boobooboots Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I've been seeing a girl for around 6 months now. We met at a works do and after a few drinks we got closer and we got very close to sleeping together. I'd never slept with someone in a situation like that so backed off - even though she made it obvious she was prepare to have sex. Anyway, we continued to get closer and enjoyed spending time with each other... started seeing each other etc. Then out of the blue she started telling me about her previous 'conquests'... a number of one night stands including sex on a beach with a guy she met in a club on a hen night. Needless to say, all this cut me up. And six months on, the images still keep hurting me - giving a guy oral sex on a beach is way too much for my head to cope with. I get incredibly low. Trust is a major issue with me as well. She tried to cover up the number of partners and changed the number to protect me. And she told me that she faked orgasms with all her previous partners (and regarded herself as "pretty good at faking"). Admitted to doing the same with me. I don't 100% belief that she's being honest with me now, even though she promises that she is. I do love her and i know i mean everything to her, but i have real problems with believing her and also the images that SHE has put in my head.
Guest Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Tell her you would rather not hear about her past experiences. Also, let her know that if she isn't being satisfied, she needs to communicate this to you, so you can help her feel better. The only thing I would be concerned about, is the fact that she faked it. Which to me says she has some issues forming relationships with men. Because 1) she had sex with these people even though she didn't actually enjoy the sex and 2) she felt the need to continue engaging in these types of relationships without any REAL emotional or sexual gratification. She may need to talk to a therapist about her past relationships with the male figures in her life. Lastly, if she insists on telling you about these things, try to help her instead of looking down on her. She may be looking for help in the only non-threatening way she knows how.
WildKittySub Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Was this an open discussion that you participated in? Did you ask questions? I learned a very long time ago that if I don't REALLY want to know something (and sometimes we think we do, but if we really think about it, the "wrong" answer will bother us forever), don't have the talk. I used to be horrible about asking these questions, but now I refrain. I'm like you, they will stick with me and could ruin a very good relationship. Very few are virgins when we meet them, you probably weren't. Would you want everything you've done before held against you? I can't tell you that this will all leave your head, but in the future, don't have these discussions, you know now that you really can't handle them long term.
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Have you called her a slut yet to her face ? that sounds like something you might do..So you might want to be careful of your words if you find yourself in a disagreement with her You are being way too judgmental of her.. She also didn't put those images in your head.. you did..six months is enough time for you to accept the person you said you love.. so accept her.. Learn that a woman you may date has a past and that past may or may not contain things that you might or might not do.. She most likely made a mistake telling you her history.. Next time she mentions something from her past just politely tell her that it bugs you to know those things and please keep them to herself. as for what you already know.. try and chalk it up to growing up.. we all do things that could be considered unacceptable to some people.
booboobootson Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 >>Have you called her a slut yet to her face ? Nope. Never. Wouldnt dream of doing that. >>She also didn't put those images in your head.. you did.. If a girl gives you vivid description of a blow job she gave to some guy on a one night stand, and told you that she swallowed... is that an image you would want in your head? >>Learn that a woman you may date has a past and that past may or may not contain things that you might or might not do.. Guess that's my problem. I want a girl who hasnt had one night stands. I realise we all have past sexual relationships but i don't want someone who "gave it away" too easily. I could deal with it if she had slept with 10 - 20 guys in a loving, caring relationship. >>She most likely made a mistake telling you her history.. She realises this and knows that any future relationship she should hold back on the detail. Maybe she also needs to find a guy who shares her viewpoint on one night stands and remember that not all guys find it appealling.
Author boobooboots Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 Have you called her a slut yet to her face ? She also didn't put those images in your head.. you did.. Learn that a woman you may date has a past and that past may or may not contain things that you might or might not do.. She most likely made a mistake telling you her history.. I'd never say that to her. If a girl gives you vivid description of a blow job she gave to some guy on a one night stand, and told you that she swallowed... is that an image you would want in your head? SHE put that in my head. I didnt ask any questions. Guess my problem is that I want a girl who hasnt had one night stands. I realise we all have past sexual relationships but i don't want someone who "gave it away" too easily. I could deal with it if she had slept with 10 - 20 guys in a loving, caring relationship. She realises this and knows that any future relationship she should hold back on the detail. Maybe she also needs to find a guy who shares her viewpoint on one night stands and remember that not all guys find it appealling.
Author boobooboots Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 anyone have any more comment or advice on this?
mental_traveller Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Why do you have a problem with these images? Is she supposed to be a virgin when she meets you? How about you - if you told her some graphic details of past sexual conquests, how would she react? And if you do have a problem, then it's simple - don't go out with her, don't sleep with her, nothing.
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Why do i have a problem with the images? Because i hate one nite stands and i hate the thought that the person i love gave herself away and had so little respect for herself.
Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 --"Admitted to doing the same with me. I don't 100% belief that she's being honest with me now, even though she promises that she is. I do love her and i know i mean everything to her, but i have real problems with believing her and also the images that SHE has put in my head"-- I can see why you would feel upset about it. Just goes to prove my thoughts that some times theres stuff in your past that should just stay there and def shouldent be bruoght up with a new bf/gf thats what they have counslers for. But it dose sound like you genualy care for this women so you have to kinda except it and move on maybe sugest that she see a counsler insted of telling you all her past 'conquests'. She might have been haveing the sex with all of the guys so she could feel loved alot of young women confuse sex with love with grave consiquinces to there self esteem in the long run. So even tho she wasent getting the sexual pleasure from it she was getting the emoshional fulfilment she was craveing if even only for a short time.
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 And it's not the fact that she's not a virgin... everyone has a past and as long as it's in a loving caring relationship i wouldnt have a problem if she'd slept with a however many guys. I just don't want someone who i regard as a whore. And that's my problem... i look at anyone (male or female) who has a one nite stand as slutty behaviour. She regards it as a mistake in her life (looking for love etc), but to make the "mistake" half a dozen times is dumb beyond believe.
Art_Critic Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 You are being wayyyyyy to judgmental and it sounds to me that you need to grow up before you wreck something that means a lot to you. If you can't think of someone you love as just that.. someone you love then I might suggest that you seek counseling. You are calling her a whore and a slut for doing something that is not slutty or whorish by society in general. A lot of people have one night stands. If you can't trust her then that is your issue not hers.. she told you the truth and you could not handle it. Please seek help if you cannot get thru this.. you could be altering the entire way you look at women for the rest of life and you will take this behavior into the next relationship with you.
Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 --"I just don't want someone who i regard as a whore. And that's my problem... i look at anyone (male or female) who has a one nite stand as slutty behaviour. She regards it as a mistake in her life (looking for love etc), but to make the "mistake" half a dozen times is dumb beyond believe"--.. WHAT NERVE who are you to sit up on your high horse and call her a whore!! Sounds like shes had some probs in her life ok granted the new bf isent the best outlet but calling her a whore!! Yes do HER a favor and dump her fast ide be dammed if I would be with some one who said they loved me and then spoke about me like that behind my back!! Im sure your no saint eather I hope your high horse bucks you off and it knocks you down a few notches..
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 i would if i could but she keeps using emotional black mail trying to keep me. I know that I'M better off with someone i respect. But i wish she'd just let me leave.
Ripples Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Wow! What an utter little git you are, OP. Please, please, dump her. For her sake.
Citizen Erased Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 We should arrange a setup between you and the "my boyfriend eats burnt meat" girl.
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Like i said... i would dump her put she keeps hanging on. Crying. Telling me that it's gonna be aother year without a valentine etc.... Just let me go and you can find a guy that doesnt have a hang up with one nite stands and doesnt mind you telling him about giving guys blow jobs and swallowing etc
Art_Critic Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 i would if i could but she keeps using emotional black mail trying to keep me. I know that I'M better off with someone i respect. But i wish she'd just let me leave. Point her to these 2 threads on LS and let her read your posts on what you really think of her and I'm sure she won't bother you anymore.. It seems to me that you need to let this girl go.. go find a better match for you.. there are woman out there for you...
Ripples Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Ask her to read this thread. I'm sure she'll be happy to let you go. Snap, AC.
Art_Critic Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Snap, AC. hahaha.. I would suggest to the OP though that the most humane thing is to just break up with her.. it can be hard but you know that you need to do it.. Letting her read these posts even though I suggested it in the first place would be mean. just break up with her and let her go
Author boobooboots Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 I've posted on another board, Similar kind of thing. And let her read it. And she STILL wouldnt let me go. She says that i mean the world to her and that she's never loved anyone like me and never will. She only wants me. After reading the other discussion thread she got angry and then said that we have to work through it and said that she wanted us to go to counselling.
Ripples Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 What a load. Nothing or noone can force you to keep seeing someone you don't want to. I've never heard such a load of rubbish. How old are you? 14?
Citizen Erased Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I've posted on another board, Similar kind of thing. And let her read it. And she STILL wouldnt let me go. She says that i mean the world to her and that she's never loved anyone like me and never will. She only wants me. After reading the other discussion thread she got angry and then said that we have to work through it and said that she wanted us to go to counselling. Boo hoo hoo. Grow some balls.
Blue Phoenix Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 This guys a real peace of work!!! Are you kidding me this is a fake thread right???? If it is true its a shame she fell in love with such a hung up shallow person..--"How old are you? 14?'-- I wouldent even give him that much credit.
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