Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 --"We should arrange a setup between you and the "my boyfriend eats burnt meat" girl"-- Lmao a match made in heaven!!
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Then why does she not want to let go of me???? Why can't she accept that i dont want her? She's a slut. I don;t want her. Leave me alone. It's not a case of having balls or how old are you.
Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Yeep fake has to be no one would be going on like this..
dropdeadlegs Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 booboo, It seems to be time to cut all ties and go no contact. In 8 days you went from saying that you love her (first post, last paragraph) to referring to her as a slut (third sentence, last post.) I'm afraid of what the next week will bring. This girl probably does have some self esteem issues. Based on a pattern of sexual acts that she admittedly did not derive much pleasure from I would say that she is eager to please a man in the hopes of finding someone who will love her. After the first few posts I was going to suggest that you could possibly be the man that could help her in building up her self worth, but that doesn't appear to be the case. No, you cannot create self worth for someone or give it to them, but through thoughtful and caring conversation, you can help them to find it within themselves. Instead of the (OMG!) images of her performing fellatio on a number of men, maybe you could have conjured up images of someone who was emotionally wounded and trying to heal in the wrong way. Compassionate images of a loving person who was lost, not judgmental images of a loose and wild young woman simply looking to have "conquests." No matter how much she may have sugar-coated her past behavior, I doubt that she is feeling a lot of pride. It appears that she may have trusted you enough to admit she was somewhat promiscuous and that may have been because she loves you and thought you could handle her confessions. That being said, I am doubtful that you can be with her with the feelings you are having. It is best to leave the relationship and find someone with a "prettier" past and move on. You do have the right to be in a relationship with someone you find more wholesome. Explain to her in as non-judgmental way as you can that you simply cannot get the thoughts and images out of your mind, that you cannot see her as a potential mate long term. Try to be nice, this girl doesn't need a blow to her esteem, but be firm in your manner. She cannot hold onto you if you will not allow her to hang on. No contact at all will bring her closure in the fastest way possible.
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Thanks Dropdeadlegs. An excellent adult response. I'll try doing what you suggested. And you are right. I DO have the right to to be in a relationship with someone you find more wholesome. Hopefully she'll find someone who doesnt have the problems i do. I also hope that she doesn't give the kind of detail that she did to me. It can only cause harm at the end of the day. Thanks again.
Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 --"Then why does she not want to let go of me???? Why can't she accept that i dont want her? She's a slut. I don;t want her. Leave me alone. It's not a case of having balls or how old are you"-- Like this is an adult way to act??
Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Im sorry but something confuses me how did he go from this..--"I do love her and i know i mean everything to her"--to this --"Then why does she not want to let go of me???? Why can't she accept that i dont want her? She's a slut. I don;t want her. Leave me alone"-- In a few posts?? Do you love her or not??
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 No need to explain anything. Like i said, Dropdeadlegs has given me the kind of response i was after. Thanks again (especially those who managed offer advice/posts without the need for childish abuse).
Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Sorry thats just lame you come on a publick message bord asking for advice but when you dont like to hear what people have to say you cut the convo and run. Your the only one acting childish here im glad your breaking up with her she deserves better.. --"Dropdeadlegs has given me the kind of response i was after"-- The kind of advice you were looking for ha. Maybe you need to open your mind a bit more in the future bouth on here and in real life. No one abused you here you just dident hear exactly what you wanted to from some people that happends thats why its a publick forum. What else did you realy expect people to say when your calling you gf a whore and slut!!
sb129 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Was this an open discussion that you participated in? Did you ask questions? I learned a very long time ago that if I don't REALLY want to know something (and sometimes we think we do, but if we really think about it, the "wrong" answer will bother us forever), don't have the talk. I used to be horrible about asking these questions, but now I refrain. I'm like you, they will stick with me and could ruin a very good relationship. Very few are virgins when we meet them, you probably weren't. Would you want everything you've done before held against you? I can't tell you that this will all leave your head, but in the future, don't have these discussions, you know now that you really can't handle them long term. You are being way too judgmental of her.. She also didn't put those images in your head.. you did..six months is enough time for you to accept the person you said you love.. so accept her.. Learn that a woman you may date has a past and that past may or may not contain things that you might or might not do.. . Why do i have a problem with the images? Because i hate one nite stands and i hate the thought that the person i love gave herself away and had so little respect for herself. And it's not the fact that she's not a virgin... everyone has a past and as long as it's in a loving caring relationship i wouldnt have a problem if she'd slept with a however many guys. I just don't want someone who i regard as a whore. And that's my problem... i look at anyone (male or female) who has a one nite stand as slutty behaviour. She regards it as a mistake in her life (looking for love etc), but to make the "mistake" half a dozen times is dumb beyond believe. --WHAT NERVE who are you to sit up on your high horse and call her a whore!! Sounds like shes had some probs in her life ok granted the new bf isent the best outlet but calling her a whore!! Yes do HER a favor and dump her fast ide be dammed if I would be with some one who said they loved me and then spoke about me like that behind my back!! Im sure your no saint eather I hope your high horse bucks you off and it knocks you down a few notches.. Then why does she not want to let go of me???? Why can't she accept that i dont want her? She's a slut. I don;t want her. Leave me alone. It's not a case of having balls or how old are you. Thanks Dropdeadlegs. An excellent adult response. I'll try doing what you suggested. And you are right. I DO have the right to to be in a relationship with someone you find more wholesome. Hopefully she'll find someone who doesnt have the problems i do. I also hope that she doesn't give the kind of detail that she did to me. It can only cause harm at the end of the day. Thanks again. Ummmm is it just me or did DropDeadLegs actually give you the same advice that everyone else did, but in a way that you can digest better? She said that you obviously can't handle the knowledge you GF has a past, and that you should break up with her. Which is what everyone else said. AS someone with a past, and who had an ex who had major issues with that past, I think you are being a judgmental obtuse moron, and your GF's self esteem isn't going to get any better by being with someone like you. Hopefully she learns from her mistakes and doesn't tell her next BF as much as she told you. My current BF and I agreed that everything that happened before the day we met is not important. You should be thanking your lucky stars you have a GF who likes giving blowjobs. Girls aren't BORN with the ability to do that well you know, it takes practise!!!
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 >>Hopefully she learns from her mistakes and doesn't tell her next BF as much as she told you. Yep!
sb129 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 For HER sake you noddy. I just twigged that it was you that started the oral on the first date thread. Why? So you can judge and criticise us too?? Shame on you. You need to open your eyes and broaden your mind.
Kamille Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 i would if i could but she keeps using emotional black mail trying to keep me. I know that I'M better off with someone i respect. But i wish she'd just let me leave. booooohhhh boobooboots! I was ambivalent until this line. I'm assuming you're not much older then 20 years old. No one but you decides where you chose to be. She is not using emotional blackmail - you are deluding your own self because you don't want to leave and to top it all off, you're blaming her for it (just like she alledgedly is responsible for the images in your head.) You're not the first guy to come on here with issues with a girlfriends sexual past. There are still a lot of double standards in this society and I'm assuming you allow yourself to judge her only because you would never ever ever EVER have a one night stand (which would be a great show of disrespect for another human being by your own moral compass.) I have had one night stands. I no longer have one night stands. I had one night stand probably for the same reasons guys have one night stands. Because sometimes you get caught up in the moment and spending the night cuddling, playing, kissing was a lot of fun. I also wasn't looking for a serious relationship at the time. It's been - ooh, hmmm, about 8 years since I've had a one night stand. I no longer have them only because, well, I've discovered a good vibrator is a lot more performant then most boozed up guys. That and I've changed since then and I now want to feel connected with the people I sleep with. I don't personnally feel one is more moral then the other. I just have different goals nowawadays. My point is that people's attitude towards sex change throughout their lives. I echo AC's comments - either you accept her for who she is or you move on. Your attitude towards sex and female sexuality will likely change too. But don't blame her for being unable to leave. That's adding immaturity to the whole mix.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Ummmm is it just me or did DropDeadLegs actually give you the same advice that everyone else did, but in a way that you can digest better? She said that you obviously can't handle the knowledge you GF has a past, and that you should break up with her. Which is what everyone else said. sb129, I know this comment was not even directed at me, and yes, I did not say anything that had not already been said. I cannot count how many times I have heard the same advice over and over until it was a message delivered to me in a way that I could hear it. the tone and temperance of the same basic statements can change the meaning of the message sometimes. Sometimes I need to bit hit upside the head with a baseball bat to hear it, other times I need to hear a thoughtful, compassionate, loving voice for the message to "click." It was pretty apparent, to me, from booboo's first post on this thread, as well as the other thread, that he was already sure that he could not continue in this relationship. Yes, he asked the opinion of others, but in his own mind, with his own set of values, he already knew that this relationship was doomed. Based on what booboo said concerning my post, the difference was that he heard that his feelings were validated. Feelings are just that, feelings. We cannot help having them, and while some have positive connotations and others have negative connotations, they are all valid. Even when we sometimes know that some feelings are illogical, or even dangerous, they still just are what they are. One of the most wonderful things about LS, and advice in general, is that we can take what we can use, and leave the rest on the computer screen. It is completely up to us in how we choose to proceed. Of course, your feelings of disapproval of his feelings is valid, too. booboo, I am glad that my words brought you some comfort or closure on this subject. My time on this forum today is well spent if I can offer something useful to just one person. Love and peace to all on V-Day!
sb129 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Good post DDL. I will try to keep that in mind in the future. Thanks!
edastro4life Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 If a girl gives you vivid description of a blow job she gave to some guy on a one night stand, and told you that she swallowed... is that an image you would want in your head?>>Learn that a woman you may date has a past and that past may or may not contain things that you might or might not do.The reason women tell you things like this is because sometimes when there with a guy that they really like or sometimes Love they rather be upfront with you that way there past doesn't come back to haunt them in the relationship. Sometimes there will be details that'll either be, to much information that'll put an image in your head which it has done to you, or worse not enough info that'll have your imagination running wild which will somehow always have you thinking worse case scenario. No disrespect but she seems to be the type of Women that speaks first, and thinks second. Some people just can't help themselves. Just ask yourself this, would you wanted her coming out and telling you this herself or someone else walking up telling you. And as far as the swallowing goes, When we as men perform oral on a women and she cums guess what? We're pretty much swallowing everytime.
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