JA2 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I met my bf about a year ago and he fell for me fast, that by a month after dating he wanted me to move into his house with him. I was afraid to give up apartment and also felt funny about moving in with someone when we weren't even engaged, but I never felt this way before and he seemed so sure of us. He was always telling me how he finally met the girl of his dreams, the one he wants to marry. He knew he wanted to marry me, that it was just a matter of time. I finally decided to move in with him after 3 months and just around that time he lost his job. The weekend of the big move he told me with tears in his eyes, that as soon as he can, he will do the right thing (meaning get engaged). Now it's 8 months after I moved in and we aren't engaged. He did get a great job but it took a couple of not so good jobs to find it (he started in Nov). And it's job where he works off commission, so it does take a couple of months to get in the groove. I know but now he is in do much better at his new job, so money is just starting to get in order for him. I'm afraid he's all talk. How do I know that he will make that step. He's always making comments about getting married. Talks about a family. And now he's going around telling everyone I'm his wife. But no proposal, nothing. He talks so much about our future, our kids, our life together, I just wish he'd take our relationship to the next level already. I feel like I took that huge step when I moved in with him and now he won't make the next step. Do you think he's all talk or should I just be patient and maybe he's got something planned all along? (I should mention we are both in our 30s).
bab Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I'm guessing he wants to get his finances worked out first. On the other hand you haven't been together that long, so he probably doesn't see it as terribly urgent. If you'd like it to happen sooner, talk to him about it. The whole, it should be a complete surpise thing is a bunch of bullocks. It's a huge decision and should be heavily discussed and not romanticized as much as it is anyway. Of course the proposal can be super romantic, but there is nothing wrong or less amazing if you know it's coming.
Author JA2 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I'm guessing he wants to get his finances worked out first. On the other hand you haven't been together that long, so he probably doesn't see it as terribly urgent. If you'd like it to happen sooner, talk to him about it. The whole, it should be a complete surpise thing is a bunch of bullocks. It's a huge decision and should be heavily discussed and not romanticized as much as it is anyway. Of course the proposal can be super romantic, but there is nothing wrong or less amazing if you know it's coming. Thanks. What you say makes plenty of sense. I guess it's probably more important to me then it is to him. He feels that once we get engaged, we'll have getting married in less then a year (he doesn't want a long engagement and neither do I). I do agree also with being able to talk about getting engaged. It would be nice to have an idea when, like in the spring or the summer or the fall, instead of "be patient it will happen". He's been making it seem like it could happen any day and he's been doing this since Nov. Any suggestions on how I could ask him without coming off pushy?
norajane Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 "I'm so happy you're excited about being married to me - I love it when you tell people I'm your wife. I'd like us to get engaged by spring - what do you think?" Or, you can start getting those 5,000 pound bridal magazines and leave them around the house. Start talking to him about wedding specifics, like what church, where you'd like to have the reception, flowers. Make some calls and find out how much these things would cost. Put a budget together and show it to him. Basically, act like you BELIEVE he's going to ask and it's just a matter of time, so you want to start preparing. Of coure, that might freak him out, but if he's always talking about marriage, then it really shouldn't.
Author JA2 Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 "I'm so happy you're excited about being married to me - I love it when you tell people I'm your wife. I'd like us to get engaged by spring - what do you think?" Or, you can start getting those 5,000 pound bridal magazines and leave them around the house. Start talking to him about wedding specifics, like what church, where you'd like to have the reception, flowers. Make some calls and find out how much these things would cost. Put a budget together and show it to him. Basically, act like you BELIEVE he's going to ask and it's just a matter of time, so you want to start preparing. Of coure, that might freak him out, but if he's always talking about marriage, then it really shouldn't. I like all your ideas. I think I might start off with the magazines first, cause that will be a great way to tell if he's really serious about marriage. I would think if he isn't serious, then he'd act funny seeing me with Bride magazines, but if he's serious, then I don't think it would really bother him. I also like the idea of going along with the conversation next time, and see how he reacts. I'm usually annoyed when he kids about it, but lets see how he'll be if I start talking about "our"plans. THanks norajane.
Mirage222 Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 "He walks around telling everyone your his wife" .... How funny and true that is... you are the "wife" in the sence of house wife - you probably cook, clean, scrub, laundry, pay on his behalf. He has the "milk" already - don't plan on him buying the "cow" ... remember you are just his girlfriend, so act as just that. If that was my guy walking around saying "my wife" I would correct him instantly and say ... No hunny, I am just the girlfriend. Girlfriends don't need to do wifey things - although those sweet boyfriends with the big but shallow promises except wifey ways out of their girlfriends without further committment.
Mary3 Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I think he needs to P*** or get off the Pot. Sounds like he might be stringing you along telling what you want to hear. How is he with paying the bills ? Just curious ? Who pays for what ?
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 "I'm so happy you're excited about being married to me - I love it when you tell people I'm your wife. I'd like us to get engaged by spring - what do you think?" Or, you can start getting those 5,000 pound bridal magazines and leave them around the house. Start talking to him about wedding specifics, like what church, where you'd like to have the reception, flowers. Make some calls and find out how much these things would cost. Put a budget together and show it to him. Basically, act like you BELIEVE he's going to ask and it's just a matter of time, so you want to start preparing. Of coure, that might freak him out, but if he's always talking about marriage, then it really shouldn't. :lmao: This should make him either wet himself or make a decision.
Island Girl Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 If that was my guy walking around saying "my wife" I would correct him instantly and say ... No hunny, I am just the girlfriend. Girlfriends don't need to do wifey things - although those sweet boyfriends with the big but shallow promises except wifey ways out of their girlfriends without further committment. Man oh man - If I'd have said anything like this my husband would have been bristling. Not such a thinly veiled insult to him is it? -- Even though he is ESL he'd have picked up the sarcasm and *OUCH* I don't think it is a healthy way to communicate about such a matter. NJs post about the bridal magazines is a good one - as is the suggestion about getting engaged in the Spring. I had proposed to my husband - no ring of course. But he accepted and I was waiting for the ring to follow. Kind of a weird situation since he didn't propose - so how was I to get the ring. I got one of those briday magazines and we looked through it together. My focus was on the rings, I guess he picked up on that, and I got my first ring just a week later. Good Luck.
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I completely understand that you're feeling antsy - a moment comes for everyone when they feel it's now or never... but try to see things from his perspective. I think it's admirable that he respects you and the committment he is about to make enough not to rush into it before he feels financially secure. Planning a wedding can be extremely stressful, and expensive. I don't know if you'd want to be doing that with someone who is already unsure about their ability to make ends meet. If you wait until he is in a better place, it will probably be a more positive experience for both of you. As for the wedding mags and thinly veiled comments - I'd personally steer clear of that sort of thing. It can come across as manipulative. Better to just sit down and have an honest, mature discussion with him about why you want to get engaged so soon (it's still pretty early for you guys) and ways you can find a middle ground between his desire to wait and your desire to move forward. Good luck!
rainfall Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 "He walks around telling everyone your his wife" .... How funny and true that is... you are the "wife" in the sence of house wife - you probably cook, clean, scrub, laundry, pay on his behalf. He has the "milk" already - don't plan on him buying the "cow" ... remember you are just his girlfriend, so act as just that. If that was my guy walking around saying "my wife" I would correct him instantly and say ... No hunny, I am just the girlfriend. Girlfriends don't need to do wifey things - although those sweet boyfriends with the big but shallow promises except wifey ways out of their girlfriends without further committment. The wife is supposed to do all the housework? Man no wonder I am happy just staying "the girlfriend" forever.
ouiouiG Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 You never know the real answers but based on your post, he has been freeloading on you. I hope he doesn't leave once he gets his career going? I would be careful and proceed slowly.
Crazy or Logical? Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Sorry to be the one to tell you this; but, there really is no one that can give you that answer. You'll never know until the day you walk down the isle and his has shown up to say "I do"...then you'll likely always wonder if he'll stay with you since 1 in 2 marriages fail. So here is what I've got for you. Decide if it is worth the wait and if you can stop being caught up in the time in-between. If you are unhappy in the relationship and it is a lasting unhappiness, just move one. Why would you stick around for a marriage to develop out of a substandard dating situation? However, if you love the man, can enjoy each day (even without knowledge of when or if the proposal is coming)...then keep on keepin' on. You can never really know someone else, and you will know this man better than anyone on this website. Just trust your instincts...even if they are blurry. Go with your strongest gut feeling and never look back. Every relationship I ever ended was followed by one that was even better. Keep looking until you are so completely fulfilled (understanding that all relationships will be work) that you don't question the man, his intentions or your feelings. I'm 2 weeks and change from my wedding and wishing I would have followed my own advice. Now I'm pregnant, dealing with my fiancee and his dry #ucking a stripper at his bachelor party, trust issues and doubt up the wazoo...I mean, I was in your shoes not too long ago and didn't follow my own advice. DON'T make this about needing the proposal, make it about getting what you need when you need it from the right man...whether it is this one or not. Best of Wishes!
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