Should I forget him?

[beachlover]

I have been on three dates with this guy, the last one ended with him staying at my apartment. We were up until 4 fooling around but I wasn't comfortable having sex with him that night, he said that he understood and that it wasn't a problem. My alarm went off in the morning and he didn't want to let me out of bed which was really cute, he just kept cuddling with me. We finally got up and I literally had to get dressed and run to school, and I was late for class... oops!

 

Well that was 2 weeks ago, I have talked to him a few times, the last time was a week ago Friday while we were both drunk, I wanted him to come over and he said he wanted to but he wasn't driving. His friend (who was more drunk than my guy) grabbed the phone and said that he refused to drive him to my place. My guy got back on the phone and said he would just take a taxi. About 20 minutes later he called to say that he needed to get his friend home and that he probably wouldn't make it to my place that night but promised he would later in the week, we ended up texting back and forth from 2-4am, again he said that he would come see me in the next few days. I texted him Thursday and he never responded... normally he will respond at the most 15 minutes later.

 

I have no clue what happened... it's not like I did anything. Anyone have any idea what could be going on? I don't want to keep texting him and become stalkerish... what should I do?

[Krytellan]

It's unfortunate, but don't stress about it. It's nothing you did... he just changed his priorities. There is little you can do to "make" him like you, and you wouldn't want someone you had to make like you anyway. Just let it go. So often we should just let things go away peacefully.

[unsafe]

I'd let it go. If he doesn't care or interested enough to write you back then find someone else.

 

I'm sure it was special and wonder what you thought you had. But sometimes we change our minds. I think you should just keep moving on. I mean you wrote him Thursday and now its Tuesday. Come on..if he was busy he could have called or wrote you back by now.

 

 

Remember you are a great person who deserves a great guy. Dont' settle for less.

[beachlover]

Thanks for your help

 

I'll just forget about him, that is kinda depressing

 

I'll get over it

[beachlover]

Is there anyone who thinks that he could still be interested? Do I have any hope at all??

[Lauriebell82]

he could have just changed his mind..or felt like things were moving to fast and he was in too deep. he also maybe backed off a littel cause he didnt want to seem desperate, pushy, or that he was smothering u. i mean u havnt really invested a whole lot (he's not ur bf) so i'd say probably just forget it and move on. if he calls u great, if he doesnt then he missed out on a great possible relationship.

[beachlover]

I haven't called him or texted him in 2 weeks... he started texting me last night asking why I haven't tried to get a hold of him, I told him that I got tired of not getting a response. He called me a few minutes later and said he really wanted to see me... I was really tempted to tell him that I didn't want to be the girl he goes to when he has nothing better to do, but I gave in and let him come over.

 

We stayed up until 4 again, mostly talking this time. I asked him what he wants with me, because from what he has said before he won't be in a relationship without sex, and he knows that he doesn't have a very good chance of having sex with me (I was in a 3 year relationship and chose not to have sex, so its not like he thinks he can convince me). Last night he said that sex isn't really that important to him and that he is really attracted to me, and he doesn't know why because I am so different from all of his past girlfriends. He was even hinting at the possibility of me being his girlfriend sometime soon.

 

I really like him, probably because he is the complete opposite of my ex who hurt me big time. But at the same time I don't want to get too close to him because I am afraid of getting hurt again.

 

Does anyone have any idea why he would want to be with me, when he could easily get a girl that would have sex with him? Like he said I am so different from every other girl he has ever dated... I don't get it!

[Island Girl]

I haven't called him or texted him in 2 weeks... he started texting me last night asking why I haven't tried to get a hold of him, I told him that I got tired of not getting a response. He called me a few minutes later and said he really wanted to see me... I was really tempted to tell him that I didn't want to be the girl he goes to when he has nothing better to do, but I gave in and let him come over.

 

First thing, you really shouldn't have let him come over. You basically allowed him to turn it around that you should be trying to get hold of him -- I'd be angry.

 

I would have been angry the first time when he didn't respond -- "YOU blowing ME off?!!! You are SO OBVIOUSLY not worth my time!" -- of course I wouldn't say that but that would be in my head.

 

That attitude would have come out when I got the texts about not trying to contact him. I'd never have the attitude of "I got tired of trying" it should be "why should I be trying to contact you? It is the other way around."

 

What makes him so fantastic -- he has already treated you badly. Do not look at this guy through rose colored glasses. At this point he has a failing grade - I don't care how great he is if he treats you like this and you allow it he is losing respect for you.

 

You do really like him. It shows. It shows in what you write about how you talk to him. The 'asking him what he wants from you' conversation is a mistake and he knows you are getting waaaaaay sprung on him.

 

The best thing you can do is remember how great YOU are and that ANY guy would be LUCKY to have you or even talk to you.

 

It sounds like your past boyfriend may have done a number on your self-esteem and self-respect. I really hope you get that back.

 

He should be showing his interest and you should LET him. This doesn't mean talking to him about what he wants from you -- he isn't worth getting anything from you yet.

 

As far as telling him "I don't want to be the girl you go to when you have nothing better to do" -- don't TELL him that. Or anything like it.

Why does he deserve an explanation? When he fell off the planet and stopped contact with you did he explain it to you first?

 

So you can keep that to yourself. You are right to have that attitude. You don't want to be a "go-to girl" but it is up to you to not be treated that way.

 

Really think about how you want to be treated by a boyfriend or someone you are dating. Not him. Anyone. Then do not accept less than that.

 

Calls after a certain time in the evening don't get answered. -- Call me do not text me and take me out for a nice evening. We can go for a drive, we can talk until all hours under the moonlight but we are not going to my house to roll around until 4am when you haven't treated me well enough for long enough to be there.

 

You'll get the respect you demand from a guy who really likes you and values you. If a guy can't do it or it is too much for him to live up to -- so be it. Write him off. There are plenty of men out there believe me.

 

The only thing a bad guy does is keep a good guy away. A good guy means he treats you with respect and values you.

 

This guy isn't doing that. It may not be a lost cause but the tide will only turn if you do not accept that treatment, you demand better, and he rises to the expectations.

 

I feel for you. I really do. I just wish you were confident in yourself and did not allow yourself to be treated this way. Or think he is "so great" when he has clearly been a complete jerk so far. Because there are great ones out there. Don't chase bad behavior and don't settle for less than you deserve.

 

By the way -- to a guy it doesn't matter if you have been in a 3 year relationship with no sex. They still think there is a possibility that they could get it. Especially if there is other fooling around. You'd be surprised at how much they will put up with and how much it drives them if they think there is even the most remote possibility.

[beachlover]

First thing, you really shouldn't have let him come over. You basically allowed him to turn it around that you should be trying to get hold of him -- I'd be angry.

I know I shouldn't have let him come over, he started being sweet and I let it get to me. I don't want that to happen again but he gets to me every time. I am trying to convince myself that I will not call/text him... maybe I should delete his number, but then I wouldn't know if it was him calling and I would likely answer... grrr

 

 

What makes him so fantastic -- he has already treated you badly. Do not look at this guy through rose colored glasses. At this point he has a failing grade - I don't care how great he is if he treats you like this and you allow it he is losing respect for you.

I don't even know what makes him so great... that in so many ways he is the complete opposite of my ex, that he is fun, that he can make me smile, that he can be very sweet, he tells me I am gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/etc (things that my ex said to me maybe 3 times in 3 years)...

 

The best thing you can do is remember how great YOU are and that ANY guy would be LUCKY to have you or even talk to you.

 

It sounds like your past boyfriend may have done a number on your self-esteem and self-respect. I really hope you get that back.

You know a lot of people tell me how great I am but it only seems to come from my female friends... how is it that no guy has ever seen that? My ex did a lot to my self esteem, so much that I was in counseling for a few months after we broke up. He treated me so bad that any other guy in the world would be better than him!

 

 

I feel for you. I really do. I just wish you were confident in yourself and did not allow yourself to be treated this way. Or think he is "so great" when he has clearly been a complete jerk so far. Because there are great ones out there. Don't chase bad behavior and don't settle for less than you deserve.

I know that he is a jerk... and yet every time he calls I get all excited so I answer his call and he convinces me to let him come over.

 

 

By the way -- to a guy it doesn't matter if you have been in a 3 year relationship with no sex. They still think there is a possibility that they could get it. Especially if there is other fooling around. You'd be surprised at how much they will put up with and how much it drives them if they think there is even the most remote possibility.

I have definitely come to realize that... He just doesn't know that I won't give in... especially to him, even if I have fun seeing him he is definitely not worth taking my virginity!

 

I don't get attention from very many guys... it's not that I am bad looking (not that I am drop dead gorgeous either) I just don't have many guys pay much attention to me. The ones that do are the slimy ones and I end up going for the least slimy of the slimy ones... haha! How do I meet normal guys?

[Island Girl]

I don't get attention from very many guys... it's not that I am bad looking (not that I am drop dead gorgeous either) I just don't have many guys pay much attention to me. The ones that do are the slimy ones and I end up going for the least slimy of the slimy ones... haha! How do I meet normal guys?

 

Confidence is an extremely attractive quality in anyone.

You have to get to the point where you would rather be alone than be with someone who does not treat you as you should be treated.

 

I don't think you realize that you dictate how you will be treated. If a guy - that you aren't even in a relationship with - calls late and wants to come over it is insulting. Sp be insulted and tell him, "no, and I can't imagine why you would assume that would be okay with me - got to go BYE."

 

Believe me, if a guy is interested he will shape up.

 

And the new guys you'll meet will treat you right to begin with. - Because you'll be setting the guidelines from the start.

 

How do you meet nice guys? Do things you like doing and you'll meet people with similar interests at the same time. Then evaluate them individually - if you meet 10 guys and they are all slime then you don't go out with any of them. You really need to stick to that because how this guy has treated you has also impacted your self-esteem as well. You are trying to get better about that -- not worse.

 

TELL YOURSELF YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL - DO NOT LOOK FOR A GUY TO TELL YOU THAT. And tell your self the other things too -- that you are smart, etc. You don't need a guy to tell you those things - you need to know them yourself and then you look for the guy that recognizes all of it.

 

And then demand that you are treated right. No late night calls. No coming over to you house at all - not even day time.

Go out -- make that one of your rules until you get a handle on how it feels to be treated right. Don't put yourself in a situation where you would make a mistake out of weakness.

 

You outlook should be that he is LUCKY to be talking to you or spending time with you and HE needs to prove he is worthwhile for more. You are auditioning them for the lucky spot of being your boyfriend...or more.

 

Most important rule:

 

Sleazy guys are not worth your time.

[the_total_package]

He told you after all of that he had been expecting YOU to contact HIM all this time? That is not right. That would tell me to NOT contact him at all, he's got some ground to make up here if he wants to date you, he would have to work for it, big time.

 

When guys say "I expect my a gf of mine to have sex with me a lot, or within 2 weeks, or whatever..." that is very much a manipulative statement to get you in bed. He's saying "well if you don't sleep with me, I'm out the door" like a threat.

A guy I've been dating about a month, recently said to me after we had been kissing a long time said 'I have to say this, if I am going to have to wait 2 months, to be honest, I really need to be intimate with my girlfriend, I don't think I would wait that long.' I COMPLETELY IGNORED THE COMMENT. It is a guy's way to get you in bed. He called the next day several times. Me not sleeping with him had no effect on his interest in me, in fact he's MORE interested in me that I didn't give him what he wanted. I am not changing how fast I sleep with him, it has to be right for ME and he's not going to rush me into bed. if he is going to dump you over not sleeping with him on his timeline, you don't want to be with him anyway.

 

Hold off the intimacy, don't be anxious to hang out with him,don'tcall or text him, you need to see if this guy is for real about seeing you as a gf. Seriously...I would read and reread the book The Rules with this guy and follow it to a T. Personally I think he is just horny and wanting some from you and sees you as a woman who will give it to him and you need to get that out of his head FAST.

[beachlover]

I'm not going to text him or call him at all... if he wants to see me he's going to have to ask me on a date or something.

 

I'm happy being single, I didn't think that I would be, and now it has been 5 months since my ex and I split and I can honestly say that I am happy. I still don't have the greatest self-esteem and I know that I need to work on it. It was nice to have a guy who I thought was great pay some attention to me, now he has turned out to not be so great. The first few times we went out he could call me a day or two ahead of time and ask if I wanted to go do something, we went and got drinks one night and dinner another night. It's not like he was trying to get me into bed so fast, the whole thing about having sex came up because we were both talking about our exes, I don't even know how we got on that topic... anyway... I'm not going to try and get a hold of him!

[Island Girl]

Big lesson -- don't ever talk about exes.

 

It is not a good thing at all - it is none of the new person's business and it can "color" a relationship. What I mean is people act and react together differently. What one person doesn't like might be endearing to someone else.

 

Talking about exes and past relationships can taint the way one views you.

And it can lead to insecurities as well which are never great in relationships.

 

Your past is your past - don't share with a current man and certainly if he brings up an ex find a way to change the subject fast.

 

You'll be fine. Just keep telling yourself - like you thought this guy was great and he turned out not so much - I will find a guy that is worthy of me and, although I will meet guys and give them a chance if I find them attractive, I do not know them very well so I am going to make sure he is worth my time and effort before I go too deep (physically or emotionally).

 

Good luck.

[clueless24]

i agree with island girl, it's insulting for a guy to think that you are accessible at any hour and that you should be repsonding to him. it's different when you are in a relationship, both parties should try to invest equal time and effort in a relationship; but when you are just starting out, you should not let him step over you like that. It's very true that the best moments in any relationship is in the beginning...when things turn sour and conflicts occur, we always tend to look back and remember how sweet and good it was when we first met and when we first fell in love. look at your situation right now, there's not much promise in it. not many relationships can improve upon a rocky foundation. chances are you are going to be unhappy later on. dont doubt yourself, beauty is but only on the surface; just look fresh and approachable and you're sure to catch a nice guy. remember to smile and to feel good about yourself