these women like to play with our minds; either because they can or they want to feel less guilty. Regardless, YOU will be the loser because they have no intention of working it out with you nor are they able to do so. Go back to NC. Stick with it. Get it in your mind that your are DETERMINED not to let her mind fck you and you will not give her the satisfaction of thinking that you are pining away for her. All you have left is your pride and your diginity at this point. Do NC and at least you can feel good about walking away with that!
IThinkIllGoToBoston Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 1. Remember that EVERY relationship is realllllly awesome for those first few months or even that first year! I remember making jokes with my ex at 6 months in our relationship like "Haha isn't it funny we never fight? Eeehehe..love you!" 5 years later we were fighting every 2 minutes. Haha...so don't worry if it seems like they are some Disney couple, because that will allllll change soon enough. 2. Who gives a **** anyways (my *'s could be so many different swear words...take your pick), because they suck and they can't handle being alone. We, on the other hand, will just grow stronger and really process and deal with the breakup, and then we will get to have our cutsey hunnymoon stages with the new people we date, and when that stage is over, we will actually have some substance and wisdom to bring to the relationship (having become stronger, wiser people) whereas our ex'es will just be repeating the same old stuff with everyone they meet. Cossette - Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! you are so right and that is so what i needed to hear in my situation -- so much so that I might print it out and carry it with me in case i need a little kick in the rear to stop myself from feeling bad and wondering about my ex. Also -- do we have the same exboyfriend?!? haha your situation sounds like it must be similar to mine... Davis, I am in the same boat as you. I wish I had useful advice for you, but we're in the same situation so I'm looking for the same answers you are :-( but keep your head up... I bought a puppy to bring a little brightness into my life after the whole breakup and my ex immediately getting a new girlfriend, and I gotta tell you -- its so nice seeing that little furry "i love you unconditionally always and i'm a super good snuggler and i'm SO excited to see you" face every time i come home. Very therapeutic!
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Hey Davis - That sucks that she cheated but believe me - the "happiness" you see with her new 'relationship' is not going to last. It won't be very long at all until the crash and burn. Just beware that this could send her straight to you with the "I'm sorrys" after all, she knows it worked once. Sadly this usually happens when you are starting to feel like your old self - more confident and sure of yourself. It just comes out in how you carry yourself, etc. And confidence is always attractive. I was a girl who ripped a lot of guys apart in my younger days. I wasn't a cheater but I'd break up with a guy once he was stuck. Then I'd miss them and reel them back in. It sucked - I am sorry for it. I don't know how old this woman is but if she is in her 30s she is permanently disabled - emotionally handicapped and morally bankrupt. You dodged a huge bullet there. Just imagine if you'd married her and had kids? Ugh. Then to have her lie, cheat, and play games with you when you couldn't just cut and run...torture. You say you are ready for a good girl -- I hope one comes to you but honestly, did you see red flags that you ignored with this one initially? When you first met her? If so, you need to pay attention to those not look past them. As long as you don't get hung up with another girl who has problems, a nice girl will find you.
Cossette4 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Boston, you are quite welcome. I know I copy a ton of advice I get on this forum into my journal and re-read it when I am having a tough day;)
Author Davis Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 the "happiness" you see with her new 'relationship' is not going to last. It won't be very long at all until the crash and burn. Just beware that this could send her straight to you with the "I'm sorrys" after all, she knows it worked once. Sadly this usually happens when you are starting to feel like your old self - more confident and sure of yourself. It just comes out in how you carry yourself, etc. And confidence is always attractive. I was a girl who ripped a lot of guys apart in my younger days. I wasn't a cheater but I'd break up with a guy once he was stuck. Then I'd miss them and reel them back in. It sucked - I am sorry for it. I don't know how old this woman is but if she is in her 30s she is permanently disabled - emotionally handicapped and morally bankrupt. did you see red flags that you ignored with this one initially? When you first met her? Hey Island Girl! Thanks. I sorta hate to say it, but I hope her new relationship "crashes and burns" soon. I hope she doesn't come back to me with the "I'm sorry" routine. I don't think she will cause I busted her out on her cheating this time so she has no excuse. I have no intention of forgiving her either because I doubt she will ever be truly remorseful and sorry for what she did. I have nothing to say to a person like her. You're right. That's what happened last time. Just as I was getting my confidence back after six weeks of NC, she saw me and started contacting me because she's physically attracted to me (or she had to have me to jump ship from her current man). Over the months she erroded my confidence and my self esteem because of her cheating and lying. Then she complained that I wasn't very confident! Fck! No sht! Cause she cheated on me and dumped me once and she was lying again and not trustworthy! She's 35 and already has 3 kids!!! She has been acting like she's still 19 and has been doing this for years. Apparently she has ended all of her relationships this same way. She always has another guy "wrapped up" before she breaks it off with another. I could have seen if I married her, I would be the responsible, stable one raising her kids "the right way". All while she was out lying to me and cheating on me behind my back. YES!! There were many signs and flags even from the beginning. I THINK I have learned that when I see those flags again, I have to bail even if I might not want to! I knew "of" her for many years through friends and her parents. I THOUGHT she was a good girl. I gave her too many chances. When she was fooling around with another guy during Thanks giving, I had one and a half feet out the door. I should have left for good at that point. But I kept thinking that she was a good girl and it would all straighten out. Now I know she's actually a very skilled professional cheater, liar and relationship jumper. She's got all the right answers and lies for everything.
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