Jinxx Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 How long did it take you to move forward after ending the relationship? I guess it is different for everyone. But just curious. I saw MM (officially have not ended our affair) at work tonight. It was bound to happen and as fate would happen we were scheduled to work the same shift. I have not seen or spoken with him in almost three weeks. He told me via email that we would talk and asked for me to be patient -- I have been very patient. MM pretty much pretended as if nothing happened. He went about doing his work and I avoided him as much as I could, small talk here and there when the manager was around but that was it. It was very awkward for me but he seemed not too bothered by it. Whatever. He got what he wanted and I allowed it to happen. Sad, because we really had a nice friendship going before we crossed that line. I feel like such a fool. I feel sorry for his wife, she has no clue. On one hand I want him to hurt like I am and plot all types of revenge in my head. The things I know about his wife and family would hurt him for life. But what would that solve -- nothing. He confided and trusted me. I would never hurt him or his family, it is just not in me to be vindictive, not that I don't fantasize about it though. I'm sure one of these days the kharma bus will catch up with him and run his ass over. He could care less with respect to the pain in I'm going through right now. It hurts, my fault, I allowed it to happen. How pathetic is that?! So again, how long did it take for you to move on? I thought I was doing "ok" but I'm a friggin mess.
cbl Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 MM pretty much pretended as if nothing happened. He went about doing his work and I avoided him as much as I could, small talk here and there when the manager was around but that was it. It was very awkward for me but he seemed not too bothered by it. Whatever. He got what he wanted and I allowed it to happen. Sad, because we really had a nice friendship going before we crossed that line. I feel like such a fool. I feel sorry for his wife, she has no clue. On one hand I want him to hurt like I am and plot all types of revenge in my head. The things I know about his wife and family would hurt him for life. But what would that solve -- nothing. He confided and trusted me. I would never hurt him or his family, it is just not in me to be vindictive, not that I don't fantasize about it though. you are not pathetic. you just have a feeling of being used. but you are not. you had good time with him. sad things do happen. but it is part of the life. just take them as they are and as they come along. you'll be fine soon. affairs in the workplace most of the time is not recommended because of the tough situation to deal with after breaking up. even for two single people. i used to date a guy in the same company (we were both single) and he asked me to move into his place the second week into our relationship. we broke up after 3 months. we did not speak for the first week after the break-up. but then we saw each other on and off (and sometimes we spent the night at each other's place) then things ended 2 months later when i met another guy. i was involved with a MM for 6 years and got pregnant with his baby third year into our relationship. i did not keep the baby. 3 months after our break-up i started to think about him less and less; one year after i started seeing other people. but distance helped the healing process. i was thousands and thousands of miles away from him. it's been a couple of months since we discontinued our relationship (me and my recent xMM of six months) it was tough in the beginning. i thought about him all the time and wondered why his life remained intact without me - i thought about calling his wife too but i did not. truth is i journal my thoughts down and i had nothing better to advise his wife. what do i know about him and her as an individual and what do i know about their marriage anyway? we should not even have crossed our paths.... and since i did not tell her the truth when she called me, why bother telling her anything when things ended? it will not do me good (or do her good by telling her the truth)... but things do get better day after day. i did diffrent things to fill the void. things that i had always wanted to pick up but i can't when i need to give time to my xMM. you'll be fine. the fact that you came here and talked about it will help. you'll soon find yourself stronger and stronger, and one day, you'll be surprised that you will not even think about him for the whole day. then the whole week. then the whole year.
erika2610 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 How long did it take you to move forward after ending the relationship? I guess it is different for everyone. But just curious. I saw MM (officially have not ended our affair) at work tonight. It was bound to happen and as fate would happen we were scheduled to work the same shift. I have not seen or spoken with him in almost three weeks. He told me via email that we would talk and asked for me to be patient -- I have been very patient. MM pretty much pretended as if nothing happened. He went about doing his work and I avoided him as much as I could, small talk here and there when the manager was around but that was it. It was very awkward for me but he seemed not too bothered by it. Whatever. He got what he wanted and I allowed it to happen. Sad, because we really had a nice friendship going before we crossed that line. I feel like such a fool. I feel sorry for his wife, she has no clue. On one hand I want him to hurt like I am and plot all types of revenge in my head. The things I know about his wife and family would hurt him for life. But what would that solve -- nothing. He confided and trusted me. I would never hurt him or his family, it is just not in me to be vindictive, not that I don't fantasize about it though. I'm sure one of these days the kharma bus will catch up with him and run his ass over. He could care less with respect to the pain in I'm going through right now. It hurts, my fault, I allowed it to happen. How pathetic is that?! So again, how long did it take for you to move on? I thought I was doing "ok" but I'm a friggin mess. Well, I also worked with my now ex-MM. I was a waitress, and he was the cook. It was alot of fun, when we were together. But then, after the affair ended, it was just awful having to look at him & talk to him everyday. Of course we worked the same shift. For a while after we broke up, I was just nasty to him. I really kinda acted like a child. But I was so hurt, and that was the only way I knew how to deal with it. I poked fun at him quite often, and got coworkers to join in on it. I would always have a smile on my face though, so he never knew just how hurt I was. After a while, I'd say a month or so, I was to the point where I could just walk right by him, and not say anything at all. It didn't take me as long as I thought it would. It will get better. Go out, live your life, and make sure you talk to your friends for support too. Take up a new hobby. Find something that will take up your time and keep you busy, so you'll actually have less time to think and dwell on him. Good luck.
ratingsguy Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 How long did it take you to move forward after ending the relationship? In my last serious relationship, I was with her for a little over a year. We had lived together for most of that time. She ended it with me and after I moved out, I decided to go complete NC. She was NOT happy about that, but I stuck to it. It took about 6 months to get over my 1 year relationship. I remember the last time I broke down... I was in a Chicago hotel room. After that, nothing. Admittedly the first few months were torture, but the last few weren't all that bad. So it goes to show that things do get better over time. Fast forward to present day. We just started talking again back in September. I have no romantic feelings for her whatsoever and am fully capable of being friends with her now.
Author Jinxx Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Clarification -- MM and I both have full time day jobs. He is self employed. After nine months into our affair we took on part time evening jobs in our town. MM is the one who told me where to go to apply, he obviously wanted me to work there. I could easily quit but don't want to at the moment, I like the perks. I talked to the manager last night who put me on different days then MM next week and hopefully for future schedules. That works for now. I am giving myself six months. I lead an active life full of all types of outdoor activities but lately I seem to have fallen into a state of semi-depression, turning into somewhat of a loner. I'm even entertaining the idea of reconcilling with my husband but that is very "iffy". I have half a year left on my lease so who knows, maybe the opportunity will arise to meet someone else but I'm just not interested and the thought of going back to my comfort zone doesn't sound like a bad deal. The whole dating thing is a huge turn off at the moment. It is comforting to know there are others like me going through the same thing. I will continue to read your stories -- good therapy. It helps a lot.
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