CMGryll Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I'm trying to understand whats up with this guy I know and thought maybe you guys could help me understand. There's this guy who works at the same office complex as me (different company). He struck up a converstion one day when we were in line for coffee and later when we'd see each other around during lunch breaks,etc. He's nice & fun to talk to, but not the sort of guy I usually date. Anyway, he invited me to lunch and I went, and we had a good time talking over lunch. Last week we had a second lunch date, and that's when he invited me on Saturday evening date. Well like I said, I'm not into him that way, so I told him I was busy (I already told about the breakup with my last boyfriend last fall, so I couldn't tell him I had a boyfriend). Then he says "Are you really busy, or do just don't want to go?" I told him that I thought he was a sweet guy, but I like him just as a friend. After a brief awkward silence, he changed the subject to movies. When I saw him the next day outside of the office, he didn't say "Hi." He pretended not to see me. Yesterday I saw him again, and at first he ignored me again. I asked him what was the matter, and he says "Nothing, I just have enough female friends already." So what's up with him? What's the matter with being friends? Is he being the jerk or am I?
unsafe Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 To me it sounds like he was interested in you in one way. Maybe he likes you to much to "just be friends". That is hard when you really would like to date someone and they don't feel the same way. I mean he barely knows you. But he obviously is interested in you that way, and maybe you hurt his pride. I would just back off if you aren't interested. Don't force him to be "just your friend". If he decides he wants to "just be friends" he'll let you know when he sees you around. But let him recover from the rejection first.
IWalkAlone Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Anyway, he invited me to lunch and I went, and we had a good time talking over lunch. Last week we had a second lunch date, and that's when he invited me on Saturday evening date. Well like I said, I'm not into him that way, so I told him I was busy (I already told about the breakup with my last boyfriend last fall, so I couldn't tell him I had a boyfriend). Then he says "Are you really busy, or do just don't want to go?" I told him that I thought he was a sweet guy, but I like him just as a friend. After a brief awkward silence, he changed the subject to movies. When I saw him the next day outside of the office, he didn't say "Hi." He pretended not to see me. Yesterday I saw him again, and at first he ignored me again. I asked him what was the matter, and he says "Nothing, I just have enough female friends already." So what's up with him? What's the matter with being friends? Is he being the jerk or am I? First of all, when you said you were busy, you lied to him. Then you said you wanted to be just friends. To guys, this is an insult, because it says to them they while they may be fine for a weekday lunch, they're not good enough for a Saturday evening. He said "I already have enough female friends." This makes me think he hears this a lot from women he's like to date. So what is it about him that makes him "just friends" material?
Lauriebell82 Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 i think u should just give him some space. i mean how would u feel if some guy u really liked didnt feel the same way about u and suggested that "u just be friends". i know i would be a littel hurt and rejected so it would be kind of hard to be friends with someone who did that. u did lie to him also, so he probably doesnt trust u a whole lot. just let it go, u already told him the truth so let him recover and dont push him.
Moai Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I don't understand why you want to be friends in the first place. He was into you, you told him that you aren't into him, so he moved on--and good for him. Why can't you just leave him alone and let him live his life? His comment about having enough female friends is probably accurate. One is usually enough, so if he has one that is all he needs. What he wants is a girlfriend, and as I said, you made it clear that he has no shot with you. What do you hope to gain out of a friendship with this guy? I'll never understand women about this. You don't want to date him, but you want to hang around with him. For what? What do you get out of friendship with makes that you don't with women? I get everything I need from friendships with men, so I don't need or want women friends (although you just seem to pick them up as time goes on).
VinaAmez Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 He doesn't want anymore female friends. He WAS looking for something more and seen that in you. But if your not into him then your not. But don't take it personal. I've had that happen to me before, except they were guy friends. That really make it akward and I felt sooooo bad to tell them no. I just didn't see them as anything more. Guess one of them wasn't to heart broken because he had a girlfriend the following week. Shesh...
Sand&Water Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 RE: He wanted you badly, CMGryll. He chased after you, but then you dropped a bomb on him. That pretty much ended everything. It would be hard for him to simply be a friend: Men can't easily turn off their va-va-voom switch. Actually, I am quite thrilled, he took that rejection nicely. Other men would have blown it in your face. Move on. Sand&Water
VinaAmez Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I'll never understand women about this. You don't want to date him, but you want to hang around with him. For what? What do you get out of friendship with makes that you don't with women? I get everything I need from friendships with men, so I don't need or want women friends (although you just seem to pick them up as time goes on). I had a couple of guys tell me pretty much the same thing. And I can never understand men as to why they can't have female friends. Maybe it's a female thing. I find them interesting. I'm always picking my guy's brain for something. I have friends from both genders and yes I have lost some guy friends because over time they ended up being attracted to me. That's why I keep the ones I have that are not attracted to me and don't try to pick up anymore.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I don't understand why you want to be friends in the first place. He was into you, you told him that you aren't into him, so he moved on--and good for him. Why can't you just leave him alone and let him live his life? His comment about having enough female friends is probably accurate. One is usually enough, so if he has one that is all he needs. What he wants is a girlfriend, and as I said, you made it clear that he has no shot with you. What do you hope to gain out of a friendship with this guy? I'll never understand women about this. You don't want to date him, but you want to hang around with him. For what? What do you get out of friendship with makes that you don't with women? I get everything I need from friendships with men, so I don't need or want women friends (although you just seem to pick them up as time goes on). Yes, why would you want to be friends with him in the first place? To boost your ego because you know he likes you? You barely know the guy. If you had lunch with a female coworker twice and she dropped off the planet, you wouldn't WANT to be friends with her...so the only difference here must be the ego boost.
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