Grrlish Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 If the game is on Valentine's Day and that's what you're doing after dinner, use the certificate. It's part of the package. If the game is on another night, don't use the certificate. Save it for another night. I'm going to be a girly-girl on this one and admit that seeing you slap down the certificate on V-Day would make me feel a little less special. Krytellan, you wrote: In my heart, I think I would feel a little uneasy about using it, but then I'm not used to really caring so much... that's because of her. And it's not that I am trying to impress her... First, if you feel uneasy about using it, then don't. Second, what in the world is wrong with wanting to impress her? I say: Nothing! After years of dating, partners should still be trying to impress each other and sweep each other off their feet. I've had wonderful relationships like this. As long as you're impressing her from your heart, there's nothing wrong with that. Come on, it's Valentine's Day. Give her the red carpet treatment. It's so worth it. Most of us love that stuff and if she's the right girl for you, it will give her the warm fuzzies for a while.
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Why does the guy have to spend money on the girl unnecessarily for her to feel appreciated? That seems a little sexist to me. He'll already be taking her out to a dinner for which SHE doesn't have to pay...I think it'd be silly to be offended just because no money was spent there and then. Isn't V-Day about showing appreciation for EACH OTHER and spending quality time together? It sounds like Krytellan has a lovely V-Day planned, certificate or not. I'm about to wax philosophical here a moment. This is a little deep and winded and egocentric. Many of you may benefit from simply skipping my post here *cracks knuckles and brushes off the keyboard* There is so much right with what you say, and I must admit that there was a time that I could have heard those words coming from my mouth. However, I have learned that in debating what the purpose of Valentines Day is, one needs to consider what they want in life and act accordingly. Some of this might sound snobby, elitist, selfish, whatever. But we are who we are and these thoughts are real. I grew up poor in life... broken home at age 3. Three mothers, four fathers, a sister, brother and stepbrother. Father was military, mother was a temp worker. OK, so we grew up with enough to get by... we ALWAYS had enough to get by. Therefore, I learned to get by. As such, however, in my life I have always gotten by and have developed a "get by" personality. Everything was minimal for me and I accepted it as acceptable. At some point in grad school, I stopped wanting to get by (at about age 29 or so). I had never earned a solid wage, was not yet in my career, and for my entire life had relationships that were a tad shy from ideal. In fact, and this may cause some to shudder, I grew up what many would call "white trash". I lived it, breathed it, and have a trail of trailer park addresses to prove it. I lived white trash and dated white trash. Whether a product of the environment or not, I never dated a girl worth a ****... for 26 years I never dated anyone who knew how to treat someone like a human. So at any rate, after my separation from my bitch wife, I decided to move to Portland just because. Sounded like fun. But I also came here with the intent to change my life for the better. Well, what is better to me? Class. I'm ready for classy women, classy restaurants, good wine, and intelligent conversation. I understand that these things in isolation, can be found in trailers too, I'm just making a statement. So now I find myself with a classy, educated, supportive, independent, beautiful, and reciprocal woman in my life who has worked for, and deserves, classy things and I want to provide that for her AND for myself. Does that mean spending money for what sometimes can seem like the sake of spending money? It sure does. Does that mean acting like someone who is trying to impress? Yep. It means using those skills which are inherent to my personality as well as paying the delicate game which consists of spending money and being flashy. That's what it means to me. I've earned it. So... does that mean she's only interested in money? I sure hope not... SHE's the medical professional and I'M the Mental Health Therapist... do the math on that one. Would she still love me if I made a nice dinner at home with candlelight and spend $100 less? I have absolutely no doubt. But I know I have decided that we are going to go to a nice restaurant and have a wonderful time and she will enjoy it very much. And she will enjoy it in a much different way than she would enjoy a night at home with candlelight. Not better, but different. But the whole question about the gift certificate kind of led me to my own answer, and that is if using it makes me feel like I am "shorting" the experience, then I dont want to do it. The long-winded point here is that women should never expect to be showered with lavish things and have alot of money spent on them and live a life of excess. I don't know one that wouldn't like to though, and that wouldn't appreciate someone to help them do that. I would never do this for someone who expected it, and I guess that's the point. In a perfect world, everyone would be content to live in their tent within the commune in which money and bartering did not exist and therefore didn't matter. But most of us don't. And yes, money can buy happiness, as long as you have the love, friendship, and compassion that it needs to stand on. I don't know... this life is new to me. I'm still unlearning my "white trash" ways, and I create doubts along the way. I may feel differently about this in two weeks, but how I feel about it then will surely be due to the experience I have now... so I suppose that's the important thing, the experience. And again, I apologize if I offended anyone with the white trash thing. But it is what it is, and I lived it so I'm allowed.
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Oh, and thanks all. Everyone's post either directly or indirectly led me to be able to answer my question. You rock!
Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I'm a girl and I *really* don't like V-Day. I think it's stupid. And I am in a relationship. Why does the guy have to spend money on the girl unnecessarily for her to feel appreciated? That seems a little sexist to me. He'll already be taking her out to a dinner for which SHE doesn't have to pay...I think it'd be silly to be offended just because no money was spent there and then. Isn't V-Day about showing appreciation for EACH OTHER and spending quality time together? It sounds like Krytellan has a lovely V-Day planned, certificate or not. Well, I don't believe you about V-Day. You're telling me if you came home to a candlelight dinner and rosepetals strewn about your bedroom you'd thumb your nose to it? Nahhhh. And I never said K had to spend ANY money on her whatsoever. I didn't bother with other suggestions, I just didn't think that using the certificate under the circumstances on V-Day would make her feel special. I never equated spending money with making her feel special...but essentially re- or double-gifting isn't going to make her feel special. I personally think there's nothing wrong with trying to impress her, especially on V-Day. Far too often I think we get comfortable and think the "impress her/him" stage ends. IMO, it never ends. We should always be working to improve the relationship and make the other person feel special. Oh, and K - I totally understand how the way you were brought up has impacted your dating preferances now. I grew up poor, yet never somehow never lacking, and now appreciate the finer things in life too... and work damn hard for a little "flashy class." Now, can I be your GF?
RecordProducer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 For no particular occasion, I bought a ticket package ...I received a gift certificate to a fantastic seafood restaurant downtown as part of the package. You bought the gift certificate for the restaurant, too! You paid for it. You see it as something you got for free, but nobody gave it to you for free. Just because it's paid in advance doesn't mean it's free. Geez, nothing is free. You didn't get it as a prize for 5 caps of Sprite. Besides, the valentine's dinner is about romantic evening together, not about spending a lot of money. If you feel guilty about not spending enough money on her, buy her an additional present, but stop beating yourself up about the restaurant. Is the place nice or is a crowded, cheap pub?
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Now, can I be your GF? I'm sure you remember a little incident in which you refused to give me your number because I'm a hair puller? Yeah, well... that was your one chance... nice job
VinaAmez Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 To be honest if your questioning it then save it for another time. I'm sure there will be plenty. I actually wouldn't think less of you if you did use it. I probably would ask why you didn't use it. But that's me and since I don't know your gf, I don't know how she would feel about it. I guess I would play it safe.
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