Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 What are your rules/guidelines on chemistry? Must you feel that za-za-zoo and butterflies for the person from the get go, or do you allow for additional dates for those passionate sparks to develop? Have you ever been able to actually convince yourself of those feelings for someone you know you should have them for but don't at first?
alphamale Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Have you ever been able to actually convince yourself of those feelings for someone you know you should have them for but don't at first? Nope....chemistry is either there right at the beginning or its not. You can't "create" it over time. You'll know within the first few minutes of meeting someone new.
blind_otter Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 What are your rules/guidelines on chemistry? Must you feel that za-za-zoo and butterflies for the person from the get go, or do you allow for additional dates for those passionate sparks to develop? Have you ever been able to actually convince yourself of those feelings for someone you know you should have them for but don't at first? Chemistry has to be right there from the beginning. I demand the "za za zoo" feeling from the get go. If that's not there, sorry charlie.
Sand&Water Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 RE: Chemistry has to be present from the start. It is like a teeter-totter (sp?), balances things out. You start with 100/100 -ideally, the way you perceive the other person. Over time, it goes below 100. But IF chemistry is strong, it should stay around 85-99/100. Sand&Water
Woggle Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I am not a big believer in chemistry. I ake a very logical approach in relationships and I weigh the negatives and positives. It is much better way of looking at relationships than going off of feelings that ebb and flow over time.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Okay, but what about if you're friends with someone - legitimately platonic friends - for yeeeeeeeeeeears, and then one day think, "ah ha!" Isn't that possible? (I hope...)
tanbark813 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 There have been times when I've allowed for additional dates with a girl for whom I didn't initially feel that spark just to see if it would develop but in all cases it didn't. She must make my nuts tingle from the get go.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 She must make my nuts tingle from the get go. LOL! Is that what "chemistry" feels like for a guy??
Topper Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Yeah you can have that instant spark. But chemistry can also build over time. Lets say you have a co worker you work together. You get friendly. but there isn't anything like romantic feeling going on. A few mouths down the line you start noticing that she isn't at all unattractive. You notice that she seems to be noticing you more. Your now looking more forward then ever to lunches with this friend. You now think she is Cute as all get out. She seems friendlier. She seems sexier. After work over cocktails your thinking damn why didn't I ever notice how hot she really is? On Friday night you again meet her for drinks The two of you end up at her place and yeah the Chemical reaction is over whelming. Monday morning your both too embarrassed to even look at each other.
lindya Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I wouldn't write someone I liked off just because I didn't feel an instant va-va-voom for them. Some days you're just more receptive to that feeling than others, and not feeling immediate sexual attraction to someone might have more to do with your state of mind/circumstances at that time than it has to do with them personally.
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I have to have the va va voom feeling from the get go.. In relationships where I didn't they just petered out after a bit and you wonder why you are with this person.. Spark all the way...
tanbark813 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 LOL! Is that what "chemistry" feels like for a guy?? If she's doing it right.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Yeah you can have that instant spark. But chemistry can also build over time. Lets say you have a co worker you work together. You get friendly. but there isn't anything like romantic feeling going on. A few mouths down the line you start noticing that she isn't at all unattractive. You notice that she seems to be noticing you more. Your now looking more forward then ever to lunches with this friend. You now think she is Cute as all get out. She seems friendlier. She seems sexier. After work over cocktails your thinking damn why didn't I ever notice how hot she really is? On Friday night you again meet her for drinks The two of you end up at her place and yeah the Chemical reaction is over whelming. Monday morning your both too embarrassed to even look at each other. Okay, see that's exactly what I'm talking about...
Lauriebell82 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 i think u gotta have it..yeah there is mental attraction and compatability and all that but i think u have to have the spark def.
LN99 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Yeah you can have that instant spark. But chemistry can also build over time. Lets say you have a co worker you work together. You get friendly. but there isn't anything like romantic feeling going on. A few mouths down the line you start noticing that she isn't at all unattractive. You notice that she seems to be noticing you more. Your now looking more forward then ever to lunches with this friend. You now think she is Cute as all get out. She seems friendlier. She seems sexier. After work over cocktails your thinking damn why didn't I ever notice how hot she really is? On Friday night you again meet her for drinks The two of you end up at her place and yeah the Chemical reaction is over whelming. Monday morning your both too embarrassed to even look at each other. I agree with this. Yes, sometimes there is just instant chemistry and then sometimes it just hits you after knowing the person for awhile. Its just one of those things that has to come with time. You can't force it and you can't fake it. It either happen eventually or it doesn't.
Porn_Guy Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Yes, sometimes there is just instant chemistry and then sometimes it just hits you after knowing the person for awhile. and I would estimate that ratio at around 95% to 5%, respectively. Obviously the latter doesn't happen too often so really its importance and frequency is very low.
Krytellan Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 If I don't feel any desire fr the woman by the end of the first date then I'm out. Why waste time?
Author Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 If I don't feel any desire fr the woman by the end of the first date then I'm out. Why waste time? Okay, I'd agree by the end of a DATE, but I'm just talking about requiring instant chemistry as soon as you MEET someone? Aren't you the same guy who said once you open your mind to people you wouldn't normally date you're able to find love?? Or are you just open-minded when it comes to pulling hair?
VinaAmez Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Yeah you can have that instant spark. But chemistry can also build over time. Lets say you have a co worker you work together. You get friendly. but there isn't anything like romantic feeling going on. A few mouths down the line you start noticing that she isn't at all unattractive. You notice that she seems to be noticing you more. Your now looking more forward then ever to lunches with this friend. You now think she is Cute as all get out. She seems friendlier. She seems sexier. After work over cocktails your thinking damn why didn't I ever notice how hot she really is? On Friday night you again meet her for drinks The two of you end up at her place and yeah the Chemical reaction is over whelming. Monday morning your both too embarrassed to even look at each other. I agree too. But mostly I have to feel something.
Arianna72 Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 There was a similar post to this a while back I think. I also think there are two kinds of chemistry. The kind you feel when you initially meet someone and think "Wow", obviously that kind of chemistry is either there or it isn't. However I have been friends with the guy I am currently seeing for 13 years and I never had any kind of "Wow" feelings for him. I always thought of him as just this great, sweet friend who I was not really attracted to at all. Then one night a friend of mine pointed out to me what a great guy he was and suggested I "explore" what might happen. As soon as I looked at him in a different light it was even better than that instant chemistry thing, and the first time he kissed me. WOW!! We have incredible chemistry together. So I think it all depends on what you are looking for to an extent with someone as well.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Okay, I'd agree by the end of a DATE, but I'm just talking about requiring instant chemistry as soon as you MEET someone? don't you remember in high school chem class SG? you'd mix two things together and there would be smoke or a bang or bubbling along with the expenditure of energy. that is chemistry...and its instantaneous. otherwise it's just a boring slow reaction...
serial muse Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I generally vote instant chemistry; in cases where the date was pleasant but no chemistry, but I gave it a chance anyway, it just never happened at all. Very disappointing. I do think, though, that the chemistry doesn't necessarily have to be BANG from the moment our eyes meet, but can be more of a prospective, bubbling simmer at first (so that I'm still not sure if BANG will ever happen or not). As long as the undercurrent of possibility is there. But I think that it had better be cooking by the third date, or it's not going to happen.
riobikini Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 In my own experience, I have found that "chemistry" can *lie* to you. (Smile) I don't think it's all about "chemistry" as in the continuous Fourth-of-July kind of "rockets red glare/bombs bursting in air" kind of fireworks. A little of the right kind of excitement, though -and intrigue- maybe, a good dose of "smarts", good looks, and a few other choice traits I, personally, find admirable and attractive -and you can call it "chemistry" or just about anything you like, as long as it's something that is not contrived, and is going to last. I think it's a combination of what you *feel*, combined with what you *know*. -Rio
Krytellan Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Okay, I'd agree by the end of a DATE, but I'm just talking about requiring instant chemistry as soon as you MEET someone? Aren't you the same guy who said once you open your mind to people you wouldn't normally date you're able to find love?? Or are you just open-minded when it comes to pulling hair? My you're getting sassy. What, do you have a crush on me or something? Anyway, I have not contradicted myself, though you may think I have. I am open-minded, and I do sometimes go forward despite my initial thoughts. To use my current gf as an example: I met her for dinner. She was absolutely beautiful, great to look at, amazingly intelligent and classy, and has the same entertainment interests as me (e.g., loves Evil Dead and MST3K). However... bigger butt than I have ever liked. I decided to go forward despite the butt thing, and love ensued. Normally perhaps, the butt would have made it a no-go as it is high on my list of importance... shallow, I know. But am I not redeemed by the fact that I acknowledged the butt was not the end all?
IWalkAlone Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I don't trust chemistry... It draws me to women who are anavailable or even married, or who are not compatable or have no romantic interest in me. It leads to painful rejection, a desire to stalk, and feelings of loss over somewhing I never really had. Instead I look for areas of compatability. I look for women who are reasonably attractive who share common interests, and who are intellectually, sexually and spiritually compatable with me. And I try to keep somewhat emotionally detached until I know she likes me.
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