foxtrot127 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Hello. I was dumped about 2 months ago. The first month she started seeing other people while we were still living together, and I looked like a desperate, crying idiot. The second month(january), she had finally moved out, I went NC except for answering a couple of calls from her about bills. A week ago, I was driving around looking at houses for sale, she called me and asked me if I was driving by her house(she lives with a girlfriend now). I said no because i don't know where you even live now. She wanted to think i was stalking her i guess. Then she acts bothered about the fact that I mentioned the breakup in some emails with a couple of mutual friends(this got back to her-will never do that again-one of these people I didn't even email). At this point I was trying to talk to her and she told me she had to go and hung up. I started to tell her i feel she is acting like i am beneath her now, but she did not let me finish. I call back immediately(no answer) and tell her I am doing fine and she needed to get over herself. We have not spoken since(9 days ago). Deep down i really feel she has moved on. Is she trying to keep me down? Or am I being too defensive, trying to show her I'm fine(which i'm not really, this is an act). I really have done just about everything in my power to leave her be. She saw a desperate man initially though and i feel she still has me in that box, even though i haven't attempted to contact her in over a month. I hate to leave those as the last words out of my mouth. My MAIN QUESTION is should i leave things at that or should i apologize for what i said?
norajane Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I don't get it - apologize for what? For saying to get over herself? Give it a rest. An apology will do no good, and will just make you look like a weenie.
RecordProducer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Apologize for what? She wants you to suffer because of her, it feeds her ego. You should look after yourself now. Do you have any chances of gettingback together? Do you want her back?
Author foxtrot127 Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 in response to recordproducer, No, I don't feel like there is much of a chance at getting back together really, much water under bridge and horrible things said. Plus, we broke up once before for like a week and had a rocky relationship at times. There was definitely love, we were together for about 1.5 years, but when we moved in together after a year(in a new town), the problems and compatibility issues we had seemed to magnify themselves. It got to the point where it seemed like I could do nothing right. It sucks, I still love her but I am finally beginning to see that maybe this is for the best. I keep hoping that no contact and working on myself will maybe swing things in my favor with her, but i think more and likely i will have stopped caring before that ever happens.
RecordProducer Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 in response to recordproducer, No, I don't feel like there is much of a chance at getting back together really, much water under bridge and horrible things said. Plus, we broke up once before for like a week and had a rocky relationship at times. There was definitely love, we were together for about 1.5 years, but when we moved in together after a year(in a new town), the problems and compatibility issues we had seemed to magnify themselves. It got to the point where it seemed like I could do nothing right. It sucks, I still love her but I am finally beginning to see that maybe this is for the best. I keep hoping that no contact and working on myself will maybe swing things in my favor with her, but i think more and likely i will have stopped caring before that ever happens. Hm... interesting how your mind is louder than your heart. Are you still in love with her? May I ask, how old are you?
Author foxtrot127 Posted February 8, 2007 Author Posted February 8, 2007 record producer, When you say my mind is louder than my heart, what do you mean? Which one is which, do you think? Does my heart say I love her, but my head is telling me this is for the best, or the other way around? Its weird that when we broke up i did not make hardly any attempts to reconcile for like 3 weeks. My family remembers me not being so sure about the relationship anymore. Then, when i found out she was starting to see other people already, its like a switch flipped, and I had to have her again. You don't know what you've got till its gone i guess, right? But she wasn't having it anymore. I really don't know if I'm still in love with her, or if this pain is because she rejected me in the end. I miss her, but I miss the girl that loved me, not the girl that didn't anymore. I just turned 28, she is 25.
RecordProducer Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 record producer, When you say my mind is louder than my heart, what do you mean? Which one is which, do you think? Does my heart say I love her, but my head is telling me this is for the best, or the other way around? I mean that you love her but mentally know that she is not the one. Your hearts wants her, but your mind tells you to press the brakes, cuz she is no good for you. But I see that your heart is not so hot for her either so the mind can make this decision with ease. Yes, we often miss the person we thought they were. When we discover that they're not what we thought they were, we report a missing person and desperately hope that the missing person is still alive and will come back. But it usually doesn't. And we grieve over our imaginary ideal partner as we do over any other loss. In your case, I think the love was never too strong. I've seen people getting suddenly very interested in someone when they lose them.
Shadowdog36 Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 RecordProducer, I think what you said about missing the person you thought they were was probably one of the most insightful things I've read on here. It nails me and the way I feel about my 'situation'. Foxtrot, I was talking to my sister the other night, a bad night, and I had mentioned the same thing, that I thought I needed to let my ex know that I was ok, that I was letting her go (even though I really wasn't or didn't want to). She told me, as much as I didn't want to hear it ... SHE DOESN'T CARE! Keep that in mind every time you feel the need to talk to her. She doesn't care. You're doing this for your benefit, not hers. What are you hoping to accomplish? A change of heart on her part? What if she blows it off? What if you don't get the reaction you hope for? Do you really want to pour salt in that wound?
Author foxtrot127 Posted February 11, 2007 Author Posted February 11, 2007 Thanks for the input, especially record producer. It has been a real help. She finally calls me after almost 2 weeks since I tell her off(refer to above posts). Interesting she calls this day because its the best day I've had since breakup. I called her back that evening. She is bringing my house key finally and bill money she owed. I tell her to come tommorow and leave it. The next day she comes in while i am at work. We had been receiving this men's underwear catalog throught the mail sent to a previous resident. I put it out for her and left a note that this is hers(we used to laugh at it.) She writes "i think this is yours", and then directly underneath are the words " Hey rob" (my next door neighbor) " if you want to hang out tonight, call me-jenny" which are indented into the catalog, like she took a thin sheet of paper and wrote this note on top of the catalog and pressed so it looks like a carbon copy. Why? Its there plain as day for me to see. Did she do this on purpose? I called her when I found it and acted like I couldn't tell what it said, she immediately knew what I was talking about(maybe cuz she meant to do it), but I totally blew it off. We have a pleasant 10 minute conversation for the first time since breaking up, and I end it. Did she mean for me to see that note she wrote? and if so, why try to make me jealous now? Especially if she has no feelings for me anymore? What is the point of trying to hurt me at this juncture?
LakesideDream Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 Come on guy, give it up. She isn't "sending you a message" she's skywriting it. She isn't the one for you guy. At 28 you will have many more chances. Keep this one in your memory banks, when these things happen with someone else you will have a better idea how to handle it (run, don't walk). Life is way to short to pine for those who don't want, need, or respect you.
RecordProducer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 RecordProducer, I think what you said about missing the person you thought they were was probably one of the most insightful things I've read on here. It nails me and the way I feel about my 'situation'. Thanks, but since I can't take credits for something that's not MY thought, I have to say that it's from some song named "Shut up and Drive."
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