alasia Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Omg...I went over to Rugeley (where my ex lives) today, as he told me on the phone last night that a parcel for me had been delivered, and was at the post office by his house. Went over to collect it but they said I needed the card that was pushed through his door as I didn't have any ID on me. I knocked my ex's door to collect the card and he let me in and we chatted a bit (just random stuff) then stupidly, I tried asking about us again...trying to get answers. He said he's happy on his own, doesn't want a relationship (with anyone) or anyone living with him. He said he hasn't had any feelings for me for a while, he just snapped one day and realised he couldn't live with me because of the arguments and stuff. He also said "I haven't got loving feelings for you" when I asked what feelings they'd been he said "I don't know, mate ones? I'm not sure". Not sure if that means he has still got those mate feelings seeing as he was using the present tense whereas I was using past...but whatever. Anyway...went to collect the parcel as he got ready for work, but the PO was shut for another hour. Phil offered to give me a lift into stafford so I could go home, and I asked him to collect the parcel for me and put it on one of the buses for me to collect it sometime. In the car I asked MORE questions and got pretty much the same answers. I even asked if he'd want to be f**k buddies and he said no. I took that as him saying he was repulsed by the thought of sleeping with me or something, and he said it wasn't that, it's just he doesn't want sex. With me or anyone. I went home, then texted about 30 mins ago basically offering myself on a plate! Said I'd be in Stafford later anyway and we could go to his after he'd finished work, have sex then I could go home afterwards. I said it would be easier now there are no feelings involved. I really thought he'd do it, because he slept with me twice last week; what's the difference now? Anyway at the end of the text I'd asked if I'd seemed desperate and apologised, and he replied "yes. Enjoy stafford tonight". I phoned him to ask if he really thought I was desperate and he said no, but I'm nuts. I apologised, said I just wanted to be friends and he said he'd said "I said we could be friends and you didn't even want that!" then hung up on me. I sent one more text saying sorry, I was wrong to act like that and that I hoped we could become friends in future but it's up to him,. He replied a few mins ago, saying "mates it is. I don't like it when you act like a slut". My reply was to say sorry again, and that I don't want him to think I'm really like that, I've just never split with anyone I loved before and am handling it badly. I said I will get over it and apologised again, and he replied "that's ok". I've messed it up...any chance of us being friends and I've ruined it, now he thinks I'm a psycho, a stalker and a slut! By the way; I asked him on the phone what he meant by mates - if he means like with his last ex Michelle, where if he sees her on the bus they'll say hi but that's it, and he said "something like that, yeah". To me that's not friends, that's aquaintances...
Arianna72 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I have followed several of your posts and it seems to me that each time you make a point to see him or call him you end up saying or doing something that you later regret. The best advice I can give you at this point is to try and go for one full month without contacting him at all. Don't get on his bus, don't go to his house, don't call/text nothing. After the month see how you feel and if you still really even want this guy in your life, I know he will be to an extent because of the pregnancy.. but if I were you I would let him determine how involved he wants to be with the child you can't force him to want to be with you nor unfortunatly can you force him to want to be a father.
Author alasia Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I know...I just don't think things through.
Arianna72 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Just make a commitment to yourself not to contact him at all... try writing in a journal about your feelings during this time. Maybe after a month of not contacting him and gathering your thoughts if you decide you still want things to somehow work out you will be in a better place to approach things.
Kamille Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Alasia, you need to take control of yourself. Right now you are giving it all up to him, perhaps because you believe that the only way for you to feel in control of your life again is if you get him back. You will never get him back if you keep going like this, that's for sure. No, the only way for you to even have a slim chance of getting him back, you have to take control of yourself. Focus on yourself. Make yourself feel powerful. Answer this question: when you were a kid, what activities did you do that made you forget about everything else? was it painting? singing in the shower? doing physical activities? Whatever those activities are : do them! Get a hobby. Pick up baby books. Do something good for yourself that you've always wanted to do but never done. Be as good to yourself as you can be! Spoil yourself. I know it might be hard for you to take your focus away from your ex. I believe we actually train our brains to think a certain way - and we get 'addicted' to the people in our lives, especially to our significant others. You have to train yourself not to think of your ex so much. Certainly, you have to stop getting in touch with him.
Author alasia Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 Well, after what he said last night (he phoned me) I can officially rule out ever getting back together! Whenever I've asked him in the past few days if he has any feelings for me, he comes straight out with "no. I don't!". He means that, I can tell. There's no emotion on his face at all. I asked him last night to please use protection with his next girlfriend and he said "why should I?!". Then went on to say the next woman he "chooses" will be nearer his age, so he doesn't have to worry about getting them pregnant. He also said that if all four of his childrens' mothers claimed child support, he would have stopped working. Oh - and he basically cheapened the entire relationship (IMO) when I said he went back to his last ex 6 months after they split, and he'd never have done that with me - he said "well I was with Nic for 3 years...". So our measly 5 months didn't matter. He made me feel sick with the comments about the child support and condoms, and even worse when he said although he seems uninterested in the baby now, he might change his mind when it's born. Although he still can't say how involved he wants to be; when I ask he just says he doesn't know, and depends how I am at the time! Course I still care about him and would like to try getting back together, but he says there's no chance. He means that, right? Anyway I will try and focus on myself, and I promise I'm not contacting him again.
lorr Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 You are really unbelievable! Sorry to say this, but I now see why your ex treats you the way he does. He sees you as a big time fool and you still continue to get sucked in. If anything I strongly believe that you are definitely a psycho and a stalker. All the good advice that people have given you here, and you still go ahead and contact him even though he has threatened you with court action. It seems that you are asking for more trouble, and for someone who is 24 years old, you certainly don't behave and act like one. The only way this will end is when he gets sick to the back teeth of you harassing him, and he decides once and for all to get a restraining order out on you. Thats the only way you will learn...
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